Chapter Eighteen — Affairs

Joseph groaned when he struggled out of the tub. He had taken two painkillers and soaked in the tub for almost an hour now, and his knee was still acting up. Maybe it was just the fact that he and Maria had just had their first argument and he couldn’t relax, but her last comment had stung.

She had never commented on his knee, not like this anyway. Usually she was supportive and made sure that he was comfortable. He had also thought he had been secretive enough to appear all right. Apparently not.

Maybe it was time to visit Dr. Fleet and have him check on his knee after all. When all his home remedies didn’t work anymore, the doctor could probably give him a prescription for stronger meds. At least that’s what he hoped for.

He got dressed and left the bathroom, picking up on Maria’s distressed scent immediately. He knew she wouldn’t take well to seeing the pictures, but what was he supposed to do? Lie even more? Well, he hadn’t lied. Not in the basic sense of the word, but he should have told her about the pictures earlier. It was too late now anyway.

When he didn’t find her in the living room, he gathered that she had retired to bed, probably huddling with Moose for comfort. The thought stung. He wanted her to seek solace in him and not his dog… But he had other things to worry about right now.

Joseph limped into the mudroom and put on his outerwear, calling down the hallway that he would be out for a few hours without receiving an answer. It felt like the beginning again when he would go outside to check on the generator while she whimpered in her nest, scared to pieces and mistrusting him.

The entire way down to Spokane, Joseph thought about turning back around to talk with Maria. His father had always preached not to go to bed or leave after a fight. His successful forty-five-year long marriage had proven him right, but it had probably also been one of the reasons why his father had died only weeks after his mom had succumbed to cancer. And even if he turned the car around, he would still have an aching knee and Maria would still be pissed at him. If he was lucky, Dr. Fleet could take a quick look and send him back home within an hour or so. Enough time to get her flowers and chocolate, and think of a good apology when his brain wasn’t fixated on the feeling of a twisting knife wedged between his upper and lower leg.

Once he arrived at the community clinic of Dr. Fleet and a couple of his associates, Joseph was ready to ask him to take the damn leg off himself. Every twitch of his muscles felt like agony. He limped to the reception desk and was about to tell the nurse who he was and what he wanted when the doctor himself saw him.

“Joseph, how are you?” the lean, dark haired Beta said with a genuine smile.

“Well, I’m here, so not good.” And it was probably not a good sign that this busy doctor remembered his name after such a long time.

Dr. Fleet’s smile dropped into a solemn expression. “Let’s have a look then.”

Joseph followed him past the packed waiting room and arched an eyebrow. “Don’t you have patients before me?”

“No, I’ve waited to see you again for over a year. You are my priority.”

He wasn’t sure if that was positive or negative, but at least this meant he would be on his way home quicker. Once the men were alone in the examination room, Dr. Fleet shrugged off his white coat and dropped down into his office chair. “Take a seat and tell me what’s wrong.”

“My knee is getting worse.” Joseph limped over to the stretcher and slid onto it with a hiss.

“I gathered that much. And it must be horrible, since you actually came back to me. The last time we spoke you told me I would never see you again.”

“I had hopes back then,” Joseph grumbled and massaged his knee, though soon finding not even that touch was soothing anymore.

Dr. Fleet watched him closely with his cool eyes. He ordered Joseph to take off his pants and tried—and failed—to suppress his shock. To Joseph it only looked a little more swollen than usual, to the doctor, it looked like a grade-A inflammation of the joint.

“Jesus,” he whispered and rolled closer with his office chair. Carefully, he probed the hot, sensitive flesh while Joseph did his best to keep calm. He held onto the stretcher with white knuckles and clenched teeth to keep from punching Dr. Fleet straight in the face.

“I would like to run some tests, blood and urine tests and an X-ray to see how deep the inflammation has already moved through the tissue and if the bone is already affected.”

A heavy weight settled onto his shoulders as the doctor’s words circled through his brain. “How much will the tests cost?”

Dr. Fleet pursed his lips and rolled backward. “Two hundred dollars, approximately.”

“And what if you find something? How much then? ‘Affected bone’ doesn’t sound cheap.”

The Beta gave Joseph a calming smile. “Why don’t we talk about that once we have the results, okay? There’s no use in freaking out before we know anything specific.”

He nodded and swallowed against the rising nervousness in his stomach. “How long until you have the results?”

“If we are lucky, a week, if not, two.”

Dr. Fleet reached around his desk and pulled out a prescription pad. “You’ll need to take antibiotics to combat the inflammation as soon as possible.”

