Chapter Five

Maya initially expected to regret her decision, and she was on her guard constantly for the first few days working alongside Remy. When he managed to control himself, once again treating her as he had before their joining, she gradually started to relax around him.

Her pump had been permanently damaged, so she was having to inject herself daily with the suppressant, and she was careful not to miss it, but as the days passed with his congenial company, him showing her the best side of him, more than once she hesitated before pressing the plunger to administer the medication.

Was she making the right choice to continue to hide what she was? She was unlikely to find a better Alpha than Remy, so would she regret it if she stuck with her plans and parted from him when they were finished filling the holds of their ships? She questioned that more frequently as she gave herself the suppressant, but she still managed to press the plunger each day.

They were working inside an old medical freighter today, sorting through what was still viable and what had expired long ago. They were splitting the haul evenly, tossing things into their bags a little haphazardly, when Remy stilled. She looked over, realizing he was in a section of diagnostic tests. “What is it? Are they all bad?”

He shrugged. “Undoubtedly. They expired seven years ago, but it’s the nature of the test.” Hesitantly, he reached onto the shelf and handed her a box.

She took it, realizing quickly it was a saliva test to confirm pregnancy and gender, along with the complete genetic profile of the child one carried. She quickly passed it back to him. “I don’t think we’ll need those.”

He sighed, looking regretful. “I don’t suppose we will. You are preventing that somehow, aren’t you?”

She nodded quickly. “I took a preparation shortly after we mated. It’s a spermicide, so there was no chance of your sperm ever meeting my egg.”

“Good.” He didn’t sound all that convincing as he said the words though. He looked sad and lost for a moment.

Maya had to blink back tears, and she quickly turned away from him to continue inventorying the medicine on the shelf in front of her. “I found a few things that are salvageable, but it’s mostly bandages and wraps. All the medications have gone bad. It’s a shame. This must’ve been destined for one of the colonies.”

“Yeah, I hate to see all the medication that’s gone to waste. And the fate of these poor passengers…”

She shuddered, recalling what they had found when they entered the ship. All the passengers on board had congregated near the cargo bay door, all wearing E-suits. They likely had planned to wait for rescue, and they must have put on the E-suits in case they were sucked out into space while they waited. Unfortunately, the ship had decompressed too rapidly, and it had killed them all. Not that they would’ve had much chance of rescue out here, especially with their broken ansible, which Remy confirmed wasn’t working when he checked it to see if it was worth trying to salvage.

It was a common occurrence on these wrecks, and she was mostly inured against dead bodies, but she supposed today had been harder because there had been a mother and a little girl among the dead. They had clung to each other even in death, and it had been an upsetting sight.

“Do you want children someday?” asked Remy.

She blinked and then shook her head. “No. I wouldn’t risk bringing a female child into the world as an Omega. I wouldn’t put that curse on anyone.”

He was frowning as he turned to look at her. “I guess it’s a good thing your mother didn’t feel the same.”

She glared at him. “My mother was seduced by an Alpha who made promises and then ended up sharing her with his friends while she was in estrus and couldn’t refuse. If she’d had the option to terminate, she probably would have, but they were on a backwater planet with limited medical supplies, just starting up their colony. I highly doubt she would’ve chosen to have us if she had another option.”

He frowned. “Perhaps not, but I imagine she was happy to have you. She must’ve loved you very deeply.”

Maya nodded. “I have no doubt about that, to be sure. She raised Chase and me with a lot of love. She even left the colony she was helping to build so we would have better opportunities, though we ended up in New Bacar. There were a few better prospects, but mostly for technological innovations. I suspect now that she moved us there when I was nine so she could have easy access to suppressants for both of us. She didn’t want me to suffer the way she had.” She closed her eyes, trembling for a moment. “I just wish she’d had a chance to tell me before she passed away, so I could have been prepared and avoided everything that followed.”

He reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to endure that.”

Maya sniffed, refusing to cry. She’d cried for several days after the incident, but when she left the hospital, finally healed from the damage Thane had done to her as he held her and forced her, she had decided to set aside tears too. There had been one more round of crying when she received news months later that her brother was killed in prison, but she hadn’t cried since. Tears would change nothing.

“Do you think your mother would approve of the path you’ve chosen then?”

Maya looked at him in surprise. “I’m sure she would have. She took the suppressant herself and gave it to me.”

“Do you think she ever would have been open to finding another Alpha? I understand she had a very traumatic experience, but do you think it clouded her perceptions for the rest of her life?”

Maya’s eyes narrowed, and she realized he was asking about her in a roundabout way. Maintaining the pretense, she said, “Clearly, my mother saw no reason to change her stance, or she would’ve stopped taking the suppressant.”

