It Ends Here

"Hush now, little one. I will feed you in a minute." Words spoken with nothing but deep love and patience for the pup who calls on to be fed. He screams his tiny lungs out if his demands are not met within a few seconds.

Quickly thrusting my skirt up my thighs to clutch around my waist I rush to Kal who is wailing as if his world was ending. Picking him up from the feather mattress I carry him to the nursing chair I had brought in for me.

It was highly uncomfortable for my back to feed him on my bed so I instructed Elriam to find me a proper chair which she quickly did so in an hour. Kal nuzzles into my breast knowing it is the source of food. He often does this as a sign of hunger.

Plopping down the chair popping open the front buttons of my shirt I free my right breast pushing my nipple into his searching mouth. As soon as he feels it, his wails stop and he calms. Lips suck gently gulping down my milk. It did hurt for while feeding him but in the past days, I feel nothing but a tingling soreness making it a little easier for me. With a tired sigh, I push my head backward to lay it upon the soft pad sewed over the head of my chair.

Elriam made a good choice for this chair is exactly what I needed. Big, warm, and comfortable. A loud yawn flies past my lips whilst I close my eyes that have prominent dark circles beneath them and slowly rock myself. I had been scared to see myself in the mirror for the past few days I had barely gotten any sleep. I heard pups sleep a lot yet Kal seems to be awake most of the time demanding my attention.

A perfect life he has. He eats, he excretes, and he sleeps. No worries, no problems as long as I am next to him. I hadn't had a single moment to enter into deep slumber for I am always afraid that something might happen to my male and I must be ready for newborn pups tend to be weak when they are born.

Though he is quite strong, the Alpha blood running fiercely within his veins a mother's fear still possesses its severity. Perhaps if my bond with Deimos was still powerful and smooth he would have given me a helping hand every night yet my heart breaks into two. One yearns it and the other despises the idea of it.

Kal turns his head away with a small mewl from his mouth as a sign that he has finished his breakfast. His emeralds look at me as if he were peering into my soul. As if he sees and knows something that I do not. I tilt my head gazing down at him rather his eyes. "Just like your father." I whisper. Kal's eyes, they haunt me

every time I look at him.

His tiny gloved hand clutches onto my finger I give him, he guides it into his mouth and begins to suck on it. His eyes flutter close whilst he continues sucking. I chuckle as I watch him. "Are you trying to be cute, my male?" I whisper bending down nuzzling into his soft neck giving him a small kiss. Taking his scent in and making him take mine.

He doesn't flinch to my action rather pays no heed to it. He has gotten quite used to my affections for at first, he cried uncomfortably with the new feelings he received.

Peering at the clock I let another sigh pass my lips. "It is time for your mother to take breakfast, little one." I whisper whilst carrying him. I always need to whisper with him for even a small fraction of a raise in loudness startles him.

I hadn't gone outside for almost two weeks locked shut in my room allowing only Elriam to entertain me and sometimes my females would come and go. Deimos had come every morning without hesitation bringing a tray of breakfast for me to have. He would plead for me to open the door and talk to him and let him greet his male. Yet I paid no heed to his actions or words. I needed some time for myself to think and feel by myself. I did not wish to be swayed by him.

Many nights I laid awake wailing into my hands peering at the left side of my bed. It seemed like a part of my heart was thrust out and only a hollow empty space remained. The sheets that was often warmed by the heat of his flesh was cold as ice. How could one go back to the lonely coldness when you had felt how deep the warmth of love was?

My fingers pull the handle of the drawer, hands shuffling around finding a blanket that would help keep him warm.

Wrapping him in the green blanket that matches his eyes he stills in my arms whilst he shifts around in the material. He prefers woolen blankets compared to down duvets made of feathers and I had informed Deimos through Elriam. The next morning he made sure Kal had an endless supply in all colors.

Shutting the door to my room I head towards the dining hall. Wolves greet me on the way which I reply to enthusiastically. Their eyes linger on the pup whom I hold in my arms wishing to meet him formally. When a pup is born in a pack it is the duty of the parents to arrange an event to introduce their gift to the pack.

I haven't been thinking about it at all rather my focus is elsewhere. It is on how to adjust to being a new mother. It is quite hard, more than I had expected.

The room quietens as soon my presence befalls them. Hushed whispers on my arrival their eyes focused on Kal and me. I act normal as if their assumptions about their Alpha and Luna are not real. I heard the rumors, rather the truth that was spreading across the pack. The truth of our bond standing at the edge of it all.

