Learn To

My heart pounds within the barrier of my rib cage. I pace around the room rubbing my palms together to calm my beating heart. I pause for a second standing still peering out the window scanning the grass floor only to sigh and begin pacing again.

Deep annoyance dwells within me. Why must I feel this way? Why must he have such an effect on me despite me doing everything I can to set sail further away from him?

The introduction ceremony takes place today. I couldn't prolong it any further for it has already become too late and the pack wishes to greet my male. I did not wish to anger the elders further than I had with the death of the female of sin so I agreed to finish the formality today.

I glance back at the clock, Deimos should be here any minute now and that meeting scares me. Different emotions are at war within me. Anxiety, Excitement, Nervousness but also curiosity. What would he say? Would he offer me that gentle welcoming smile as always or would he try to touch me first? If he did his fingers would be cut before they could touch my flesh.

Kal is wide awake his mouth open with awe of the mobile that hangs over his crib. The tiny teddy bears rotate slowly whilst he swings his gloved hands and socked feet wishing to touch it. Being two months old now he is more aware of his surroundings and he is eager to look at different colours and objects. The tiny house we live in is half filled with gifts the wolves bring him.

Mostly toys yet also cute outfits for summer, fur for winter and handmade blankets. The crib he lies on was handmade by Deimos. He worked with the builders for three weeks to build it from scratch from assembly to the final smoothening of the wood. It was his personal gift to his male.

I had watched Deimos during the three weeks he worked hard. He didn't need to do so yet he did. He had several sketches he drew despite his lack of creativity. If he felt a part of it was unsafe or unfit for his male he would break it apart and restart it building all over again. He wanted it to be perfect until Kal grows out of it.

He would look at me sometimes whilst he was working or taking a break going over his sketches as I sat on the bench. His eyes would peek up at me from beneath those blessed thick lashes yearning to meet with mine. I would look away swiftly when it happened. I brought Kal to see Deimos all the time when he was making the crib so perhaps Kal could begin to feel what an amazing father he possesses. And I knew Deimos was grateful for what I did.

Once he was done for the day and the builders went home I would get up immediately and rush back to the house before Deimos could catch me. I wonder who the true coward is? Him or me?

My fingertips slide past the three names carved into the smooth wood. Lumina. Deimos. Kal. It looks breathtaking, no pup has a crib as such and it has become a product of envy among new mothers.

A soft knock upon the door breaks me away from my thoughts. He is here. Bending down picking up the little one I wrap him in a soft velvet blanket. Once he settles I pull open the door to meet a freshly showered Deimos. His stubble has grown into a small beard his hair pushed back whilst his soft eyes regard me.

"My female." He greets. A smile on his lips that never fails to appear when his eyes land on mine.

"Deimos." I give him a nod as a reply. Taking a slow deep breath I pass Kal into his arms being careful with to not touch Deimos's flesh. My flesh aches to be touched, to be held the bond between us sizzling but I shall not be swayed.

He takes his male slowly making sure his fingertips meet my aching skin. Allowing a gasp to leave my lips I look up at him swiftly as he meets my glare with his burning ones. His eyes are serious and aflame as hey mould into mine as one. He sends me a message. I cannot escape his touch. I am his and he is mine.

A flash of fang is sent his way that he pays no heed to, acting as though my protests are that of a growing pup. Pushing Kal into the warmth of his chest. A warmth that I terribly miss but also do not want. He makes sure the blanket is fastened securely around his male scanning the excited pup.

Deimos bends down nudging Kal's cheek with his nose sniffing his flesh taking in his scent. "Good morning, my male. Did you sleep well?" He questions softly. Kal immediately coos making low noises with his throat replying to his father. Deimos allows a short loud laugh to pass his lips to his pup's antics.

My male reaches for Deimos's beard and begins to pull gently a small frown on his face unsure of what it is he is touching. Deimos nips playfully at Kal's hands in return. My male startles flinching his eyes wide and begins to bawl shrieking thinking he has been hurt.

"Oh no. Oh no. I'm sorry, my male. I'm sorry. Your father was merely playing little one." Deimos coos whispering in our pup's right ear. His tongue darts out to lick Kal's fingers he nipped consoling him whilst swaying him to calm his cries.

