Chapter Fourteen— Big Girls Don’t Cry

I fed Scully and played with her before I got ready for school. I peddled as fast as I could to get there and almost crashed into several cars. I was yelled at a lot. I didn’t know being clumsy made me a whore…

I tied my bike up and ran down the hill to gym. I was on the bench for ten seconds before class started. We were told to do laps around the gym. Yay. I started and I hoped that I wouldn’t pass out.

Nickolas kept glaring at me, and I easily ignored him. He didn’t try and keep pace with me, so I didn’t have issues. When I got out of class, still nothing.

The day was mostly quiet, if I ignored the students who talked about me as I walked by. The ones who heard Mona scream about me sleeping with someone, and the ones who saw Nickolas talking to me. I wanted to not care about the rumors, but I did. Only a couple more months and I was done.

I got to my government class and my phone vibrated. I had a voicemail and a text from my foster mother and I could only check the text. It said I needed to call her as soon as I could.

I cursed twice, and put my head on my backpack.

She found Scully. That was the only option. I just knew it. I was about to get kicked out of another home, and Scully would go back to those horrid people that hurt her. I might even get in trouble for stealing her. I broke more than a few laws.

“What?” Nickolas asked with what sounded like no interest.

“Nothing,” I lied.

His eyebrow arched. “Doesn’t look like nothing.”

I sighed with irritation. “I don’t know yet. But I’ve got a message on my phone that’s probably going to tell me that I’m homeless. I don’t see why you’d care about that.”

He looked forward. “Yeah, I shouldn’t care.”

And that was that.

We had to give updates on our projects and I did all the talking for us. Sadly, though I got far on the essay, it was all on Nickolas’ computer. So I was fucked.

“I need you to send me the file I started,” I said when I realized I was forced to talk to him.

He played dumb. “What file?”

I leaned in so the teacher wouldn’t here. “If you want me to finish this project, send me that damn file. I can just tell the teacher that you’re a dick who refuses to help and then just you won’t graduate. Dahlia would be so proud.”

He looked like he wanted to be furious but couldn’t quite get there. “We’re supposed to do it together.”

I took a cleansing breath. “Well, I was the only one who actually worked on it. And since I’m not allowed at your house anymore, that makes it hard.”

“We can do it at your house.”

“Who’ll watch Dahlia? Since you don’t want me around her.”

He took a few seconds. “You don’t seem to understand the situation. You’ve got one foot out the door and my sister can’t comprehend that. She loves you, and when you leave, she’s going to be devastated.”

I couldn’t argue. My time here was running out, and he wanted to cut ties now, so that Dahlia would forget me. My chest felt like tremors were rippling through at the thought of her growing up and not knowing me at all. That was what was coming. I would be a short-lived friend in her life that would become nothing but a memory. Then not even that.

“What did you tell her?”

“Nothing yet. She thinks that you’re busy with school.”

“And what happens when I’m gone? You tell her I up and left without saying goodbye? She’ll think I hate her.”

He was trying to hold onto stoicism but all I could see was grief. “She knows you love her. That was what I told her. It’s the truth, right?”

“Of course it is.”

He fidgeted. “Well, there’s that.”

***

The day felt like it passed at a snail’s pace as I waited for whatever news I was about to get. I stood beside my bike as I hit the button to listen to the voicemail.

The screen changed as I got an incoming call. It wasn’t Candy or Patton but I answered it anyway. “Hello?”

“Um, Posey?” a woman said. It was a familiar voice but I just couldn’t quite place it.

“Yeah. Who is this?”

“It’s Katie Morgan.”

My heart dropped to my stomach and before I knew it, I was sitting on the sidewalk. My knees banged together and my legs fell flat.

“Honey?” she said. “Are you still there?”

Why? Why was she doing this? Did she want to torture me? Remind me that she didn’t want me? The only reason I had this phone was because I was with another family.

“Yeah,” I forced myself to say.

“I called Candice and got your number. I thought you’d be getting out of school around now.”

“I am,” I said numbly. “Why are you calling me?”

“Oh, um. Well we found out that the baby was a girl.” Fantastic… “I needed a favor from you.”

