Chapter Forty-Eight

Finley

Every day I waited for the pain to start and I had planned my days out so that I wouldn’t have to leave the house. I didn’t want to be driving or in a store when it started because I had no idea when they would do this. Maybe they’d already done it and I just wasn’t aware, maybe because I was human I didn’t even notice it?

“Hello,” I answered my phone as it kept ringing for the fifth time.

I had moved my laptop to my bedroom and I avoided going to the basement. I didn’t want to fall back into any of my previous habits because I could still see Damon’s face when he found me that night. His scent had lingered in the guest room but it was gone now and I missed it.

“Finley, we’re going out tonight and you’re joining us!” Harley said.

“I can’t tonight,” I said to her.

“Stop making excuses and stop sulking over that asshole,” she said to me.

Harley and Wells had come over the night I got home from New York, and I had told them all about our weekend in St Barts and then the words wouldn’t come, even as I tried telling them about the cameras but I guess it was included in the oath. The words just wouldn’t form and in the end I just said that Damon had left without a word and that there had been no contact between us, that he had moved without a word to me.

“I’m not making excuses, I just don’t want to go out tonight,” I said, sounding depressed even to myself.

I couldn’t tell them that I felt physical pain every time I thought about him, that I missed him so much that it hurt or that I loved him or what we had been through and what he was going through for me, because he loved me back.

“Finley… it’s been a week and you were only dating him for a little while, it’s time to move on, he’s clearly not coming back,” she said gently.

“I know he’s not coming back,” I said softly and it felt so final having said it out loud.

“Fine, I’ll leave to your own devices this once, but no excuses next time,” she said.

“Deal,” I said, trying my best to muster up a smile.

“I’m keeping you to it, gotta run love you,” she said.

“Love you too, send me pictures!” I said as she laughed and we ended the call.

I was halfway up the stairs when a splitting headache shot through my skull. It was so intense that I had to stop walking as I grabbed my head. Just as quickly as the pain had started it evaporated but it had still left me breathless. Was this it? Was it starting?

I hurried to my bedroom and closed the curtains and put my phone on silent as I took my clothes off and pulled on the most comfortable pajamas I owned. I got into my bed just as pain shot through my whole body and I gritted my teeth as I tried to breathe through it.

It hurt everywhere but it was hard to pinpoint exactly what hurt, it was my soul I realized, my soul was breaking apart. It felt like it was being hacked into pieces. The fevers started soon afterwards, hot and cold, one moment I was sweating and the next I was shivering so much until the only thing left was me burning up.

I faintly heard my name being yelled but my mind was in a fog and my eyesight was blurry. I could hear someone talking to me but for the life of me I couldn’t open my eyes. It felt like I was underwater, it was hard to breathe and everything burned.

“Finley, I’m going to pick you up and get you in the shower, don’t freak out, I’m here to help you,” he said as I finally recognized his voice.

It burned even more when he touched me but the instant relief I felt when the cold water of the shower touched me brought me out of the haze. He was kneeling next to me, the spray of the water hitting him as well. He brushed my hair out of my face and his eyes held worry as he looked at me.

“What’s happening to me?” I asked him.

“Damon managed to call Jared, they’re cleansing him,” he said with a look of anger in his eyes.

“He’s forgetting me,” I whispered as I started to shiver from the cold water.

“Let’s get you dry and back into bed,” he said as he helped me to my feet and wrapped a towel around me.

He left me in the bedroom with dry pajamas on the bed and I quickly changed while I could still think clearly. I wondered briefly how much pain Damon was feeling, going through this alone and I started to cry as another wave of pain hit me.

He walked back into my room five minutes later holding a glass filled with a greenish liquid. He helped me back into my bed and pulled the armchair closer and sat down next to me. He looked tired and almost helpless.

“You don’t have to stay, Connor,” I said to him.

“Drink this, it’s bad but it’ll help you,” he said as he handed me the glass.

I sniffed the contents of the glass and automatically gagged a little. It smelled like rotten eggs mixed with bananas and an undertone of something that had died. He gave me a stern look and I swallowed it quickly. I could feel it coming back up just as Connor handed me a glass of water and I quickly swallowed that down too.

“And just for the record, I’m not leaving you, so quit while you’re ahead,” he said to me.

“I feel so tired,” I said to him.

