THE RE-CONFRONTATION II: THE GRIEF
ZARYA'S POV
"You're saying untruth!" I backed away as I wanted to break down. Automatically my emotion softened. I stared at his eyes with the condensing tears in the corner of my eyes.
Was I swallowed by my revenge?
I felt like the whole world stopped rotating. "No!" I stepped backward.
"Yes, Zarya! You slaughtered my beloved lover with a baby in her womb…" Alpha Jace began to sob. The color of his lips was fading as the poison was gradually affecting him. "Was that so sad? Was that paining you? From the moment you decide revenge, that is the time you accept that you are the same as the Black Wolves! A killer!"
I let the tears roll to my cheek because of my madness. I forgot who I was. I could see my identity. My father and mother's lesson was forgotten.
It was late in the afternoon when my father came and read the title of the book that I was reading. "The Revenge." He tapped the top of my head and gave me a small smile. He flipped his lips as he sat beside me. "Revenge is not a panacea for a people's wrongdoing to you. Forgiving takes you away from the pain and anguish." He pulled me closer to her, cuddling me as his baby girl even though I was his oldest daughter. "There's a reason for everything."
I covered my mouth as my heart tore off. I cried with so much pain and heaviness. I could not believe that I killed innocently. Perhaps, even if I wish for a child, it was not given to me because I murdered a little angel.
"Zarya… I felt sorry for what we've done to your family, that's why… I let you escape… but why did you do that to my Ven?" Alpha Jace was sniffing as he sat on the soil, leaning his back on the scattered drum in the middle of the chaos, and battle. "She had been a good woman."
My sob was begging to be louder. I did not want to hear his lines. I had no idea how could I forgive myself? I had no right to be happy and make a family when I ruined someone's family. I should not have a child because I slaughtered his child.
I closed my eyes as I tried to endure the pain. I massaged my chest as if it could lessen the ache. If I just lived happily and accepted what happened, would I be now glad? Would Hali and I marry and establish a complete family with never-ending love?
I opened my mouth, trying to speak up, but I failed. He winced as he felt the pain in his belly. "I want to forgive you. I want to say sorry to you… I'm not a bad person, Zarya, but you make me like this." He scoffed with a smile on his lips. "If I'll go to hell… I'll bring you!"
It was unexpected when he suddenly stood up, rushed toward me, and buried to my belly my own knives with poison. I did not fight back. I let him bury the knives deeper as the stinging sensation turned severe. The hot liquid from our eyes was dropping.
"Why does it have to be like this?" He cried out as he deepened the knives. I held his hand and hardened his hand to mine, even if it was hurting me so bad.
"Too many lives disappeared… too many people suffered… too much pain endured…" I sobbed and sniffed as apart from my lips, I could feel the waves of ache getting severe in my system. "Maybe… we didn't deserve to be happy… probably… we just live to… suffer." The tears streamed to my face.
He showed his cold expression, but the tears continued to roll down his cheek. He deepened the knives one more time. I felt that the air in my lungs was lacking as if at any moment I would say farewell to this world.
I opened my mouth again, but this time, I genuinely said, "I'm sorry, Jace."
His cry became heavy. He blinked two times as he tried to fight the darkness. He removed the knives on my belly. "Sorry, Zarya."
Then, we dropped on the soil at the same time. My hand was extended as Jace was laying next to me, facing me, he was coughing with blood until he let out a bubbling red liquid. I gazed at him while the blood was flowing from my mouth. In my blurred vision, I saw Hali running in my direction.
"Zarya!" I felt like he was slow-moving with his mouth opened.
"Hali…" I whispered as I fought and fought not to close my eyes.
"Zarya!" Hali killed every man who was blocking his way. "Zarya!"
I slowly closed my eyes as the heaviness of my eyelid could feel. I battled the darkness again. I saw Alpha Sage was slowly shutting his eyes. He was whispering the name. "Haya… Haya…"
"Zarya!" Another call to me was burst out by Hali. He ran as quickly as he could and when he arrived at me, he put me on his lap. "Open your eyes! He placed his hand on my belly. "Heal!"
I slowly reached Hali's hand. "I… love you…" I coughed and coughed as the difficulty of breathing could be felt.
Hali screamed with affliction in her heart. "Ahh! Don't fucking die! I freaking need you! I am mad and can't live without you!" He grabbed my hand and spelled it out. "Heal! Heal!"
I learned that when a person desired to die, his power would not be effective. If this was my last breath, I would still be grateful because I met him. I had really great days, spending those with him.
I reached for his cheek as my body was weakening. "My only role… is enduring the pain."
"Love! Love! Please, don't leave me! You have no right to die unless I command you! I am your king! Zarya!"
When the darkness consumed me, the flashes of images and Hali's voice came into my head as if they happened right now. I had memories to bring in my disappearance.
That is my love for him.
"Please help me. They killed my family."
"Sure, but I don't help without an exchange. What can you offer?"
"Ah?" He walked closer to me. "You've nothing to give?"
"You can…" He gazed at my feet, going up to my chest, "propose your body. What do you think?"
*****
"When you say you love me…"
"I know… I love you more."
"When you say you… need me. I know… I need you more."
"I just… didn't know how to say it."
"Since when?"
"You have no right to一"
"Answer me, please."
"Since my eyes lay on you."
*****
"I adore you… boundlessly."