Chapter 79

Jacob

I'm in turmoil. The girl that came last night to have sex with me left shouting, calling me an arsehole. Most likely the whole building heard her screaming. Everything was fine up to the point when we went to bed. I just couldn't bring myself to fuck her. She called me a loser, and deep down I know that I have become one. There is nothing else left for me. Dora has clouded my whole soul, wrecked me and then disappeared. This isn't how this was supposed to go, no. I wanted to break her, push her to the edge.

I'm still angry, furious, even after all this time apart. That evening, after my conversation with her father, I went to her expecting to hear the truth. Every time we talked I always felt that she wasn't being honest with me, that she was hiding behind her bubbly persona. She pushed me away again, shut herself down, but for some reason I can't erase her from my memory. And that last time I saw her the day of my court case, I sensed she didn't want me to leave, but the ball was in her court and she did nothing.

Now I'm sitting in my big luxury apartment changing channels on the TV and eating crap. Maddie has visited me a few times already, pushing me to do something with myself, to give Dora another chance. I nearly threw her out the last time she tried to tell me what to do. The relationship with my mother is still complicated and silent, but the apology and retraction article are coming out in a couple of weeks, and I have plenty of money in the bank, but that's not the point. I'm unhappy.

I hear a faint knock but ignore it. I don't want to see anyone today. It's probably Pete with a new batch of weed. He can fuck off. I no longer care. My misery will take me back to hell. This sad fucking life is cruel and unfair. Whoever it is doesn't stop banging on my door, so eventually I get up and walk over there, really, really pissed off.

"Pete, I told you to go. What the—?"

"Hi, Jacob," Dora cuts me off in midsentence. I stare at her for a good few seconds, my mouth wide open.

Why is she here? A bit too late, love. I'm over you.

"What do you want, Dora? I'm really not in the mood," I say, not wanting to let her in.

She bites her lips, looking nervous and tense. My dick stirs in my pants. Yeah. Sometimes I'm that pathetic.

"Can we talk, Jacob?" she asks, hesitant.

"No, we have nothing to talk about. I have said everything I wanted to say, thank you very much." I know that I'm being an arsehole, but who cares? She doesn't deserve being treated any other way. Both of us said everything that was needed.

"Please, it won't take long. Can you listen to me for just a few minutes? Afterwards you can throw me out," she says, sounding pretty desperate.

I block the door, eyeing her beautiful face, then move slightly to the side, so she can enter. Hell, I can listen, but I don't know what she is expecting. After she is inside, I walk back to the sofa and start changing channels on the TV, just so I don't have to look at her.

"Jacob, I need to tell you about that afternoon from five years ago," she says, approaching me. I roll my eyes at her.

"The afternoon when you fucked that arsehole and I caught you?" I question her, keeping my eyes on the TV.

She sighs loudly and sits next to me; her knee brushes lightly against my leg. The instant heat wave is a killer.

"It was a set-up, Jacob. I got scared, I panicked … so I called him to arrange it. We didn't have sex. I knew you were coming over that day," she adds, grinding her knuckles.

It takes me a moment to process what she said. Her words roll through my head over and over. Finally after a long moment of silence, I look at her.

"Dora, do you really think that I'll believe shit like that?"

She looks directly at me, flustered and uncomfortable. Odd, she has always hidden her emotions well.

"Jacob. For the first time in my life I'm telling you the truth. I'm trying to explain what actually happened that day. I didn't know that you were going to propose. We were happy and I loved you, but my emotional issues had gotten on top of me. I got scared. Every day I was convincing myself that you were ready to leave me, so I pushed you away first."

I have to get up then and run my hand through my hair, at the same time trying not to roar. She can't be serious. After all this time she is telling me that she never cheated on me, that it was just a stunt.

I take a few deep breaths and walk until the sudden panic goes away.

"And you're telling me this now? Dora, it's been five years."

Then she is beside me. One moment she is sitting on the sofa, the next she is touching me. Her fingers caress my chest, and her touch feels so fucking good. I need to focus. She treated me like I never meant a thing. I remember everything that was said word for word. She let me suffer, and I can't just erase that from my memory.

