Chapter Twenty-Two— Don’t Look

I woke up feeling Nickolas against me again. He was sleeping, his breathing even while he was still. I decided to just leave him like that, because I couldn’t bear to wake him up.

Then the alarm took care of that for me. He groaned and shut the thing off before grabbing me again and putting his head back on the pillow.

“We have to get up or we’ll be late for school,” I told him, not opening my eyes.

Another groan. “No school.”

“Yes school. We can’t ditch two days in a row.”

“I say we can.”

“No.”

He sighed. “Fine then. We have to shower. I don’t wanna.”

I turned but he didn’t let go. So I was just trapped in his arms, against his chest. “You have to. You can’t go in looking like a ragamuffin. Then the whores won’t love you anymore.”

He smirked. “I couldn’t care less about them, Cupcake.”

“Get up,” I ordered him.

“We can sleep for another fifteen minutes if we shower together and save time.”

“Nice try, but I don’t think you can handle being with me in a shower without touching me.”

His eyebrow arched. “Who said I wasn’t gonna touch you?”

“Me.”

His hand moved from behind my back, to under my shirt and on my butt. He seemed to like that for some reason. “Don’t knock it till you try it.”

“I can do without.”

“Can you?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t believe me. And he shouldn’t because I was a liar. He proved it when he placed himself on top of me and I reacted by arching up to him. My legs opened and he took advantage, just like I wanted him to.

“Oh, good morning,” I laughed when I felt him against me.

“Ah, yeah. Sorry about that,” he sighed and looked down before settling.

“You’re going to make us late if you don’t knock it off,” I warned.

“I hardly care at all.”

He looked curious. “What’ll you give me if I let you up?”

“Nothing.”

“You should give me something.”

“How about I don’t hit you?”

“How about you let me kiss you?”

That sounded very appealing, but my willpower was hanging on by a thread and I was already not wearing pants. Not to mention him being…ready to go. His tongue was magic and it could get me to do a lot of bad things. “Nickolas…”

“Just one,” he asked. “Then you can do whatever you want with your day.”

I missed what he felt like at my lips. And I would only get to be this close to him for a little while longer, so I nodded. He smiled like I gave him the world, then he kissed me.

He went in with gentleness that I wasn’t capable of. My leg went over his side and I moved up to meet him again in the same moment he was moving forward. The effect was amazing and my nails dug at his back. He made a sound that almost made me try and get his clothes off without moving him from me. I needed to stop this soon.

I lay flat on the bed and it only made him make more of an effort to stay close to me. So much for one kiss. This counted as at least ten. Then his lips were at my ear and he was making promises that made me blush and then he carried one out that made me moan. His hand traveled up and down the side of my body before moving to the center.

I made another sound before he kissed me again, almost silencing them. My fingers found his hair and I held him so he wouldn’t dare move. I couldn’t stop my hips from moving with him as he applied more pressure. I said his name against him and he moved his face to my neck. It freed me up to made a lot more noise and him to nibble at my ear in between whispers of more promises and confessions and things meant to make me louder.

I held him tightly and I stopped breathing, pressing my forehead to his shoulder. I tensed for a few seconds before I settled back on the bed. I was panting as I stared up at the boy I might love but hoped I didn’t. Still holding on to that little bit of doubt.

Nickolas kissed me just under my jaw. “Are you okay, Posey?”

I nodded. Then I smiled. “I don’t think I wanna go to school today.”

***

Come Sunday, I was tucked into my bed, cuddling a pillow and sleeping late. I decided that I better not acknowledge at all what happened between Nickolas and I the other day. He said that he wouldn’t bring it up if I promised to let him do it again. I said no.

So I rolled over on my bed and I rolled right into Nickolas. I knew it was him because I could recognize the smell of his shampoo.

I spent too much time with him.

“We have somewhere to be,” he said, patting my bottom under the blanket. “Get up.”

I pulled the blanket from my face so he could see me glaring. “I have nowhere to be. I told you that we needed some time apart.”

“Was that before or after you let me touch you?” He leaned over me and his hand made its way under the blanket. He ran it up the side of my thigh. “Because if I remember correctly, it sounded like you wanted me around when you were panting out my name.”

I clicked my tongue a couple times. “I don’t remember that at all.”

He smiled as if I amused him. “Don’t you?”

“Nope.”

“Seemed liked a pretty memorable activity.”

I shrugged. “Sorry.”

He cleared his throat and moved his hand up again, skimming the outside of my underwear. “If you don’t remember, maybe I should remind you.”

“Nah, don’t think that’d do it.”

He huffed at me. “You’re so frustrating.”

“Thank you. Get your hand off of me.”

His eyebrows went up. “Well, maybe if you asked nicely.”

“Please, get your fucking hand off of me, sweetheart.”

There was a sigh and then he took revenge on me by letting his hand linger on a very specific place before he slowly moved up the length of me and then out from under the blanket.

“You damn hooligan,” I said.

“You love it, Cupcake.”

I did.

“Why are you here. And…” I looked him up and down. “Why are you dressed up?” He was in a dress shirt and pressed pants. He was still in his boots but he looked fairly clean cut.

He looked down and straightened the red tie he was in. “We’re going to church with your foster family.”

I scoffed. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“Because I discussed it with Candy a couple days ago. I figured you couldn’t try and ditch me if we were in the house of the Lord.”

I sat all the way up. “Is this revenge?”

He nodded. “You could have gotten to enjoy your Sunday underneath me if you weren’t being so difficult.”

That sounded like a much better time than I was in for. “I don’t do church.”

“You do today.” He pulled the blanket off of me and threw me over his shoulder. I kicked around but he was too strong for me to get away.

“I’m not wearing pants!”

