War
My eyes can't look away from Silas's corpse, even when I hear the boys on the phone and, minutes or hours later, see the others arrive.
I'm huddled against the wall, from where I can see the entire room, but my focus is on a single point.
I killed someone, I killed Silas, the boy who was once my best friend, who once destroyed my world.
I feel like I should be crying, that I should feel remorse or relief. That I should feel some emotion, but I feel nothing.
Leonardo's face appears before me, making me lose sight of Silas's body.
"I'll get you out of here," he says calmly, as if he were talking to a frightened animal.
I feel him pick me up and rest my head on his chest.
"Don't lift your head until I say you can," he says as he leaves the room.
When we're on the street, he says I can look now, but I don't take my head off his chest. I don't want to face reality.
I grab Leonardo's shirt and feel my body tremble; air won't reach my lungs.
"I can't breathe," I say, panicking. "I can't breathe."
My heart races, and I feel like I'm suffocating.
"Sister, calm down," Leonardo says, getting into the car with me.
I feel someone hold me as soon as I sit in the seat. I clutch my throat, agonizing and desperate.
"Elena, this is just a panic attack, try to breathe calmly," I hear Giorgio say, but it's no use.
Black spots fill my vision, and I feel my body weaken.
"Elena," Leonardo's voice is distant and full of concern.
I wake up to a constant, repetitive beeping that bothers me.
I let out a grunt of irritation at hearing the noise for the fifth time.
I open my eyes, ready to throw whatever is causing the noise against the wall.
I look around and it hits me instantly.
I'm in a hospital. I see my brothers Matteo, Antoni, Luca, Giorgio, and Leonardo sitting there, fiddling with their phones.
I sit on the bed, which catches their attention.
"How's David?" I ask Matteo, wanting to know if he's okay. If he's alive.
"He just came out of surgery and is recovering very well," Matteo replies, and I sigh with relief.
"Why am I in the hospital?" I ask, looking at the machine making that annoying noise.
"You had a panic attack," Matteo says, and I remember that.
"Yes, I know, but that could have been handled at home," I say, showing my confusion.
"Elena, your panic attack simulated a heart attack, it was very strong," Giorgio says, and I'm surprised.
I put my hand on my heart to make sure it's beating normally.
I take a deep breath and look at my hands before speaking again.
"Where are the others?" my voice comes out low. When did I start caring about them?
"They're dealing with some problems and working out security strategies," Leonardo says, and I clench my hands into fists.
I dig my nails into my skin to hide the trembling in my hands.
The machines near me start beeping a little faster, but none of my brothers say anything.
"I-I," I begin, not knowing how to ask what I'm thinking, "Am I going to be arrested?"
"No," Matteo replies, but that doesn't reassure me.
"So, are you going to take me to where Eloisa is?" I ask, reaching the point that consumes me.
"Why do you think we're going to do that?" Antoni asks without answering me.
I need to take a deep breath to control the anxiety in my chest.
“Because ever since I arrived I’ve only caused problems, and now Silas is dead, and this will only bring more things for you to deal with, and all because of me,” I reply quickly in an exasperated tone.
“Elena, look at me,” Matteo says, but I can’t.
I hear him approach and then his hand lifts my chin.
I see authoritarianism burning in his eyes.
“We would never hurt you,” he says firmly. “Eloisa isn’t part of our family, she never was, so know that we never hurt our own.”
“But I did something horrible,” I say, and the machines behind me start firing.
“That doesn’t change who you are,” Giorgio says. “You won’t stop being our sister because of that.”
I nod to him and close my eyes, trying to calm my heart. But my mind is sabotaging me.
I can clearly see the moment I shot Silas, I can see the moment his breath stopped and his eyes lost their shine.
“Elena, open your eyes,” Leonardo’s voice is firm.
I see him standing in front of me, holding my hands so they don’t hurt my palms.
“I feel neither remorse nor relief, brother,” I say, looking into his eyes. “I feel nothing. I killed someone today and I feel absolutely nothing.”
“I know how it is,” Leonardo says. “We all know, and I can tell you that you’re not a monster because of it.”
“But what do I do now?” I ask, lost. “How will I live knowing that I took another person’s life? Regardless of whether he was good or bad?”
“The fact that you’re asking yourself these questions says a lot about you,” Leonardo says. “You’ll have to learn to deal with it, but until then, you can count on us, little sister.”
“I’m scared,” I say, my eyes welling up with tears.
Leonardo hugs me and I cry on his chest. I stay embraced for so long that, when I pull away, I realize Dante, Lorenzo, and Grandpa are in the room.
“How are you feeling, dear?” Grandpa asks calmly.
“I don’t know,” I admit with a sigh.
“I’m going to ask you to tell me exactly what happened in that doctor’s office,” Grandpa asks, pulling up a chair to sit near the bed.
Leonardo holds my hand and says he’ll stay by my side until I finish telling the whole story.
I explain in detail what happened, about the moment I shot Silas and about Eloisa leaving because I allowed it.
“Now we have what we need,” Dante says, serious and cold.
I look at him and Lorenzo, who have somber expressions on their faces.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, lost in the situation.
The boys exchange glances and Grandpa nods to them. “Elena, as you know, Silas was the son of the Don of the American mafia,” Dante says, and I nod.
“They announced that if we don’t hand you over in 24 hours, they’ll declare war on us,” Lorenzo says, and I swallow hard.
“But that was inevitable; they just found a reason now,” Luca says, and the others agree.
“What we’re going to do now is organize our men and keep you safe while we finish them off,” Antoni says with a grim smile.
“I don’t want you to get hurt because of me,” I say, irritated by the situation.
“Don’t worry, sister, this war was going to happen one way or another; this just accelerated things,” Lorenzo says coldly.