My male calms after a while his face red hands balled into tiny fists. Deimos kisses him all over. His cheeks, his nose, his lips and his neck whilst making low deep playful noises from the base of his throat. Kal's lips curve at the sides as he shows his father his toothless mouth with a wide smile whilst speaking a pup's language to Deimos.

Deimos's eyes widen swiftly and he swallows visibly as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. His hands tremble his eyes suddenly wet with the emotions that flood him from within. He takes deep breaths trying to digest what had happened.

"He...he smiled at me. My male smiled at me." Deimos whispers with a soft hidden chuckle. "Did you see that, Lumina? Has he done this before?" His excited warm eyes lift to meet mine and I look away. I still can't. I still cannot look into his eyes properly. I keep dodging them for I know if I looked deep as he did I would see his soul. I am not ready for it at all.

Clearing my throat I answer him. "Yes. Yes, he has done that before." I reply.

His eyes drown in sudden disappointment perhaps that he wasn't able to witness it with me first. He allows a curt nod in response. "Let's head for the ceremony." He says looking ahead waiting for me to walk with him.

An arrow strikes my heart to his open show of emotions. He wishes he was there when Kal smiled for the very first time. He wishes he could have recorded it and celebrated the joyful event with me. I did record it I will show it to him later.

Shutting the main door I walk beside him my eyes stuck to the path never wavering. Kal continues to speak and make bubbly noises his eyes on his father eager to have attention from him.

Deimos swallows taking a short step closer to me. It might have not been visible to any ordinary wolf but I am his mate and that step was taken in light. Gritting my teeth I move to my right putting space between us. He closes his eyes shut not in defeat but disappointment. Disappointment in himself.

Silence consumes us on our walk until he strikes through it. "How have you been feeling these days? Is there something you need? For you or Kal?" He questions his eyes on me.

"I am doing good. I do not need anything. Thank you, Alpha." I reply. His movements halt with a painful suddenness. His jaw clenches whilst his eyes plunge into the ground.

I keep walking forward walking to the location where wolves patiently wait for us. "Do not call me that, Lumina. I am your male. I am yours." He spits with pain that tears him apart from within.

"Isn't this what you wanted when we first met? For me to call you by your title. For me to treat you as such. I am merely being obedient to your wishes and commands, Alpha." I reply to my voice cold and unfeeling. It is not an act I put on I show him my truth and that is what makes him bleed.

"I am your male, Lumina. I am your male." He keeps whispering soft whines break free from his wolf calling out to mine from behind me as if he doesn't know anymore if I see him in such light. His confidence, his never-dying faith in our relationship, in my heartfelt feelings towards him is failing. He is afraid. He is swimming in the depth of fear one he cannot seem to escape from. He is bound to this fear.

Not replying to his inner calling I greet my females with open arms and a wide smile. They bow deeply their palm upon their chests.

"We are so excited about this. We have been patient for two months have we not?" One of my females' questions.

"I apologize." Is all I answer them. I do not know what else to say. The truth? I cannot do so.

The crowd makes way and Deimos emerges from within Kal held tight in his arms. The excitement he held in his eyes dead replaced by misery. The misery caused by my words. He walks confidently head raised spine straight chest puffed with pride as he carries his male.

The pack cheers many females crying with joy of the next Alpha. He strides until he comes to stand to my left. He raises his left palm into the air as a sign for the pack to quieten and they do so immediately.

"I apologize for being this late. It is my fault as to why Kal is being introduced so late. My female told me to introduce him earlier but I opposed to the idea for I wanted my newborn to calm and my female to accustom to her new role." He says his voice carrying through the crowd. My eyes widen as they snap to his side and look up at him. He took the blame. He took the blame for me.

Deimos removes his shirt swiftly his chest bare as well as strips his male off the blanket and clothes as the day he was born. His left hand under my male's head right hand under Kal's bum Deimos lifts him into the air. The pack immediately bows on one knee some with their head pressed onto the forest floor. "I present to you, my male. Kal the future Alpha of Alpha's." Deimos screams, his voice loud and powerful scaring the birds off the tree branches.

