Monsters
“Just a moment longer,” Matteo pleads as I sit on the infirmary bed in the mansion.
He insisted on examining me after the panic attack I had following Silas's death.
Just thinking about it still sends a chill down my spine; I can still feel David's blood on my hands and see Silas's corpse in front of me.
I have to admit it hurts to know he's dead, that nothing we experienced was real.
“Your heart is racing,” Matteo says, the stethoscope on my chest.
I snap back to reality and take a deep breath to calm myself.
My cousin takes a step back and stares at me with arched eyebrows.
“Want to talk?” he asks, knowing me well.
“Sometimes I feel like I'm back in that doctor's office,” I admit softly. “I feel the blood on my hands and hear the sound of the gunshot.”
Matteo doesn't interrupt me, and I don't see judgment in his eyes.
"I'm afraid of my dreams, of waking up and seeing that I'm still there," I say softly. "It's the same feeling I had when I came back after the kidnapping."
Matteo holds my hands tenderly.
"Nothing you went through was easy, being afraid is normal, and talking to someone about it shows that you are stronger than that feeling," he says sincerely.
I smile slightly, grateful for his words.
We are interrupted when Nicco knocks on the door and enters.
"Is everything alright?" Matteo asks, seeing concern in our cousin's eyes.
"One of our allies was attacked," Nicco says, irritated.
I get off the stretcher, not wanting to disturb the boys' work.
"Can I go?" I ask Matteo.
"Yes, just avoid stressing yourself out, and if you need to talk, come talk to one of us," Matteo says firmly, and I nod.
I leave the two of them talking and go to the dining room; It's already night, and I know that almost none of my relatives are home.
Dealing with the American mafia situation has become a priority, so the boys take turns staying home.
Tonight, Nicco, Matteo, Lorenzo, Angelo, Vicente, Luca, and Giorgio are here.
Aunt Esther and Andreia traveled with their husbands to their homes; they had some matters to attend to before fully focusing on the current problem.
My grandfather is in the office with Uncle Carlo, talking to allies and assuring them that our family remains strong amidst the war.
“Elena, sit down,” Nonna says as soon as I enter.
I do as she tells me and smile at Aunt Isadora, who is already at the table with the other boys.
I see the signs of tiredness on their faces and feel bad for not being able to help much.
“How have you been feeling, sister?” Luca asks with a smile.
“I’m fine,” I lie, not wanting to cause more worry. “And you?”
“We’re fine, we’ve made some progress in the search for the Sinclairs,” Angelo replies, and I’m happy about that.
“That’s great news,” Aunt Isadora says with evident relief.
Nicco and Matteo join us minutes later; they are visibly worried, and I see an exchange of glances between them and the others.
“Dominic informed us that he will provide assistance to the mafia that was attacked,” Matteo says, and I smile at hearing his name.
Dominic has been a great friend, and whenever I hear something about him, my heart races.
“The Russians have been helpful,” Nonna comments, and I feel her gaze on me.
I try to maintain my composure, but I know she knows there’s something I’m hiding.
Dinner continues with short, random conversations, then I help Grandma tidy up the kitchen before inventing an excuse to go to bed.
I sit at my desk and finish some college work. I'm almost finished with the last assignment when I find Silas's sketchbook among my things.
I examine the object as if it were something poisonous, something I swore I'd gotten rid of.
I open it and see the drawings he made. How could such a bad person create something so beautiful?
I feel bad for having been naive, for having believed his words so easily.
I drop my notebook on the table when my thoughts become too depressing.
The clock strikes eleven when I finally lie down.
I'm in the park, the day is gray and full of dark clouds.
I hear a child crying in the distance, seemingly frightened.
I look around and I'm alone here. I walk a little, trying to find something or someone.
"Are you looking for me, Elena?" Silas's voice paralyzes me.
Something inside me knows that all this is just a dream, and I want to wake up.
I turn to Silas and cover my mouth with my hand.
He is pale, with dark spots all over his body, blood covers his shirt, and I know I'm staring at his corpse.
"What's wrong? Are you afraid of me? Or of the monster you've become?" he asks, and I take a step back.
I feel the grass sticking to my feet, preventing me from moving away.
“This is a dream,” I say, closing my eyes tightly.
My heart races when I feel a cold touch on my face.
“Look at me, see what you’ve done,” Silas whispers in my ear.
I feel tears streaming down my face.
“Look!” he shouts, and I open my eyes.
My stomach churns at seeing him so close.
“I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life, Elena, to make sure you never forget the evil you did to me,” he threatens with a wicked smile.
I take a step back, wanting distance as he laughs at my despair.
“Go away!” I plead, terror coursing through my veins.
Then I hear a collective laugh, and when I open my eyes, I see everyone who once hurt me.
“We’re not going anywhere, doll,” Edgar says maliciously.
They all start repeating the same phrase incessantly, making me more and more terrified.
I wake up screaming, begging to be left alone.
My heart races in my chest and I feel like I can't breathe.
I get out of bed disoriented, managing three steps before my legs give way and my chest tightens.
I fall to my knees on the cold floor and don't hear my bedroom door open.
"Elena, it was just a nightmare," Giorgio's voice tells me this is real.
"Silas," I gasp, trying to catch my breath.
"It's okay now," he says, stroking my head, which is resting on his shoulder.
"I'm a monster, brother," I say between sobs, the image of Silas still in my mind.
"No, you're not, you never will be," he says firmly.
"He'll never leave me alone, none of them," I say wearily, wanting only to sleep and wake up in a good world.
Giorgio calms me patiently and then puts me back in bed.
I lay my head on his chest. Luca appears minutes later with a glass of warm milk.
He stays with us in silence, while I stare at him expressionlessly, afraid to close my eyes and dream of Silas again.
"Sorry," I say softly. "You need to rest."
They both look at me with concern.
"We won't leave you here alone, we can stay at home without any problems," Luca says gently.
I look at him with gratitude in my eyes and lean against Giorgio.
At some point, I fall asleep in a deep and peaceful sleep, feeling safe near my brothers.