“I’m not an Omega, obviously, but I don’t think it’s always like it was for you. If you aren’t taking the suppressant, you aren’t thrown immediately into such ferocious estrus when coming off it. You’re more like yourself, and you have all your senses, but it doesn’t change who you are fundamentally. It just completes your somehow.”

She snorted. “Tell me that again when Alphas are the ones deprived of their rights to liberty because of biological imperatives.” She turned away from him, continuing to work, and his silence lasted for the rest of the time they were on the ship.

It was only later, when she was back on Eve’s Sacrifice and had time to think, that she wondered if he might be right. Was she doing herself a disservice by not allowing herself to fully be an Omega, to experience all aspects of it rather than just the intense estruses? She couldn’t deny there was an element missing, and of course her senses were muted.

She reached for the syringe, realizing it was time to dose herself. She started to pull out the vial of suppressant but frowned. She looked down at it for a moment, considering her options. If she was going to allow herself to experience being an Omega, this seemed like a reasonably safe time. It would be better if she were alone, but if she really wanted to ensure she couldn’t be happy with an Alpha claiming her, didn’t she owe it to herself to experience the full gamut of the sensations?

She could always inject the suppressant if she changed her mind, so she set it aside and realized she was late to join Remy for dinner. They’d started eating some of their meals together, and she couldn’t deny she enjoyed his companionship.

She suspected she could fall in love with him all too easily, and she worried that not administering the suppressant might hasten the process, but she was equally worried that maybe she was choosing to live her life as a reaction to events in her past. She had forcibly tried to shed the role of victim, but had she been self-imposing it all along without even realizing by cutting off part of herself deliberately?

She was still mulling it over when she took the skid to his ship, parking it in his cargo hold before removing her E-suit to join him. He was waiting for her outside the cargo bay, and his nostrils flared as soon as she entered his space. She took a step back out of caution, but other than the quick inhalation of her scent, he seemed relatively unaffected and didn’t mention that she suddenly smelled more Omega—which she was certain she did to him.

The suppressant had barely started to fade, but it would continue to do as the hours passed, though she didn’t know if she would be pushed into such a frantic estrus as she had before, since she hadn’t been taking it nearly as long this time.

“I hope you like fish. I synthicated trout.”

“That sounds yummy.” She followed behind him with Swish bringing up the rear, before taking the third seat at the table.

Swish sniffed the waiting plates curiously. “Times like these, I wish I had the ability to eat.”

“It’s unfortunate you don’t,” said Remy with clear sympathy.

After a moment, Swish flicked her ears. “I suppose it’s for the best. At least I do not require biological nourishment to maintain homeostasis. As spotty as she is about my maintenance, I fear if I had to rely on Maya to remember to feed me, I would’ve starved to death long ago.”

Maya play-hissed at the CAP as Remy laughed. Swish hissed in return, and then they both smiled at each other.

Dinner was delicious, but Maya was having a difficult time focusing on it. She felt itchy and hot, and she was certain it was a reaction to her pheromones surging naturally. More than once, she touched the scent glands at her wrists, each time aware of how his eyes widened and his nostrils flared. She realized she was deliberately enticing him with her scent, and her hand dropped away.

“You didn’t take the suppressant.” He was clearly having trouble speaking as he said the words with a hint of a growl.

She reached for her wrist again, this time unconsciously pressing her thumb against the gland. “I didn’t. I thought I might experiment with seeing how it is without it. You raised a valid point this afternoon.”

“Omega.” He said the word with pleasure as he reached for her hand, bringing it to his mouth. His lips settled over the gland, and he started to suck it gently, which made Maya close her eyes and purr with pleasure.

“If you’ll excuse me,” said Swish in a prim voice as she jumped down from the chair, “I can see with this is going, and I have no need to witness that.”

Maya laughed, though her mirth quickly faded as pleasure took over again. “I don’t think I’m in estrus.”

“No, you aren’t. I’m not rutting neither. Is it all right if I make love to you?”

Maya bit her lip, undecided for a moment, though part of her had known this was inevitable when she came over without taking the suppressant. She nodded, and he stood up quickly, pulling her to her feet and leading her through his small ship to his bedroom. The door closed behind them with a hydraulic hiss, and it was just the two of them alone.

He stood behind her, her neck easily bared by the shortness of her haircut, so his lips could glide over the back of it. He moved to the side, his teeth lightly scraping against one of her scent glands, and she stiffened, uncertain if she wanted him to bite her or to keep going. Her rational brain insisted she reject the overture if he attempted to claim her, but the Omega side of her that was coming to life purred at the thought of him claiming her. She hated the confusion.

