Chapter 81 81

Chapter 81 81
A month has passed. A cough coming from our bedroom made me jumped from my deep thoughts. I was having my coffee in the kitchen and Jacob was at our bedroom. Laying down on our bed even when the sun has shone for an hour and a half.
Not because he feel lazy  to go to the Hall like he used to, but because he has become weak. His eyes had sunken with dark circles under it, there’s hollow in his cheeks, his skin has become dull and dry and no matter how much I put lipbalm in his lips, it keeps on cracking. His body was not as strong as he was. And everyday he get worse.
I can barely look at him in this state but the only time I wasn’t by his side were morning like this. I drink my coffee alone then I’d cry my heart out without making a sound and spend the rest of my day beside him again. This is the time I used to outlet my sadness, fear and every other emotion I couldn’t show in front of him.
There was still no news about another way. There’s still no another way and I lose the hope on finding it a million times for 30 days.
But Jacob still believe. Somehow he said he felt it in his core that there was help on the way. The child inside me kept on feeding from Jacob’s shadow-eye that was making him become like this--like life is slowly walking away from him. Weak and withered, a mere specter of the formidable force he once was.
Yet, he still hope.
Which leave me no choice but to do the same.
But sometimes its hard when I’m bringing the reason he has become like this.
“Did you cry again?” he asked in a low voice when I settled myself on the seat beside his bed. “I told you I’m fine, baby.” he tried to reassure me but its just not sinking in my head.
“I didn’t cry,” I rolled my eyes and Jacob smirked, awaiting the incoming reason I might come up with. “I was slicing onions and it hurt my eyes, is all.”
I tried to busy my hands with peeling apples, constantly looking at him. That smirk of his says how much he knew my bullshit and that I was lying.
But he let it go.
“Okay, Lucianna. Onion it is,” he turned his head on the other side, shoulders moving from his light chuckling and then he coughed again. I took the glass of water so he could drink but he held his hand up. “I’m fine.” then he sighed after the cough subside.
Jacob’s looking at the window, watching the leaves of the trees sway by the wind. And as usual, he held out his palm without looking at me. I looked at his paling palm right in front of me. He always do this and we hold hands until I had to let go to do something.
Staring at that palm now, it doesn’t feel right. It seems that he was waiting for the end and he wanted his hands on mine on his last breath. And fuck me and my morning routine, my eyes is starting to water.
He must have realized I was taking too long to hold his outright hand that he turned to look at me.

Jacob’s POV

Another fucking day. Go on, keep ‘em coming.
Lucianna was taking longer in the kitchen than usual. I know she’d been crying, and trying to keep it a secret from me. She must feel like she had to. But I know. I’ve always known.
She’s cute for hiding it from me, though. I love her make-up reasons on why her eyes were always puffy after her morning routine in the kitchen. Oh, today it was onion.
I let her.
Pretending to believe her pretty white lies is an entertainment these days. She’s adorable. And I know the pup inside her is, too. They are both adorable in my eyes and no curse could change it.
When she didn’t gave her hand to mine like we usually do, I had to look even when I can smell the salty taste in the air.
She’s crying. In front of me.
I smiled but it must be a weak one.
I’m happy that she can finally show her feelings. I don’t want to see the good ones alone, I’m pretty much ready for her, even her worse.
“How can you smile when I’m crying like this!” she burst with a heavy sob following her words. She hide her face in her palms next. “How can you be happy when I’m scared like shit of what might happen?” she continued in a muffled voice.
Its not that I was happy with what is going on. Heck, I didn’t even believe this fucked up curse at first and now here I was laying weak and vulnerable in our bed. So much for fuck-up.
“I’m glad you cried for me, baby.” I said in almost a whisper. I badly wanted to touch her, go to her, hug her tight until I feel her every warmth but strength has left my body everyday. I can’t even do what I want to do.
“I always cry, you just didn’t see it! I don’t want you to see it!”
“I know.” god, she’s cute. “I know, baby.”
“And now I can’t stop myself! These hormones and the way you looked at those trees just looked like you’re so at peace!” she cried hard this time, wailing loud and sobbing hard. “I don’t want you to leave me, Jacob!” she leaned forward, placing her head on her knees, her face still covered by her hands.
Me too, baby.
“Don’t worry,” I pat her head, caressing her hair, trying and praying for it to soothe her. “Help will come.” I said. It has been my mantra recently and I don’t know when or how but I have nothing to believe into. So I just had to trust with it.
Lucianna’s cry echoed louder and no one spoke a word until she calmed down and fall asleep beside me.
Oh god, let help come.

It was a time before dinner that I think God heard my plea. Fhoxia came to visit but she just stood there in front of our porch, Lucianna said. I wanted to go and ask her if there was news but she just remained there, in front of our house, watching.
The thought that she might be waiting to charge her energy that’s why she hasn’t spoken a word has become my comfort. I had to think that because if I didn’t, I might as well think she was just waiting for my end.