The females begin to sway side to side a low hum vibrating through their chests. My females watch on and begin a song of welcoming. Two traditions of a pack are being followed mixed together as one. The males stomp their feet and bang their chests with fists as their eyes regard my male. Goosebumps overwhelm my skin. Such a beautiful moment is revealed to my eyes.

I shiver as Deimos moves Kal to every direction towards the pack. They bow deeper as my male is pushed towards them. Once he showed everyone Deimos places him on the small wooden crib in the middle of the pack ground. "You may come to familiarize yourself with him now."

A line is formed quickly and the elders are the first to come forward. They bend into the crib sniffing Kal's scent some making sure he takes in theirs. Kal begins to wail his lungs out tears streaming down his plump cheeks uncomfortable with the unending new scents he is receiving. This is a common reaction of newborn pups when introduced to the pack.

Deimos struggles to remain calm and collected. He clenches his fist holding onto his wrist tightly forcing himself to remain still for all he wishes is to go comfort his crying male and remove him from the situation. Kal calls out not to me but his father, this we both know.

The next is the old females who mourned the death of the female of sin. I take a quick step towards Kal, my motherly instinct to protect overpowering every thought. A step taken without hesitation without concern on how it may look to them.

They all frown at my action taking it as an immense sign of disrespect. One of them takes a quick footstep towards me her eyes striking into mine with an angered fierceness whilst she bares her fangs a low snarl of warning thrown at me. She shows me her disapproval of me, she shows me of my unworthiness in her eyes for I killed the female of sin. I spat on their tradition. I knew this was coming.

My wolf surges wanting to put this female down for this female thinks highly of herself. I need to put her in place. I need to teach her...no all of these females who holds the power. The respect the elders held for me seems to be diminishing with every new wolf who takes a stance at me.

My breathing heavy fury rising I try to calm my wolf, we cannot spoil Kal's ceremony. I need to think of him. I cannot make wolves talk bad about this day. It is a special day.

Reigning myself into calmness trying to show that I am not fleeing and this is not a sign of surrender or defeat I am struck by surprise as a large hand strikes forward grabbing the female by her jaw. His claws poke into the flesh of her cheek making her bleed. Adding little pressure he crushes her jaw bone with ease. She is old and her bones are weak making it easier for Deimos to break it.

"Disrespect my female again. I dare you." Deimos spits words of fire as the old female screams her eyes rolling back she sways unable to handle the pain given to her. Her punishment. He takes another step towards her as she crawls upon the ground.

"Alpha please don't. She is my mother." Another female barges through the crowd kneeling onto the grass floor along with her bleeding mother. It will take longer for her to heal for she has merely a few more years to live.

"Move. She has not received my punishment yet. She is not worthy to be a part of my pack. She must die." He hisses out his command his eyes peering down at them with a burning furious intensity. His look is enough to scare the storms away. She shall face his wrath.

"Please, Alpha. Please." The female begs on behalf of her mother. She covers her mother with her body acting as a shield. Her body trembles knowing what is bound to happen she is thinking of ways this might turn out.

"Ragon." Deimos says and his beta emerges from the shadows. He strides with eerie coldness eyes emotionless as though he is an empty soul that merely receives commands to follow. I haven't seen Ragon this way before. He holds the young female by her shoulders caging her in his arms pulling her away from her mother.

"Alpha, please. I beg you, please don't." The female fights Ragon's hold nails digging into his flesh. He grunts trying to hold onto her.

Deimos moves to kneel by the bleeding female who whimpers loudly in agony of the pain he has caused his claws shimmer in the sunlight one swipe at her throat he will spill life.

"I-I will take punishment on her behalf. Spare my mother." The young female pleads her chest heaving as she struggles to breathe through Ragon's crushing grip. Tears stream down her cheeks her eyes swollen and red. Her heart pounds in her chest and the smell of her gut-wrenching fear saturates the air.

Deimos seems to think for a moment for this is allowed in a pack. A family member taking punishment on another's behalf. "Bring her to me." He instructs.

Ragon immediately brings the still now obedient female near us. She does not struggle merely shutting her eyes with low whimpers preparing for death. A death that shall be on display for every wolf to see.