"Because I finally realise that perfect love doesn't exist, that you were always the one for me. The lies have gotten me nowhere, so it's time to tell you the truth. You asked me about the scars, about what was wrong, and now I'm telling you. I have been afraid, self-conscious about everything, unhappy that my father never paid attention to me, sad and lost without you. A part of me still believes I am a miserable, unlovable creature, but I finally have the courage to try and fight it. I have been cutting myself since college. No one knew, even my mother. It was easier to punish myself than face the problems. Then I met up with you and my life changed.

I have fallen back in love with you. I don't think I ever really stopped but seeing you just made everything so real. That time in Braxton—what we had was the most precious thing in my entire life. I loved you, but then toxic thoughts started slipping in and I was convinced you deserved someone much better than me, and that you would find her and leave me, so I sabotaged what we had."

I don't want to believe her, don't want to listen to her, but this all makes sense. She was happy when we were together, but there was always some kind of abyss between us. Now I see her tears and I understand, but is it enough?

"Dora, you ruined me … I went off the rails when I lost you. This isn't simple anymore."

"I love you, Jacob. I have never stopped loving you and I'm sorry. Hurting you was the worst thing that I have ever done. My life hasn't been right since the moment you left. Ricky and I never slept together. He saw me naked, but that was it. I needed you to hate me, because I thought I couldn't have it any other way," she says, running her fingers over my back with her head down.

This is so fucked up. I have been trying to understand this whole time, to deal with my life, my emotions. God, we should have talked much sooner. We've wasted so many years apart.

I'm holding myself still, trying to process it somehow, but deep down, I want her more than I can hate her.

Instead of pushing her away, screaming at her that it's too late, that she had her chance to make it right, I bring her mouth to mine. I'm no longer in control of myself. This is it. She has finally explained everything and I can only hope that this isn't one of her tricks.

We kiss fast, and with so much passion that the electricity crackles between us. Our skin connects, burning with heat and liquid desire. I grab her face and back her up to the wall, not even knowing what I'm doing. Utter euphoria overpowers me and I know this can't end any other way. We are meant to be, we were always meant to be.

"I love you, Dora, so fucking much … so much," I rasp, stopping for a second, only for a moment so she can hear me.

"I love you too, but just stop talking and fuck me. I can't bloody wait any longer," she says, panting. I laugh and start removing her clothes, kissing her at the same time. She fights with my T-shirt, but when my mouth nibbles her neck, she lets go of that sexy moan. After that I nearly rip the rest of her clothes off. Everything is happening quickly, and I can't wait to be inside her.

I run my hands down her body, touching her silken skin, kissing her breasts, arms and belly. I need her more than anything. She is my Dora and I won't let her out of my sight ever again.

Then it's just us and our naked bodies, skin to skin, lips to lips. We are lost in each other, and the problems disappear. The fear is pushed back, because it's finally just us.

Dora

We are on our way to Gargle, to visit old friends and remind ourselves that once in a while it's good to slow down and have some time away from our busy life in London.

India and Oliver decided to move back to their hometown, Gargle, very recently. When Jacob told me that Oliver invited him for a barbecue, I was skeptical and slightly scared. It was all my fault anyway. After so many years I didn't even bother to keep in touch with India. The day that I started working for Dad, I decided to cut all the ties with that part of my old life. I wanted to erase Jacob out of my memory and India became part of the cut.

We had been friends for years, but after my breakup with Jacob I buried my past deep inside me, sacrificed the years of friendship and kept believing that people from the past didn't deserve being part of my new life.

Now I feel ashamed. India had always pushed for me to be happy, so it's going to be difficult seeing her after so many years.

"Are you sure that they won't mind us coming over? It's been five years," I say to Jacob, trying not to show him that I'm tense. He must be pretty tired already, driving and trying to concentrate on the road. We've talked about this for a while, but he doesn't believe there is an issue.

India had tried to keep in touch. She called, texted and emailed, but I never bothered to respond. She was happily in love, married Oliver a year later, and I couldn't swallow the fact that everyone around me was moving on with their lives, and I was still in that deep dark hole.

"Dora, chill out. They are excited, and India can't wait to see you," Jacob mutters, repeating the same thing once again, and I sink back into my seat, feeling guilty.

A moment later Jacob pulls in front of a large detached house in a quiet secluded street. My stomach contracts slowly. Things are going well for us and I don't want to spoil this now by pulling skeletons out of the closet. A few months ago I moved into Jacob's apartment in Chelsea and I have never been happier.