Wow. I was too shocked to be annoyed with her. “What?”

“Do you still have that ring I gave you? The one that was my grandmother’s?”

“Yes,” I said cautiously. She knew I never took it off.

“Great. I just need you to send it to me.”

“Send it to you?”

“Just as soon as you can. It’s a family heirloom and we’d really like our daughter to have it.”

This… this was my life. I tried and tried and all I could feel was numb. “Okay. I’ll send it as soon as I can.”

“Thanks, honey. I was worried that you might have been a little upset about this.”

“No. I understand. She’s family. I’m not. I’ll talk to you later.”

I hung up before I could break down. However, the second that I hit End I lost it. Tears and sniffles took me over as I sulked on the sidewalk. I stared at the ring on my finger that I hadn’t taken off in more than a year. Not once. Not for any reason at all. And now I was supposed to shove it in an envelope and send it back, so that the woman I thought wanted to be my mother. Because she wanted to give it to the child that was really hers. I had no right to be bitter. But I was.

“Dammit. Why are you crying, Cupcake?” I saw the boots before I saw him. He sat down beside me and dropped his backpack.

I would have glared, but my eyes were too blurry. “Why in the hell do you care?”

“You didn’t answer my question. Why do we keep meeting like this? Are you just always having a breakdown?”

I smacked his arm.

“Jesus.” He rubbed the spot I'd hit. “Just tell me what’s wrong. I have a little girl waiting for me.”

I gave in and told him. Then I went back to staring at my finger.

He was quiet for several minutes before he said, “Sounds like a real bitch.”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I pulled the ring off of my finger and looked at it. “I thought they wanted to keep me. I should have known better. Nobody wants to keep me.”

Nickolas looked uncomfortable. “Why did you think they were going to keep you?”

I didn’t know why I was telling him, but it was nice not having the misery all inside anymore. “They’d started the adoption papers. Then my foster mom found out she was pregnant. She told me that they couldn’t handle me and a new baby. So now I’m here.”

My companion looked at his knees. “But you love kids.”

“I do. And I would have loved the baby. They just didn’t want to give me a chance. Once again, I’m just stuck. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Nothing you really can do.”

I held the ring in my hand, and I stared out into the empty parking lot. Why should she get to keep this ring? Why could she throw me away, and still get to take little pieces of me?

I reared my hand back and got ready to chuck the thing. Then Nickolas practically tackled me. “Whoa, calm down.” He had his hand around my fist as he pinned me to the ground. “Posey,” he said calmly. “What are you doing?”

I struggled under him. “Getting rid of this damn thing. It’s mine. I should get to throw it away if I want to.”

He sat me up, but kept his hand over mine. “No. It’s not yours. I’m sorry, but it was always hers. It doesn’t matter if she gave it to you or not. She was never all in with you, and you know it. If they’re the kind of people to not adopt you because of a baby, they never really wanted you in the first place. Don’t let them make you feel like this because god knows they don’t feel it for you.”

The words knocked me on my ass. They never really wanted me… I didn’t want that to be true. But they had me for years. If they wanted to keep me, they would have. They could have adopted me sooner. They could have done a million things.

I didn’t know who I was asking, but the words fell out. “Why does no one want to keep me?”

Nickolas didn’t say anything, but he let me lean on him. My knees were together and resting on his lap, while my head lay on his chest. His arm was under mine, and around my waist.

“Do you want a ride home? I have to get Dahlia now.”

I looked up at him without moving my head. “I thought you didn’t want me seeing her.”

“I don’t. But I can’t leave you here.”

I looked back down. “So you can give me a ride home. Hold me. But you don’t want people knowing that we were almost friends for two days?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” He shoved the ring in my backpack and zipped the pocket. “You’re not wearing that anymore.”

He put my bike in his trunk with my backpack and we got in the car.

The car ride was a quiet one, but Nickolas got out of the car quick enough to open my door for me. I eyed him but he didn’t explain the action.

We started walking to meet Dahlia and she lit up when she saw us. She started running, and her brother knelt down to catch her. Too bad for him that she came running to me instead.