His eyes welcome me first. He had been waiting for my arrival. Deimos offers me a gentle smile of greeting which I cut through with my cold eyes. He isn't taken back like the first time he saw me a few days ago. He merely smiles again his eyes drowning in love as he regards his male and me.

He looks rather disheveled, hair sticking out in different directions eyes red and swollen. A stubble has begun to grow and it is the first I have seen since his coma for he is a male who prefers a clean shaven face. He looks shabby as if he neither has been taking care of himself nor sleeping well like me. His eye bags seems bigger than mine.

Taking a huge breath I stride past the intrigued wolves to Deimos who patiently waits. As soon as I take his right he shifts, the tension in his body dying. He calms and peers down at his sleeping male and regards him with a gentleness in his eyes. Kal still hasn't gotten used to his father's scent and often wails in uncomfortableness when suddenly introduced. I need to share my male with his father, it is what is right after all.

"Fast asleep, yes?" He questions. I do not reply rocking my pup slowly pushing him into deeper slumber.

"Elriam." I look towards my Beta who sits at my side. She turns to me swiftly, ready to receive my command.

"Yes, Alpha." She offers me a small bow of acknowledgment.

"Would you mind taking Kal until I finish breakfast?" I ask.

"Of course." She replies her chair screeching as it is pushed backward. She prepares to take him, her arms around my male as Deimos steps in.

"I can take him. I will eat later it is not a necessity for me at the moment." He offers his eyes on Kal with an urgency to hold him which I completely ignore.

"Make sure he is covered tightly. It is cold outside." I tell Elriam. Passing my male to her gently, my eyes staring into her back until she leaves the room.

Deimos sighs in defeat. He seems to know what my answers would be to his requests yet he tries without hesitation that perhaps one day I might offer him a different answer.

"Have you not been sleeping, my female?" A soft concerned voice seeps from him as his fingertips reach toward my face to smoothen the prominent dark circles beneath my eyes.

My eyes widening I flinch from his touch swiftly pushing my face away before he could feel my flesh. A flash of fang towards him a low rumble from my chest. "Don't touch me."

He immediately extracts his hand away fisting it on top of the table. It possesses a tremble as he regards me again. "Why won't you let me help you? I yearn to aid you. Kal is much of a son to me as he is to you." He declares his truth.

"I never said otherwise." I state.

"Actions speak louder than words, mate. You won't let me help you or let me see him." He utters eyes never lingering away from my flesh.

"I neither need nor want your help. I have my beta." My eyes scanning the food on top of the table my mouth waters. This conversation is the least of my concerns.

"I am his father! Will you separate me from my male because of our differences?" His voice shakes with a fury that wishes to surge and spill.

"I never intended for that. I just needed time. I was going to talk to you about it today. We shall meet in your office to discuss the probabilities when he can be with you and returned to me." These words pain my soul. Never had I thought this is how we would end up Deimos. Never. What have you made me become?

"What do you mean by this? I do no understand. Are you saying you will split Kal between us?" He questions. Discomfort rises within him. Something he isn't familiar with. A new feeling for him.

"Yes." I declare. Having chosen what I wish to eat I go ahead and place the food upon my plate. Bread porridge shall do for my stomach still suffers.

Silence. Pin drop silence shrouds the room beneath its dark veil. Soft gasps rise and cold tension sweeps through the wolves present. I have taken my share before Deimos did. What I have done isn't merely a small issue. It is blatant disrespect towards the Alpha.

He takes a slow deep breath controlling the emotions that wish to tear out of him, after all, he is a master of control and has proved to me this during the entirety of our relationship. His eyes plunge onto his empty plate but no sound comes from his lips. I have shamed him in front of our pack showing my disregard for his status.

But what I did was show him no matter what, the Alpha in him shall hold superiority over being a mate. Like his decision with that sinful tradition.

In between the tension that floods the room the female of sin walks in. His chosen strides inside greeting her pack members with a wide smile on her face. Perhaps she was the most loved in this pack. She has her seat here, one that she didn't have to fight for.

"You sent her away for you knew her throat would have been in my mouth, yes?" A question from my lips has the heat of his eyes land on my flesh whilst I gulp down my porridge. The attention on my previous action passed now focused on what I ask of him to answer me with the truth.

"Yes." He replies. He promised he would answer every question I asked and he abides by it so I use it to my satisfaction.

"When?" A small interrogation has begun.