“I am aware of that fact and I will take care of it as soon as I can.” He moved me so that he held me in front of him. My legs were pulled around his waist and my arms went around his neck all on their own. “Hello.”

I smiled. “Hello.”

“While I would love to hold you up against a wall, Dahlia is downstairs with the kids and I should get back to her.”

“You’re forcing your sister into this hell day you planned?”

“I am.” He set me on my feet. “Get dressed. Something nice.” He left my room and I threw a pillow in his direction.

I threw on a white dress so that I could pretend I was a good girl in the ‘house of the Lord’. I didn’t think God was going to fall for it.

I went downstairs and Nickolas was playing with all three kids. Patton and Candy were in the kitchen, talking about something I couldn’t hear.

Dahlia met me at the bottom of the stairs. She was in a little pink dress and her hair was in a braid. “Posey! Nicky says we’re going to church today.”

I picked her up. “I guess we are.”

She laid her head on my shoulder. “I’m just happy we get to go together.”

We met up with Nickolas, who was on the floor, being attacked by two crazy children. Then I overheard what Patton and Candy were talking about.

“Are you sure it’s her name?” Candy whispered. “His sleeve is covering most of it.”

“I am positive. Should we do something about that? Talk to her?”

His wife scoffed. “She’s almost eighteen. I think someone’s had the talk with her by now.”

Not actually true. I learned about sex from TV and books. The American way.

I looked to Nickolas and we communicated only with looks. Me: can you hear that?

He nodded. Then shrugged.

Nickolas stood beside me after I put his sister down. He kissed my cheek and told me not to worry about it.

I walked into the room with Candy and Patton to greet them. “Hey.”

Patton looked like he was caught doing something wrong. “Oh, hi. How are you?”

“Fine…”

“Good.” He nodded. “Good. Candy.” He put his hand on the small of her back. “How about you chat with her about what we were discussing? I have…to check the tires.” He made a break for it.

Candy called after him, “Bitch!” She turned back to me and the sour expression faded. She put her chin in her hand. “I think that boy in the family room has a tattoo of your name on him.”

I nodded. “He does. He’s an insane person.”

“Ah.” She straightened up. “Are you two…dating?”

“Not even a little.”

Candy smiled and went to check on the kids.

I stared up at Nickolas. “I will kill you if you get me pregnant.”

He smiled brightly. “You say that because you know it’s a possibility. You just keep giving me hope. And—” he put his hand on my stomach “—I’m gonna make so many puppies with you, you won’t even know what to do with yourself. You’ll love it.”

I pressed my lips together so I wouldn’t smile. “No puppies!”

We had to take two cars to get there. Dahlia, Nickolas, and I going in his. The rest going in theirs. We followed behind them and Nickolas put on Dahlia’s favorite playlist.

Once we got there, Candy brought the kids to the Sunday school room and the three of us went to find seats. We picked ones in the back and I sat on the end, next to Nickolas. He tried to hold my hand, so I crossed my arms.

The service started and I was bored in a second. I listened to the guy speak but I didn’t hear a thing he said. I was never a religious person because the whole thing just bored me. Nickolas looked bored too. Maybe he was regretting his choice to spend the day with me. Good, this might keep him from trying again.

I heard him at my ear. “We should sneak off. Maybe we can find a closet and you can let me make this a much better day for you.”

I rolled my eyes and responded so that just he could hear. “As tempting an offer as that is, I prefer sex in a bed. Not a closet.”

The service ended and everyone started mingling. Nickolas didn’t move, so neither did I. Everyone else walked up to the front of the big room. I scooted closer to Nickolas.

We got out of church and Nickolas decided I was going his house for dinner. I went because as much as I could ignore what I was feeling about him, I couldn’t ignore that I just wanted to be near him.

My phone vibrated and I checked on it. I hid my reaction from Nickolas because I didn’t want to worry him with what was going on between Nash and I. He was insane and he thought that not only was I his mate, but that I would leave to go live with him in his menagerie. I thought that maybe he would get the hint that I wasn’t interested anymore, but I guess not. The creep broke into my home. My room. I wouldn’t even know it if I didn’t have a vision. It made me worry that it wasn’t the first time he’s done it.

Nickolas made his sister something to eat and put her down for her nap when we got home. She was in her room, happily watching a movie, while Nickolas was dragging me to his bedroom. I sat on his bed, watching TV, while he grabbed his guitar. Then I was in trouble.

He started playing as if he didn’t know it drove me crazy in a dangerous way. He wasn’t even paying attention to me. So if he was looking to make me jump him, then he was playing the game very carefully.

I shut the TV off and lay on my side so that I could watch him. I had my arm around one of his pillows and my hand was flat as my face pressed against it.

“Any requests, Cupcake?” He didn’t look up from his guitar.

“I just want to watch you play.”

I don’t know how much time passed but I was getting a little sleepy. Nickolas put his guitar down to pull his blankets up over me.

I blinked slowly at him. “I can’t stay over again tonight. The Thunes are onto you.”

He smiled but just half of one. “Good. Everyone should know that I love you. It makes things easier. The tattoo saves so much time.”

“You are incorrigible.”

“Determined. I can’t help it, Posey. I won’t ever give up on you. I’m gonna make you love me back.”

I shut my eyes. I couldn’t look at him.

Don’t look.

Don’t look.

Don’t look.

This fight was coming to a close and I knew it. I just didn’t know how to accept my defeat in this. I’d lose twice. I would do that no matter how hard I tried not to look.

So many losing battles. The first one I was conceding to was with my eyelids. Everything that was weighing on me and it was leaving me feeling spent. I let my eyes look at Nickolas face for a few seconds longer. As miserable as I was, I smiled. “I’m going to miss you so much, Nicky.”

I was seconds from sleep, but I still heard him. “I’m not going anywhere, Posey.”