He handed him the script and blew out a deep sigh through his nose. “How long have you been ignoring this?”

This was Joseph’s cue to leave. He slid off the stretcher and struggled to put his pants back on, suppressing the groans of pain that ached to get out.

“You are good at ignoring,” Dr. Fleet offered with a snicker.

“I don’t want to think about that. Coming here always costs me more than it’s worth.”

“Is your leg not worth it?”

Joseph stopped in the middle of zipping up. “Are we talking about the whole leg?”

“We are talking about the majority of it. Please take a seat again. I’ll need to get a nurse to draw blood and hand you a cup for urine testing. Don’t run away.”

Joseph didn’t miss the little smirk on the doctor’s face at the word run. He had the kind of humor that still bordered on juvenile and although it was a serious topic, Joseph couldn’t find himself getting mad at the good doctor. He got mad at himself though as he sat there and waited for Dr. Fleet and the promised nurse to re-enter the sterile room.

She was a cute redhead, but nothing compared to Maria.

Maria.

What if he lost his leg because he had waited too long to come here? Would she still want him? Hell, even if he would come out of this mostly intact, would she even still be there when he came home today? She hadn’t answered him when he had yelled down the hallway.

The nurse went through the motions of taking a vial of blood and then handed him a plastic cup with her cheeks blushing. If he didn’t know better, he would assume that she hadn’t been a nurse for long. She was young enough…

When he returned from the bathroom after doing his duty as a compliant patient, Dr. Fleet already waited for him in the examination room.

“I booked you for an X-ray for the day after tomorrow.”

“Why not today?”

“Because, we don’t have X-ray equipment at the clinic and need to ask for permission and an appointment at the St. Matthias Hospital, that’s why,” he explained and took the cup from Joseph.

“I’ll call you when I have the results, Joseph. And…” He paused for a second to let out a sigh. “I have to tell you to expect the worst.”

“That you’ll have to take it off,” Joseph replied, his mouth suddenly as dry as a desert.

Dr. Fleet nodded.

***

The next two weeks went by as if he was in a trance.

When he came home from the doctor’s visit, Maria was in the kitchen and prepared dinner, an air of sadness around her. They hardly talked, both too deep in their own minds. While Maria had taken up nesting underneath the bed again, Joseph stayed on the couch. He couldn’t have dealt with her emotions on top of his own at the moment. Moose picked up on the overall mood and tried his best to divide his calming presence between the both of them.

Joseph couldn’t shake the feeling that it was his fault. He had waited too long to go to Dr. Fleet, he had offered Maria shelter, he had taken the photos, he had let her in. What had he been thinking? He had been broken before meeting her and he had posed as her shoulder to lean on. How would he continue if he was soon going to struggle with balance with only one leg?

These thoughts only worsened his mood. So much that he decided to avoid her intentionally by the end of the two weeks. When she came into the kitchen to cook, he would go outside and “check on the generator” even though there was absolutely no need for it anymore since the power had been restored. Still, it was better than the alternative. If he distanced himself from her, it would be easier to send her away after he got the results.

Joseph dreaded it. He knew, if Dr. Fleet was right, he would soon be even less of an Alpha than he was now. What kind of an Alpha only had one leg? And what about the money for the impending surgery he didn’t have? Hell, the only thing to his name was the house and the little bit of land surrounding it. So, not only would he lose his leg, but also his home and thus the only thing he had to offer her. What had he been thinking when he fantasized about a family with her? It would never happen. Not with her being infertile as she claimed and him being a poor cripple.

When his phone rang the morning of day thirteen, Joseph knew who it was without even checking the caller ID. With a fast-beating heart, he answered and was greeted by the sweet voice of the red-haired nurse.

“Am I speaking to Mr. Joseph Holt, born March 6th 19—?”

“Yes, you are,” Joseph cut her off and leaned his elbow onto his good knee, rubbing his forehead as he waited for her to continue.

“Your test results are in. Dr. Fleet would like to discuss them with you in person. When can you be at the clinic?”

“I’ll need about two hours if traffic is good,” he answered and already struggled up onto his feet, seeing Maria enter the kitchen from the corner of his eye.

“That sounds great,” she replied with a disarming cheeriness about her. She fit well with Dr. Fleet.

“All right, I’ll get in the car immediately.” And with that he hung up.

“You are leaving?” came Maria’s timid voice from the kitchen.

“Yes, I have an appointment.”

He didn’t wait for her to say anything else, and did not even look at her, as he made his way into the mudroom.