Jacob is getting on well in the new team and things with his mother are sort of back on track. They are talking. After the apology article came out, Jacob called her and they had a long heart-to-heart conversation. It's still kind of a work in progress, but Jacob seems positive about the future.

Jacob leans over and kisses me for very long time, and the butterflies in my stomach are suddenly alive; the sexual heat automatically melts the toxic thoughts away. My body demands more, but this is not the time or the place. He pulls away, breathing hard.

"Come on then, let's do this," he says, winking at me.

Gargle brings a lot of good memories to me, so I really need to get a grip. India won't hold a grudge against me. She will understand that I went through a bad phase. We both get out of the car and moments later Jacob knocks on the door of their superb home. We don't have to wait long. Oliver Morgan opens the door eyeing me and Jacob with that cracking smile on his face.

"Bro, hey, how you doing? Long time no see," he cheers and embraces Jacob into a tight hug.

"Dora? Oh my God, is that really you? I can't believe it." I hear a squeaky voice behind Oliver and a second later I'm being swept off my feet. India literally jumps on me, hugging me enthusiastically, talking loudly, incoherently. She is squeezing me so hard I can't breathe properly. She must have put a bit of weight on over the years, because there is much more skin on her now than there's ever been.

"India has been eagerly anticipating this evening for the past week," Oliver says, shaking his head when India finally lets me go. I can finally take a good look at her, and oh boy she looks stunning and oh … huge.

"Pregnant? You're expecting!" I shout, completely stunned, noticing her beautifully swelled belly. She is blooming, her hair glowing, shiny and long. Jacob is grinning from ear to ear, not looking surprised at all.

"Yes, a girl. We found out a couple of weeks ago." India beams, rubbing her bump. "Anyway, why are we all standing here? Let's go to the back. Oliver has a barbecue going and we have so much that we have to catch up on."

Then she grabs me by my elbow and starts dragging me through her hallway. The boys are right behind us. I'm overwhelmed with emotions, thoughts racing through my head.

"I'm so glad that you guys decided to come. Oliver has been trying to keep it a secret, but I knew that something was going on, if you know what I mean," she keeps saying.

"Yeah, I was pretty stunned too, you know, since we didn't really keep in touch," I admit.

"Well, don't worry about it. Oliver and I are thrilled that you guys are back together. We always knew that you loved each other. Don't worry, we won't lose touch this time around. My baby girl will need a godmother," she says casually, as we walk into the back garden.

I stop abruptly and look at her, like I've been struck by lightning.

"Godmother? Are you serious?"

She beams and looks at Oliver, who is slapping Jacob on the back, laughing about something. Ever since he proposed to her during the rugby match they probably haven't spent a day apart. My mind is going through a total overload.

"Dora, I love you and I never forgot how close we were before. And if you are Lilli's godmother then you will have no excuse but to keep in touch," India says.

I look at Jacob and when I see that pride in his eyes my heart starts beating exceptionally fast. This whole thing feels surreal. There is a tiny human in India's belly, my India that I haven't seen for years.

I don't do emotional, but right now I can't hold myself back any longer, and tears fill my eyes. I wasn't expecting such a warm welcome, or even a smile. I bring my palms to my face, trying to keep it together. Everyone is staring at me, looking surprised.

"I would be privileged to be your baby girl's godmother, India," I manage to choke out. She starts hugging me again, and then I let go of a happy sob. My heart hammers between my ribs way too quickly. Jacob is pulling me into his arms, kissing my forehead.

"Amazing. I think it's time to open the champagne," Oliver states.

"Dora, I'm sorry, is this too much? I have been so hormonal lately. We should have sat down first."

"No," I say, wiping my tears away. "I'm only emotional and so happy. You just took me by surprise," I say, my voice vibrating. Then we all hear that unmistakable pop and Oliver starts pouring champagne into the glasses set on the table. Our old friends look so happy. Everything worked out well for them, and now that I have Jacob things are looking up for us too.

"To friends," Oliver announces, lifting his glass up for a toast.

"Yes, to amazing friends and your baby girl, bro," Jacob says, wrapping his arm around my waist. When we all toast, I feel like nothing can be as perfect as this. I'm surrounded by my old friends and a man that never stopped loving me. I'm finally happy.

The End