Deimos raises his hand high preparing to kill her in one strike so she feels no pain. The only mercy he can show her.

"Deimos, don't." Without thinking, my hands go out to clamp around his wrist holding onto him. He may not be able to show the kind of mercy that is needed for that is his title but I...I can. I do not want any death to overcome and darken the brightness of Kal's special day.

His halts immediately eyes widening whilst he turns slowly his eyes landing on my palms that touch his flesh. My eyes broaden like him by the surprise of my action. I touched him. I didn't mean to, it happened naturally. I didn't think. I didn't think.

Quickly extracting my hands from his flesh I clear my throat and look towards the trees in the distance. Well, this is awkward.

"My female has saved a worthless piece of trash that does not deserve to be saved. Perhaps death is not what I can give you for Lumina does not want it but a severe punishment is what I will give in return. Take her to where we keep our captives I will deal with her when I see fit." He says. Ragon straightens preparing to carry out his next order.

"Thank you. Thank you." The elder whispers beneath her breath her chest pulling in painfully with a wheeze.

"Apologize. Kneel and beg." Deimos instructs taking a step back looking down at her with spite as if he finds her disgusting.

She gathers her energy crawling to my feet. Once she is settled she kneels her right hand supporting her hanging jaw that cannot seem to thread itself together. "Forgive me for my disrespect, Luna." She whispers her eyes unable to meet mine. Shame mixed with a now a deep-rooted fear surges within her.

"If I hear or see anyone disrespecting my female you will die by my hands. Do you all understand?" He roars his eyes blazing the sound of his words manifests into a thunderstorm of wrath.

"Yes, Alpha." Many reply back to him.

Hands held behind his back he walks to the group of females who were with his chosen that day. Bending down closer to them he whispers, "I cannot hear you." He grits out.

"Yes, Alpha." They scream in unison in acceptance of his command. He gives them a curt nod of satisfaction and walks back to my side.

"Let the ceremony recommence." He mutters and the wolves waiting in line smile once again preparing to meet their future Alpha the tension quickly melting away. His lesson has been taught.

From beneath my lashes, I peek at Deimos who stands at my side acting as a shield putting down wolves for my sake, taking the blame for me. Is this an act or do you truly...truly feel for me?

As the sunsets, the ceremony comes to an end. When the last wolf gives his wishes to Kal and joins the others, Deimos immediately scoops Kal from the crib pushing his face into his neck so his male can calm and relax knowing he is safe with his father.

"You did well. You did well, my male. Forgive me for putting you through this, it must have been hard for you." Deimos speaks while gently rocking Kal whose eyes begin to flutter close. Tiredness taking over his senses.

Deimos turns towards me. "He must be hungry, my female. You need to feed him, yes?" He questions and I nod in reply. "Here take him."

I walk over to Deimos ready to carry my male back home as a wolf clearing his throat from behind me has my attention quickly like none other. It's a feeling rooted deep within me. It's a knowing of who is present.

"Lumina." The wolf whispers my name. My eyes widening I swiftly turn around to meet him.

"Cronus." My heart begins to run skipping beats with excitement. He smiles softly opening his arms wide.

My lips quivering eyes tearing up I run into his arms, my hands around his neck as he holds me around my waist lifting me from the ground. My nose delves into his neck inhaling his scent. A scent I missed desperately. My true friend I terribly missed.

"I missed you." Biting my lower lip to hold myself from crying in front of him. "I missed you so much." I speak my truth.

"I missed you more, Luna." He whispers giving me a tight squeeze. He lets me down slowly so I could meet his eyes.

"How are you doing?" He questions softly eyes scanning my body from head to toe his way of checking on me.

"Will you be staying? How long?" I question eagerly paying no heed to his question.

He chuckles at my antics. "Yes but only for a few days maybe less. I have a pack to take care of." He laughs after his answer pointing his finger at me as a warning not to plead him to stay longer.

"I understand." I sigh almost wanting to pout and stomp my foot. Why did he have to be an Alpha? Why couldn't he just be an ordinary wolf whose absence wouldn't be of a big matter?

"Deimos, my brother." He greets with a gentle smile his eyes sparkling with love for Deimos whilst he regards him.

