THE REALITY OF KHAL'S LIFE
KHAL'S POV
"I'm glad you visit me." My mother kissed me on my cheek. I intentionally not visited her for security purposes, and since the enemies were silent, with no news if they were still finding us, I went here. I hugged my mother and kissed her on the top of her head.
"I brought your favorite bread." I gave her a huge radiating smile. "How are you?"
"Thank you, my dear." She wrapped her hands on my waist, dragging me to the couch.
I never exposed my mother on social media. I wanted her to have a peaceful life, far from controversy. My mother was younger that I what everyone expected. I could not see any wrinkle on her face. She was just 42 years old and I am 25 years old. When I computed it, she was just 17 years old when she gave birth to me, sounds unbelievable, but I never asked about that.
"Khal?"
My two eyebrows moved up when mom called me out of nowhere. "You lost weight. Is being an actor is stressing you out?"
"So much. I'm planning to resign, Mom."
"To where you are happy." She smiled at me. Always supportive was one of her best characteristics.
"Thanks, Mom." I moved my head down. I had no idea if this was because of exhaustion or knowing that Hali was with Zarya? They were at the apartment since last night.
"What makes you sad?"
"I'm fine." I used my knowledge for being an actor. I pretended that I was happy, but my mother knew me well. She could recognize my true feelings.
"Later, after eating… I will tell you something." There was something on her expression that I could not understand. There were two things that made her sad: one was when I was not here and two when she was sleeping. She was fine, but lately, during the night she began to cry and cry. She had a nightmare. My guess, it was no longer a nightmare, it happened in reality. She was shouting and pleading with someone in her dream. She hated when someone ask her a question about her nightmare, so I did not attempt to. I believed that one of these days, she would voluntarily spell out to me. I thought that was a big role in my life. I would just know in the right time, right place.
See? My life was private. They would only see my happiness, but never the deepest part of my life. Even my friends had no idea how bad I was dealing when my mom was in her dream. I felt like I could not do something about it. I tried to give her a psychologist to guide and advise her. She refused it plenty of times. She said it was just normal. I never insisted. My mother was a smart woman, she would tell me if she needed help. However, recently was outreached, and curiosity filled me. She needed me, but she never told me.
During walking upstairs, my mind was busy thinking about what she would tell me. Is this the time that she would spell put her problem? If this is, a good thing. I would stay here until Froy and Hali called me.
She guided me to sit on her bed. "You stop asking about your father when you were five…" She brushed my hair. "Why?"
I gave her a small smile. I loved my mother so much, that anything in this world would not compare to her. Her words bought life to my nervousness.
Is she going to tell me about my father?
"That makes you feel heavy. I can tell." I sat beside her, looking around her room. There was no change, except for the color. Before, it was blue. Now, it was pink as if she came back from being a teenager.
"You're such a good boy." She cupped my cheek and caressed it. "How can I hate you?"
I was startled. I have never known that she hated me all this time. She was so kind, caring, and loving mother. Does she use to hate me? Or does she have a reason for that?
"When I brought you in this world I only feel… hatred." The tears in her eyes condensed.
I had no idea, never in my life that would be her perspective on me? I mean how come? I was not a bad son?
"My heart is covered with anger… I wanted to shout to the world…" She started to shake her hands and cried with her heart out. "I liked to scream all the pain and burst out." She massaged her chest as if she came back with the saddest and most hurtful moment of her life.
"It's okay if you can't tell me一"
"No, you need to know now. Your whole life is not complete because of pieces hiding." She wiped the tears using the back of her hand and then sniffed. She kissed my forehead. "I hated the world, but I never hated you even once. You are the greatest gift."
I hugged her so tight. "Thank you, Mom."
She sobbed so heavily. She could not even breathe well. "I was raped."
My world stopped rotating when she burst out the answer to my questions that I was waiting to hear in my entire 25 years of living. The tears in my eyes slowly crawled to my cheek.
That means all of my life, I am a product of rape? The product of abuse?
I shook my head in disbelief as my eyes were blurring. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I stood up. I was about to run, leaving her because I did not want her to see me break into small pieces. My feet stuck on the ground when I heard her talking.
"I lost in the woods when I was 15 years old, a pack of wolves imprisoned me for 1 year. The pleasure was everywhere, many women had been slaves, but I was special. They offered me to a man to prove his loyalty to the pack… and it happened."
I did not want to her hear sobs. My heart was ripping, thousands of thorns were burying into it.
I am Khal Gasper. People saw me as a perfect man who had a perfect life. It was not me, not even once. The real me was the product of the mess and sufferings of my mother.
"You should kill me when I was in your womb instead." The tears streamed on my face. I had no courage to face her.
How could I look into her eyes when she would just remember what happened to her? When the pain would just hunt her every time she saw my face?
"I'm sorry. That's all I can say." I walked forward and left my mother. I could feel a continuously hitting on my chest. I almost break down while I was walking downstairs. My vision was blurred. The pain was suffocating.
I grabbed my phone and contacted Froy. "Where are you?"
"Zarya's apa一"
My world was ruined when I saw my mother, following me. She did not notice that there was a car approaching. My hand raised up. "Mom!" I ran as fast as I could, but it was too late to save her.
Why this life is so unfair!