Fortunately, he found a way to distract her from that. Remy turned her in his arms, his hands going to the fasteners on her jumpsuit. He quickly unfastened it and slid it down, and then she helped him do the same. She had to strain on her tiptoes to reach the top fastener, so she could pull the section open, and then he was similarly disrobed.

They stared at each other for a moment, and she took time to appreciate his beauty. Before, when she’d been trapped in the throes of frenzied estrus, she hadn’t been able to fully engage her senses to appreciate just how fine a specimen he was because she’d been too overloaded to process everything. Now, more in control of herself, she glided her hand down his stomach, tracing the ridges of his abs as she did so. “You’re perfect.”

He chuckled, though there was a bit of growl in the sound. “Not as perfect as you.” He pulled her closer, lifting her into his arms so he could bend his head to kiss her. She wrapped her thighs around his waist, clinging to him as his mouth tenderly explored hers. This was much gentler and sweeter than their last joining, and though she couldn’t say she preferred it, she appreciated the difference. She had a feeling that whether it was fast or slow, she was going to immensely enjoy sex with Remy under any circumstances.

He moved to the bed, lying down with her, and her legs dropped away from his waist. She was on her back, and he knelt over her, kissing her for several long moments before his mouth drifted lower, nibbling her neck prior to sweeping down to her breast. He took her right nipple in his mouth, sucking gently, while his other hand lifted to play with the left nipple, gently caressing in tandem the rhythm his tongue set.

She squirmed against him, lost in the sensations. This was so different from the last time she’d been with him, and it was far different from the horrible, scary experience she’d had with Thane. That event was fading into an unimportant memory, and she allowed it to do so. How she longed to forget about that incident, to let it reside in the past where it belonged. Each touch of his hand felt like it was healing her even as it was driving her closer to the peak of passion.

When his mouth moved lower still, she tensed in anticipation as his lips touched her mound. His tongue stroked her clit, and she squealed as she lifted off the bed. She produced some slick, but it wasn’t anywhere close to the amount she had during estrus. This was regular sex, as normal as it became between an Omega and her Alpha, and there was no risk of pregnancy. She could just relax and enjoy it, so she focused on doing so.

Remy’s mouth was talented as he brought her several orgasms over the next ten minutes, proving he had more stamina than average, and so did she. Perhaps this was normal for Omegas, and she’d have to remember to ask him later, when her brain was fully working again.

When he lifted his head, her pleasure was smeared on his face, and she pulled him closer to kiss him, curious what she tasted like filtered through his tongue. He groaned as she licked the appendage before sucking it and then pulled him closer still.

His cock brushed against her entrance, and she parted her thighs wider to invite him in. He was still thick, and it was a struggle to accept all of him when she wasn’t in estrus, but he wasn’t as big as he got in a rut. After a second, he slipped inside her, and it felt perfect. There was a straining sensation from being overfilled for an instant, but she quickly adapted and soon met each thrust of his hips eagerly.

She stared up at him, her gaze locked to his. She saw only tender concern and deep passion in his gaze. Even now, not in a rut, he was still driven to take care of her, to worry about her, and to please her. She was surprised to feel the same compulsions for him. Was this part of being an Omega, or was it simply a byproduct of being in love?

The thought should frighten her, but it didn’t. Staring into his eyes, she realized she was falling for him. It no longer seemed so important that he was an Alpha, the thing she reviled most in the world. He was her Alpha, and that made all the difference.

This time when he swelled inside her, unleashing his release, he didn’t knot. This was just sweet, sensual completion, and they gradually drifted down together in a hazy aftermath. She curled against him, stiffening when his lips stroked against the scent gland in her neck. Her thoughts were less clouded by passion now, and she wasn’t ready for that step. “Don’t bite me.”

He stiffened before he relaxed against her, pressing just a tiny kiss to the scent gland before moving his head. “I wouldn’t do that without your consent.”

She nodded, believing him. She knew that in the throes of rutting, he might lose control, so there was a risk when they mated while she was in estrus, but like this, he could control his urges far easier.

Even without the frenzied edge from their previous mating, this had still been an amazing moment with him, and she accepted she had been cutting off part of herself with her decision to suppress the Omega inside. He had been right, but she didn’t tell him that. He’d probably figured it out for himself, but there was no need to confirm she’d been wrong.

He’d realize that as soon as it became clear she was no longer using the suppressant—but she might reevaluate that decision as estrus approached, depending on how secure she felt with his ability to continue to restrain himself. If she was afraid, he would lose control and bite her, claiming her as his without permission, she wouldn’t hesitate to suppress her estrus again. She wasn’t ready yet and might never be, but she also couldn’t imagine losing Remy.