"Cronus, my brother." Deimos replies with a smile of his own. "I was waiting for you. I didn't tell Lumina for I wanted it to be a surprise. You are quite late the ceremony is over."

"Is that so? No wonder. I apologize I had some emergency matters to take care of." Cronus allows a sly smile to light his face.

"Come, see him. You get to see him even before Phobos." Deimos says.

Cronus walks closer to him his fingers gently removing the blanket covering Kal's face. "He...he has your eyes, Deimos." He whispers.

"Indeed. He also has Lumina's hair and her smile and her nose and her-" Deimos begins to say the similar characteristics Kal and I hold as Cronus cuts him off.

"I get it. I get it. You are in love and have a happy family. No need to throw that in my face. Well, at least I have Caroline for now." Cronus chuckles raising his palms in the air as a sign of surrender.

Deimos's smile is quickly wiped away from his face and I quieten immediately. In love. Happy family. I want to cry if I cried of my pain to you. Would you listen, Cronus? Would you understand? Would you help shine a light on our path?

"What is his name?" Cronus asks picking him up slowly with softness from Deimos's arms.

"Kal." I whisper looking at Cronus who pushes his cheek onto Kal's.

Cronus's eyes dilate glistening as he regards the sleeping pup. "Most beautiful. A perfect name for the future Alpha of Alpha's." He whispers. "I will make sure to spoil him more than the vast oceans. He will prefer me over Phobos." He jokes swiftly wiping a strand tear from his cheek. These males who I thought possessed no emotions and were closed off are so different once your heart meets theirs.

They show their feelings on display for those close to them. They feel with their heart and soul. They feel. Every word. Every action. Every moment.

"You know I am proud of you, yes?" Cronus peers up at Deimos whilst he whispers his truth.

Deimos shakes his head disagreeing to his words. "I have done nothing good for you to be proud of me, brother." He utters glancing down at his male deep in peaceful slumber.

Cronus pushes his right palm onto Deimos's chest. "I know you. I know your soul and I cannot be any prouder. You are a good male. This is my truth."

Deimos looks as though he wishes to sob. "I want to show you something, Cronus. I built a house. I want you to see it." I speak up gaining their attention.

Cronus nods. "Lead the way, Luna." He says. I nod with a smile taking a quick step in the direction of the house. I can't wait to show it to him. I have been thinking to invite him yet it happened without my input. I am happy.

My wrist is caught and pulled. I stumble my eyes widening twisting my body, snatching my hand immediately from his grasp holding it to my chest as if I were burned.

"I-I need to talk to you." Deimos stutters. Uneasiness floods him and he doesn't know what to do with my action.

I turn towards Cronus who is watching us with a frown, he doesn't understand what he just saw. This tension swallowing us whole he doesn't understand.

"Right, I will walk down this path and wait for you at the end. I shall take Kal with me." Cronus says turning around quickly scurrying down the stone path.

"What is it?" I question annoyed by the fact that he disrupted me. What is it that is so important he needs to speak with me at this very moment?

"I was thinking if you would like to take a trip with me and Kal this week? Now that we have introduced him to the pack I think we can make it. I would like you to meet my pare-" He says whilst I stop his delusions.

"No." I reply. I do not wish to go on a trip with him. Does he think we are in a position to go on a trip together? My scars haven't healed. My flesh still is torn apart by his actions. "You may take Kal with you but bring him back before its time to feed."

"Why must you say no without even allowing me to finish?" He frowns unhappily with my actions.

"If that is all, excuse me. I have a friend to attend to." I give him a curt nod of respect taking a step back to leave.

"Do not treat me like this, my female. I implore you for it is not something I can handle." He says. His heart bare for me to see through his gut-wrenching emotions.

I scoff. "This is nothing." I say.

"What?" He questions.

"This is nothing when compared to how you treated me in the past."

"You do not understand." His voice barely a whisper whilst he shakes his head trying to get through to me.

"Cannot handle it? *Learn to, Deimos. Learn to live without me. Learn to breathe without me. Learn to survive.* It is not impossible for I did it with ease and you can do it too." Perhaps I am a snake sinking my venom into him. I watch as my venom floods his veins killing him from within. He bleeds and I...watch.