“POSEY!” she yelled before she jumped on me. I hugged her tightly and she hugged me back. “Are you coming back home now? I missed you.”

A sour looking Nickolas came over to us, and patted her back. “She needs to go to her house. She just wanted to say hi.”

Dahlia pouted. “But, I need her to stay with us now. Why does she have to go back? My coyote says that she’s mine.”

“What?” I asked and looked at Nickolas. “Her coyote?”

“Yeah,” Dahlia answered. “When we change, we see everyone all different. Nicky is daddy and you were mommy. What did you see, Nicky?”

Mommy… she had a mommy and I wasn’t her. Still, that did something to me that I didn’t expect. I felt warm.

“Dolly…” Nickolas said like he was warning her. “She’s not mommy. Kim is mommy.”

She shook her head. “My coyote doesn’t know that.”

“I still don’t understand,” I said. “How do you see things differently?”

Nickolas sighed with exasperation. “We’re animals. It’s pure instinct and nothing else. I see Dahlia as my pup.”

“And me? What did you see me as?”

Nickolas ignored me, he took Dahlia from my arms. “We need to get home.”

Dahlia didn’t stop talking for a second on the way to my house. She told me everything I missed in the last couple weeks. I listened with interest and responded in every way she wanted. Then we got home.

She whined. “Nicky, please don’t make her go.”

I saved him this time. “Honey, I have to go. I have a puppy I need to take care of. She’ll get hungry if I don’t go.”

“A PUPPY! I wanna meet her.”

“You got a dog?” her brother asked with skepticism.

“Yeah. I kind of stole her.”

I launched into the tale, and Nickolas earned some points by being angry that Scully had been abused.

“Your foster parents are letting you keep her?”

I bit my lips. “They don’t know.”

His eyebrow arched. “You’re really pushing it. What happens if they find out and then you get kicked out? You’ll have nowhere to go.”

“You can stay with us,” Dahlia offered. “You can sleep with Nicky and he can keep you safe.”

I laughed. “Um, adults can’t just sleep in the same bed, Dahlia.”

“Why not? Mommies and Daddies do it. Nicky has a big bed. I bet he would share.”

I looked at him so he could take care of this. He tried. “It’s different with us. You’re only supposed to do that if you love someone.”

She looked so confused. “But you love Posey, right?”

Oh no.

“I don’t,” he said, with nothing to his voice.

It looked like it broke her heart. “But why not?”

Because I wasn’t meant to be loved.

“Because,” he said. “She needs to go inside now. Say goodbye.”

She frowned. “See you soon, Posey. I can make you more pictures.”

“I’d like that.”

I got my stuff and I went inside, and the first thing I did, was check on Scully. I woke her, and took her out while I had the chance. I fed her again and gave her more water before I started playing with her. She was still sleepy, so I let her be after that. She passed out in the closet in the spot I made her.

When it was time for dinner, I was nervous around the family. I kept my cool but I couldn’t do much more than poke at my food.

“Oh,” Candy said. “Did you get my text? I was going to tell you that your last foster mother wanted to talk to you about something. I gave her your number.”

I nodded. “Yeah, she called.”

“What did she need?”

I paused. “She wanted back the ring she gave me. She wants it for her real daughter.”

Everyone stopped eating. Candy actually dropped her fork. “What? She asked for something from you, that she gave you?”

I nodded.

Then Patton called her something that he shouldn’t have said in front of the kids. “I can’t believe she did that.”

Candy touched my arm. “If I knew she was going to do that, I never would have given her your number.”

“It’s fine,” I lied. “I’m sending it back.”

Candy sat back in her chair. She’d accepted my lie. I didn’t know if she genuinely believed me, or if she just wanted to because it was easier than trying to comfort a stranger.

Patton… not so much. “Don’t you dare send that ring back. She gave it to you. She can’t just call after she kicked you to the curb and ask for presents back.”

I shook my head and smiled. “I really don’t mind. It’s just a ring.”

He knew I was a liar. He also knew that I wouldn’t budge. “Fine then. If you change your mind, tell me and I’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you. But really, I’m fine.”