“Sleep, I’m not leaving,” he said as he leaned forward and started stroking my hair.

My eyes closed involuntarily and a few minutes later I felt Connor pulling the duvet over me and tucking it in around me. The sleep that took over was indescribable, I was sleeping yet I was fully aware of what was going on around me. I could hear Connor talking on his phone, giving someone an update on my condition.

The pain was intense and the mark on my shoulder burned with an intensity that had me screaming in my head. It felt like someone was branding me with a white hot iron, pressing it into my shoulder and I could feel the burn.

It took over an hour for the pain to recede into a dull humming and finally recede and I knew that the mark on my shoulder was gone. The feeling that followed was one of emptiness, a hollow nothingness that embedded itself in my soul.

I could recall my memories of Damon, time spent with him, but they felt fuzzy and distant, like it happened much longer ago than it actually had. My feelings towards him also changed, it felt like we had only been distant friends, not even good friends but in my heart I knew I loved him it just didn’t feel like it.

The calmness went away and I was instead left with nothing. Just an empty place where Damon used to be and to make matters worse was that I knew he used to fill that void. Tears made their way over my cheeks as the sudden realization hit me that Damon now had no clue who I was or what we had and that hurt more than anything else I had gone through today.

“Finley,” I heard my name softly as I started waking up.

“Connor?” I asked as I turned my head. He was still sitting in the armchair next to my bed.

“How do you feel?” he asked me.

“Empty and sore, but I’ll live,” I said and he gave me a smile.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he handed me a mug of tea.

“It’s okay, I think it’s over now,” I said to him.

“You were out for about nineteen hours,” he said to me.

“I should go shower,” I said as I sat up straight in the bed.

“Don’t worry, I gave you a sponge bath,” he said as my mouth gaped open and he started laughing loudly.

“Not funny, Connor,” I said to him as he wiped imaginary tears away from his eyes.

“Just kidding, I wouldn’t dare, I’ll sort out something to eat while you shower,” he said and stood up still chuckling to himself.

“Asshole,” I muttered and he started laughing again as he closed the bedroom door behind him.

I felt like a new person as I stood under the hot water of the shower and I only got out when Connor yelled that breakfast was ready. I got dressed and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. As soon as I smelled bacon I realized how hungry I was, even though I never ate breakfast this early.

“I have to say I’m surprised, I thought we’d be having cereal,” I said as I sat down at the counter in the kitchen.

“Cereal? Seriously? I don’t think I’ve ever had cereal for breakfast,” he said as he took two plates from the cupboard.

“So you cook?” I asked him.

“Of course, don’t you?” he asked me.

“No, I nearly killed Damon one night and then he took over the cooking duties,” I said to him with a smile.

“I would’ve loved to see that,” he said as he filled the plates and sat down next to me at the counter.

“You want me to try and kill you?” I asked him and he laughed again.

“I think I’ll pass,” he said as he started eating.

“Thank you for all this, Connor, you didn’t have to stay with me,” I said to him.

“For me you’re part of the family Finley, I’ll always look out for you, even if you don’t want me to,” he said and gave my hand a squeeze.

“I don’t know if I can stay here,” I said to him.

“Sometimes change is good. Sometimes all we need is a fresh start, I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve just been through or how you’re feeling right now,” he said.

“Just empty, it’s hard to explain. I know what I feel for him but I don’t actually feel it, it’s probably easier this way, not having to hurt but knowing I should, it’s just confusing right now,” I said to him.

“Where do you want to go?” he asked me.

“I don’t know, somewhere quiet, some place where I can start over again,” I said to him.

“Don’t run away Finley, you’ve got people here that care about you, people that have your back,” he said.

“I know but there’s also so many memories here,” I said.

“Memories can be good and bad, but memories also let us know where we’ve been and where we’re going. Memories have a purpose too,” he said.

“You sound much older than you are when you say stuff like that,” I said to him and he smiled at me.

“I’m here for you Finley, no matter what, and I’d like to stay in contact with you, keep an eye on you, maybe even one day become your friend. If you do decide to leave, just remember that you have a friend in me,” he said.

“I appreciate that Connor and here I thought we were already friends after that sponge bath,” I said to him as he started laughing again.

“Does that mean if I’m sick you’ll give me one too?” he asked as I slapped him against the back of his head as he laughed.