Chapter 114

He couldn't miss his last dose. Marten had stressed how important it was to take every single one no matter what, and that if Daniel couldn't finish the treatment then it was better not to start it at all. Too late for that. Beth would get him to down the last one even if she had to pry open his mouth and have him drink it drop by drop.

And that was exactly what she had to do. He had yet to say a coherent word since he had fallen into that fevered sleep, and he had fallen further into distant ramblings she could make neither heads nor tails of. His delusions were getting worse. The only thing that seemed to help was talking back to him whenever he mistook her for someone new, so she held his hands tight and played along so he could at least have that peace of mind even if his body continued to rebel.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run out into the snow and demand that everyone find something to heal him with. Marten couldn't be the only medical professional around, and even in this stupidly deserted part of the pass with village populations a tenth the size of the Heether pack at its peak, there had to be a healer who knew how to treat Daniel.

They never should have left. She still had Anna's note in her pocket and it burned like fire through her clothes, reminding her that Beth was the reason Daniel was like this now. If only she had waited! If only she had trusted her instincts and made Daniel stay behind, or if she had compromised and decided to stay with him so Marten could keep an eye on his condition.

But the note. The note! Anna's warning was distant in the back of her mind and yet Beth remembered the lightning strike of her intuition telling her to trust it. Something was wrong. Annalise might have betrayed her in infinite, terrible ways in the other life, but in this one, she was merely the messenger of bad news. If Beth didn't go, something even worse might happen.

But the price! The price for it was Daniel? She could never make that bargain. It had taken so long for them to find each other, and for her it had even take an entire lifetime to do it. She could never give him up. She had promised, hadn't she? As he heaved and choked on breaths that wouldn't come, she clenched her jaw and steeled her nerve, wiping his face and shoulders and cooling him as much as possible.

She had managed to get the rest of his clothes off so he lay naked in the bed. Keeping him at a level temperature as his body tried to roast itself became all-important. Window half-open, chill wind breezing through the room, and a clean wooden bucket she had rushed downstairs for so she could keep it full of cool water for the rags she wiped his brow with: these were the only tools she had, but she would make the most of them.

If she had trusted anyone in this village to help her, it would have been the girl who brought them to the room, but Beth couldn't take that risk. That messenger who had mysteriously deposited the letter from Annalise then promptly disappeared again, what if they were a spy?

What if this was a trap, and they were trying to get an opportunity to kill Daniel while he was vulnerable? The chances were low but not nonexistent, and with him in such peril, she would rather have died than put him in even more danger.

So she labored alone, staying up clear until the sun rose. She had forced Daniel to finish the medicine, and for a while she had held out hope that it was enough to end his suffering and let him return to his right mind, but that hope was in vain. By mid-morning, he could no longer even speak.

The ranting and rambling that had made her heart flutter in such fear was gone, and Daniel lay in silence on the bed except for the cracked breathing that plagued him since he had lost his voice. She had been so afraid that his delusions meant he couldn't return to her, but now that he couldn't even give voice to those hallucinations, her terror swelled all the more.

Please, she prayed as she wrung the towel dry and hastily fetched one of the new ones she had discreetly taken from the storage closet in the hallway. Please come back to me.

She was bone-tired and trembling as she worked, but she didn't care. She would never sleep again if that was what it took to bring Daniel back. She couldn't do this without him. She had the physical strength to drag herself to civilization, back to Tahoe Village and Annalise and whatever it was that had gone wrong, but without Daniel, her heart would crumble. It couldn't go on without him.

"Please," she begged aloud when the space inside her head became too crowded for more silent prayers. "Please bring him back. I need him. I need him so badly. We're out of the medicine and I can't do anything for him anymore."

But even regaining awareness wouldn't help if the agony didn't subside. Marten had warned Beth to keep a close eye on him always. There was a chance that Daniel might try to hurt himself to end the pain. A sick man's thoughts made him do the unthinkable, and while Marten had ways of sedating patients who became a danger to themselves, Beth had no such herbs, no such medicine. Daniel had to pull through this and endure, endure, endure.

If only they had stayed behind. Moon Goddess, she begged. Moon Goddess!

"Don't take him away from me," she pleaded. "He's been through so much. It's not even about me. It's about what he deserves. Daniel has been through too much for this to take him. He's so strong, but he's hurt because of me. If I hadn't been there! If he hadn't had to save us. If I hadn't fallen for the damned tricks and traps that put me in Tahoe Village, he would be safe right now. It's my fault. It's all my fault, Moon Goddess."

Daniel shuddered, his body breaking down despite all her best efforts to keep him going. He was bathed in sweat, and his nose kept bleeding and bleeding and bleeding and Marten had warned that would be a sign of some uncontrollable hemorrhaging. And yet! What could she do about that, either! All she could do was watch.

"Moon Goddess. Daniel lost his family. He lost all his brothers in a bloodbath and when he went to try to save them, to find them, the Troy pack took him prisoner and he suffered there, too. He was in so much pain, Goddess, even if he didn't show it. That's what he does. He hides it all, everything, because he refuses to put the burden on anyone else. But I want him to. I want to share his burdens. I want him to live and tell me everything, to share everything, even the terrible things he tries to protect me from."

She caressed his face, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was so tired she couldn't even cry, but her eyes watered on their own again and again.

"Please don't let this happen to him. Please don't take him from me. There's so much he can do. There's so much he's meant for. I can't be in his way. I'll do anything, Moon Goddess. I'll do anything if it's for him. He's everything. I love him. I love him so much and I'm breaking into pieces because I'm too weak to do anything for him now. Only you can help him. Please... I'll do anything."

"Anything?"

Beth froze.

Anything, the voice had asked, clear as a bell and so, so familiar. But she was awake, not dreaming.

She tried to turn to look over her shoulder, following the source of the voice, but an odd compulsion kept her from moving. All she could do was continue to stare down at Daniel's face.

Anything, the voice had asked, and now it waited for her answer.

"Yes, Moon Goddess," Beth whispered. "Whatever it takes. Whatever the cost."

"Even if that cost is you?"

She had never answered more swiftly. "Yes. Even if it is."

The crushing, foreboding feeling that filled her a second later was far too late to stop her from answering. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter because Beth sobbed in the coldest, hottest, uncontrollable relief when Daniel finally opened his eyes.

He looked up at her, a new light dawning in his gaze as he recognized her at last.

"... Beth?"