"After you killed Nadia in that fight." He whispers. He still hasn't begun to eat for he thinks he will puke the contents out if he did. He cannot digest anything with the current situation. His mind and soul open for me to see and feel whilst mine is closed and he will never be able to break that wall unless I let him.

"Coward." A low snarl towards him has him flinch to my thought of him. He protected her. He protected his chosen from his moon blessed.

"I-I didn't think I would fall...that we would-" The words within his mind swirl in his mouth unable to form proper sentences.

Leaning back upon the chair I fold my hands upon my chest. I tilt my head watching this chosen of his. "The Alpha's chosen." My voice booms across the walls as I call her and the wolves stare at me hesitantly. She walks towards where I sit. Her steps are slow and cautious yet she walks with pride.

"Come. Sit." I open my arms to her indirectly allowing her a seat at my table. A spot easily I give to her.

She sits opposite to me her eyes cast downward as a sign of respect. She offers me a small bow. She is not one who wishes to take my place or compete with me. She merely possesses a role she needs to carry out, this I know by her actions. "Let me look at you." I command.

Her eyes immediately snap up to meet mine, and I imagine I hear the shell of my heart shatter. No barrier only a layer of pumping flesh remains. She is beautiful, her eyes they could cast spells.

Deimos struggles to breathe next to me. He struggles to face his shame. He struggles to be strong. His facade is falling. He wishes to take no part in what I shall ask him about her.

"Tell me, Deimos. What about this female appealed to you that you wished to take her your chosen? The color of her hair? Her smile? The curves of her body? Or perhaps how her eyes gazed at you?" Am I prepared for his answers? Am I prepared for the destruction it would bring about in my heart and soul?

Deimos has his fist clenched by his side on the chair he sits upon. His teeth grinding jaw clenched his entire being shakes with the weight of my questions.

His chosen shakes visibly as well gulping every now and down afraid of the wrath of the Luna, the pack goes quiet heads bowed at our open duel yet they do not understand as to why I am doing this. "You know it wasn't like that, Lumina. My father had her ready whilst we were both pups for she comes from a line of chosen's, I took no part in it. It is tradition. As an Alpha, I must follow this!" He spits words of a mixture of anger and pain.

"Very well. Then I would like to be part of this beautiful tradition as well. I demand a chosen for me." My head high spine straight. I provoke him pushing him deeper into the dark pit he resides in.

His fist bangs our table with a frightening force that it shakes with intensity and splits the wood into almost two halves. He needs to get us a new table now. The wolves whimper to the aura of fury he possesses. "Must you do this? Must you provoke me?" He snarls.

My appetite dead I get up deciding to get rid of his presence. "I haven't even started yet." With a small sarcastic bow towards Deimos, I whisper "Enjoy your breakfast with your chosen, Alpha."

Striding out that room with ease not looking back I prepare to find my male. I wonder what he is doing? Is he crying, calling for me? Or is he wide awake staring at my beta with those beautiful eyes that haunt me every night for they remind me of his father?

My eyes find Elriam beneath the tree in a distance, she throws her head back and laughs whilst she rocks him side to side. Perhaps come action of my male spurred her laughter. Kal loves to be rocked it is his favorite activity.

"Elria-" Before her name could be fully screamed from my lips, my elbow is clutched by a large warm hand and pulled from behind. I am swiftly turned around to face a heavy breathing fuming Deimos. His chest heaves with the pressure of his angered breaths.

"You think I am not hurt enough for you to strike me with your words and actions?" A rumbling question booms from his chest.

"I do not wish for you to merely hurt. I wish for you to bleed." I snarl my fangs bared to his face. My claws surge out, my wolf peeking at us from beneath her lashes pushing herself deeper into her cage unwilling to take control that I desperately wish for her to. I don't want to have this conversation, one I have been running from yet she provides me no support. This had to be all me.

He takes deep breaths trying to calm his wolf who wants to surge and claim his mate who runs. Then his eyes sadden as he peers down at me.

"I knew this would happen. I knew this would be what we would come to. I tried so, so goddamn hard to go against this. You must understand me, my female." He whispers but it sounds as though he was pleading with me.

"Then why? Then why?" I scream my palms pushing at his chest harshly, claws tearing through his shirt plunging into his flesh. The first drops of his blood are taken by me. My eyes blaze as a fire lit in dark nights and I regard him with his betrayal shown brightly in my eyes for him to see.

"I made a choice." He utters looking away unable to see my eyes. To see the pain held deep whilst it tears into my soul. He is unable to face his consequences.

