LOVE DOESN'T EXIST
HALI'S POV
I was holding the railings of the veranda while viewing the outside scenery of the Elemental Kingdom. The red moon was visible in the dark sky. The twinkling stars were relaxing my chest.
How is Zarya? I wondered what she was doing there.
"You haven't talked to me since Zarya is engaged to me." Colden's voice heard from my back. I did look at him. What would I fucking say? How much I was mad at him?
"Sorry." Here we were again. He was saying it with his kind damn heart.
"Sorry for what?" I rolled my eyes. I tried not to show him my madness, but it came naturally.
"Sorry for loving Zarya."
I kept my mouth shut. Since when did loving someone have to be apologetic? There was huge anger in my heart I had no idea why it was there. It was the first time I admit that I hate him so much. Well, everyone. I used to loathe them because that was the thing I am good at. When I was mad at all people around me, they would not like me, and if they did not like me, no one would care if I die. They did not need to cry or feel grief or sorrow.
"No explanation. I'm not interested." I was about to rudely leave him when he spoke up, resulting in my stopping.
"Until when will you deny your feelings for her?"
The furrow was visible on my forehead. I looked away when I saw his face, his freaking damn kind expression. All of them wanted him due to his kindness and humble personality. At times, I envy my brothers.
"What do you know, huh?" The boastful tone could be heard in my voice.
"I know you." He spoke up as if he could accurately describe what I am, who I am, and what is my attitude.
I shook my head. "Get out of my sight. You are getting into my nerves."
Instead of leaving me, he smiled at me. "No matter how many times you push us away, I know why, so I will stay… forever." He let out a sound of relief. "Let me do something for you."
I scoffed in sarcasm. Was he crazy? My blood was boiling for him and yet he would offer me help? That was what he meant for he would do something for me.
"Zarya is in the middle of the battle today. She gets the title of Poisonous Strawberry. If she continues doing great, she will go home within three years instead of five years." He tapped my shoulder. "Wait for her and don't you dare hurt her once she comes back. The real battle is not yet starting." He grabbed a heavy air and then gaze away from me. "Pyro said, set her free if I will just jail her in lies." Her eyes were full of emotions. "She lies when she said she wants to start a life with me." He paused, his eyes were forming a spark of sadness. "It's you… she adores you."
I held the railings tightly, calming the beginning of intensive emotions. Zarya talked to me plenty of times, telling me how she loves me. Those memories would be forever in my heart.
I moved down my head which I did not do to anyone. The expression was too heavy to hide. "I don't deserve her. It's better you than me." I walked out without saying goodbye. When I was about to reach the entrance, he talked and his lines marked my heart.
"No man is better when it's not you."
My feet were stuck on the ground. I prohibited myself to look back at him.
"In her mind, body, soul, and heart. You're her behalf."
*****
I marched toward my chamber. I went to my swivel chair, put on the headphone, and heard a loud sound of music. Even this fucking music was mocking me. Zarya's memories in me spun around my head.
"Hey! There's a sunflower!" Zarya ran towards the garden. She picked one of the flowers and placed it on the back of her ear.
I prevented myself to stare at her. I made my eyes busy looking around, but my attention was pulled by her. When I could not hold back anymore, I settled my gaze on her. She was running like a kid, turning around while laughing, showing her aligned white teeth, pinkish adorable lips, and shutting her eyes. Her long floral yellow dress suits her color.
I never see her as a woman. She was like a toy, a child due to her small height and a playing time when I was with her. However, this time I felt different.
She is the most beautiful woman in the universe.
By gazing at her, I did not think of time and tomorrow. I was with her, I was content. Only to realize, that my feelings were not normal anymore.
Who is an insane man who will stare at a woman with her fucking heart eyes? I was out of my mind and… no one knows.
My hold in the corner of the table tightened when the past came back. I had no escape from it, no matter where I go. It was hunting me.
"No, Mother!" I shut my eyes when blood shed covered my face.
The blood was not mine. It belonged to Cora. The woman who I considered my mother, my personal maid. She was so kind to me. She made sure I would feel that I was her son, not a king who needed to serve. At a young age, I understand that she murdered her in front of me. Merciless. Her head was detached from her neck as the blood was scattering around.
Queen Haliana marched towards me. She recklessly held my cheek and said. "I am the only woman you will love, or else they will die." My mother was never been good to me. I sometimes cursed him. I hope she is not my mother.
That night was the time, I started to hate all women. I moved away from them and was prohibited to be attached. I pushed people away from me. It was better that I did not care for them but my brothers were irresistible. And also, due to the command of my mother. I should get their attention and studied their strength and weakness.
"Hey, King Water! Wanna play with us?" Little Zephyrus was holding a ball of fire. It came from King Fire, I guessed. We grew in the different packs, every weekend, we were at the Elemental Kingdom. We were required to be here for the reporting of our progress, therefore I never failed to see the alpha kings.
Little Raiden smiled at me as he joined them playing. When I looked at my mother, she raised her right eyebrow. She gestured for me to be with the alpha kings. I was the man who did not like pretense at that time. I always wanted people to see the truth in me. I was forced to pretend, therefore, I could get everyone's heart.
When I was with the alpha kings, I felt I belonged. I felt like I had space in their hearts, genuine happiness from playing with them, mocking, teasing, and even we were with each other in crime, escaping at the Elemental Kingdom, bathing in a river, climbing in a tree. Those moments with them were priceless. I could kill any of them just because of my mother's greed. All I could do was punch them away, so Mother could not see them as a threat.
When Kastrid died, I opened my eyes again to the fact that I was not allowed to love, or else they would just bury them in the ground. Just like her.
I truly love Kastrid. Sucks. She was killed without me doing anything. I should save her and protect her. I failed and I did not want Zarya to experience the same thing.
Love doesn't exist in me.