“I’m sorry, Joseph. I’m sorry for snapping at you. Can you please speak with me again?”

Her voice broke his heart. There was so much desperation in it, but he simply couldn’t. It would only make it harder for him.

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” he grumbled and pulled the entrance door closed behind him. Joseph rode in silence, no radio, only the sound of the tires humming over the asphalt of the street. He followed down the highway and let his mind wander. The surrounding mountains were covered in the last remnants of snow. It would soon be the perfect time to hike, climb up the steep forest hills and forget the world existed for a few hours. He should do that before they chopped off his leg. At least one last time.

He regretted not sleeping with Maria more often. Especially since he had been to Dr. Fleet. He could still hike, but after today, he wouldn’t be able to touch her again. Not if he wanted to stick to his plan. Alma was already informed that she should get her in the evening to take her back to the city while he started packing up everything he might want to keep or that could make additional money.

Maria would hate him. He knew it. And she had every reason to. He had lied to her, had lost himself in her presence and taken this whole good Samaritan thing way too far by sleeping with her. Hell, even kissing her had been a mistake.

The only solace in this thought was that he had the memory to cling onto when he would inevitably lose her. Alma would give him hell for it, no doubt. He could live with that. She had seen him at his lowest during the unjustified murder trial he had been dragged through. This would only be another step lower; hopefully rock bottom.

When he arrived at the clinic, it was packed as usual. He needed to wait for Dr. Fleet to finish his current patient before the redhead accompanied Joseph into the same impersonal examination room as two weeks ago.

“Hello, Joseph,” Dr. Fleet greeted him, his smile looking strained and already giving away the bad news Joseph was about to receive. “Please, take a seat.”

Usually, he would have rather stayed standing, but this wasn’t usual. Nothing about losing one’s leg was, nor could ever become usual.

“We have the results and I discussed your case with a few colleagues of mine and we all came to the same conclusion. We will definitely have to operate on the knee. The infection has spread to the entire joint.”

He turned on a flickering light display on the wall and pointed to some dark and light spots on the X-ray of Joseph’s knee. All the Alpha understood though was that he was going to lose his leg. No more hiking, climbing, running with his nephews. He would never dance with Maria.

“Joseph?”

He snapped out of his thoughts and focused on the Beta in front of him.

“I know this is all pretty heavy to digest. I need to make sure that you understand what I am saying.”

“You said that my knee is infected and that I need surgery I can’t afford,” Joseph said dryly.

Dr. Fleet looked at him with sympathy. “I am sure you will find a way to pay for it.”

“Yes, I will, by selling my home and losing everything I have.”

“At least that buys you a chance to keep your leg.”

He let out a snorted laugh. “A chance. You can’t even give me a guaranty.”

“No, Joseph, I can’t and it would be irresponsible of me to give you hope. I can tell you one thing for sure though. You will die if we don’t act soon. As soon as the infection spreads to your organs, you are done for.” Dr. Fleet let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m sorry, but that’s the truth and you need to know everything to make a decision. My urgent advice to you is to get your affairs in order and have this surgery quickly. Any more delay could mean a death sentence.”

Joseph looked at the X-ray again and tried to make sense of the white mushy spot where his knee joint should be.

“When can you operate?”

“Give me a day and I will do my best to get you a spot for next week,” he replied, a trace of hope in the doctor’s voice. He was definitely taking this whole helping-people-thing to heart, Joseph thought and remembered being like that himself before that fucking domestic violence call that had changed everything.

“I’ll see if I can get my house on the market that quickly.”

“I know this is short notice, but time is of the essence, Joseph. I will not promise you that everything will be fun and games. You might still lose your leg, but at least we have a better chance at keeping it, if we act now.”

He couldn’t listen to this anymore. Joseph nodded and swallowed against the lump forming in his throat. He needed fresh air. Without another word, he struggled up to his feet and left the doctor’s office. Thankfully, Dr. Fleet didn’t try to stop him.

Joseph’s first instinct was to head home and crawl into bed with Maria, but if he was in town already, he might as well start getting his ‘affairs in order’. He headed to the next lawyer’s office and asked for a quick appointment to set up his last will and testament. He wanted everything he might still own after the surgeons and the undertakers were paid to go to Alma and the boys. He couldn’t name Maria in his last will lest people asked questions. After tonight he would never see her again anyway.

“It’s for the best,” he told himself over and over again as he left the lawyer’s office an hour later and two hundred dollars lighter. “She deserves better.”