"What choice?" I question unable to control the tremors of my body. My voice is nothing but a drowning whisper.

"Between our potential future pup and you." He replies. No lie, only truth. His lifeless eyes show me this.

"Speak in a way I understand or goddess help me I will have your throat." My teeth grinding I threaten him for my patience was running on thin ice.

"I chose between if I had a firstborn female whether she would be my heir or if I would take a chosen." He whispers. "I didn't want her to go through what you did. I wanted her to live a life of laughter and pride. So in return, I bore the choice of possessing a chosen in return. It is the duty of an Alpha to choose a chosen for his male in case he possesses a first born female as his mate. It is a precautionary measure."

"You made a gamble. You thought if I bore a female and the pack was against her reign you could burn the situation with the fact you possessed a chosen? You would have fought for her in that way?" I question frowning.

"Yes." He nods in affirmation of his actions.

"And what if your damn chosen bore a female again." I don't understand. I don't understand this tradition of theirs. It holds no value to me, to destroy the bond of mates for the sex of the pup. For their future Alpha. Why did it have to be a male? Why?

"You know that can never happen, my female. Only a firstborn Alpha female would be able to birth a firstborn female." He shines a light on my doubts.

"Like my...my-" I stutter. This cannot be.

"Your mother." Every word he says is an arrow into my mind pulling me into a little understanding. I had been blind to so many things for I was always kept in the dark.

I swallow loudly hoping my throat would open up so I can breathe again. So my heart would stand by his actions and my mind would not begin to blame my background.

"I had expected a first born female to be my mate. But with having you came a painful choice I needed to make." He smiles looking down at me. He is thinking of the fond memories we had as mates but it was also a painful smile. Bittersweet.

"You said you were so sure I would have a male!" I scream at him with an anger I never thought I possessed.

"I was. Truly was for my family's genes always overpowers. This same situation has happened several times long before in my family. But I knew there was a possibility you could have a female as well. Either way I would have told you the truth with time. Once you had recovered." He utters biting his inner cheek.

"Liar. You lie to me, Deimos." My accusation flying past my lips to strike at him.

"What would you have done if I told you about a chosen whilst you carried out male in your belly? What would you have done?! You would have run. You would have left me in pieces and you might have hurt yourself and Kal in the process. I must protect you both with my life." His eyes glare into me knowing he speaks the truth for that is exactly what I would have done.

"Your pack does not know of this shameful tradition do they?" I question. My heart ponds in my chest hoping that-

He takes a slow painful breath as he takes a step back putting space between us. I possessed the answer before his lips could speak.

"They do." He tells his truth.

"And they consider this normal? They consider this to be of pride and honor?" Disgust lies beneath my tongue. My stomach turns within me and I want to throw up. When you learn of so many truths at one go, I wonder how much strength one would need to hold them?

"It has been in my pack for generations, my female. Many Alpha's tended to be mates with a first born female. I never truly thought against it until I came to hold

you as mine. It is imprinted in our minds since we are pups." He holds his palm upon his chest.

Shaking my head rigorously my emotions pouring out of me. Painful breaths stop the beats of my heart. Losing the strength in my knees I fall to the ground with no hesitation from my body and mind.

He falls with me crawling upon the dirty muddy ground to hold his mate who cannot hold herself. I drown. He drowns with me.

Sobbing my fingers clenching my shirt right above my heart. His fingers digging into the dirt clutching it to the inside of his palms trying to control his raging emotions. His lower lip wobbles as his eyes strike deep into mine.

This decision, this painful choice forced upon him has destroyed us. Equally. A sorrow each of us has to bear. Who is to blame? Truly blame? My genes or this tradition his pack holds as right? Who holds this blame? This shame?

"It's mine. It's not your genes or the birth of my pack. Blame me for I am weak. Blame me for I don't dare to go against my ancestors. Blame me for I don't know what to do as I am holding onto you though I know you wish to leave me." He urges with rigorous nods as if he were telling it to himself as well.

The wailing of my male from a distance calling upon his parents has both of us turning our attention to him.

"Perhaps you have come to hate me. Perhaps what I have done is unforgivable. But I cannot let Kal and you leave me for you both are all I ...truly have." Deimos expresses the feelings hidden in his heart.

"Stop." I plead to crawl a step backward with a shake of my head.

"Won't you fight for me again? One last time, let me take you home. Let me be your home." He begs me. His truth spilling out of him to give him the last of chances. But how can I when he has used them all and I have run out of them?

"My fight. It ends here." Three words. Might as well be my end to our bond.