Chapter 65 Heart heavier than ever 2
My phone buzzed again.
Charlotte: Nothing in the courtyard. Any luck?
Me: No. Trying the old music room.
I stood again, dragging my legs beneath me even though they ached from running. From chasing. From losing.
I reached the old wing near the back of the school.The place had been mostly shut down since last year’s renovations.
The door to the music room was closed.
I knocked hard.
“Ava?! Ava, please—if you’re in there, just open the door. Let me talk to you.”
All I got was an eerie silence.
I banged again.
“Ava, I didn’t mean it. You weren’t a bet. Not to me. Never to me.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, lowering my voice.
“You were the only thing real. The only part of this year that made me feel like I wasn’t… drowning.”
I paused, my ear clamped to the door.
Still nothing.
A locker clanged somewhere in the distance, and the spell broke.
She wasn’t in there.
I slumped against the wall and slid down again, staring at the cracks in the tile.
My thoughts spiraled. Maybe she’d left school. Maybe she’d gone home, or worse maybe she went somewhere no one would find her.
That was what scared me most.
Not that she hated me.
But that I’d pushed her into hiding.
And if I couldn’t find her… if I couldn’t fix this…
Then I’d lose her forever.
I pushed myself off the floor with shaky arms and checked the time.
Lunch period was nearly over. Which meant people would start flooding the halls again soon. Which meant I’d have to either explain why I looked like hell or disappear before anyone noticed.
I chose disappearing.
I ducked down the maintenance stairs, the one. Back then, we’d sneak out just to sit on the side steps, drink vending machine coffees, and joke about everything in life.
Now all I wanted was to find her.
To tell her she wasn’t a joke. That she never had been. That those words she’d heard weren’t real. Weren’t me.
But how could I explain that?
How do you walk back the kind of words that break people? She was already broken enough! And I added another betray on top.
I made it outside. The air was sharp and cool But I barely noticed. I scanned the quad, the benches, even the edges of the parking lot where students sometimes sat on their cars pretending to study.
Still nothing.
It was like she’d vanished.
My fingers hovered over my phone again.
Me: Ava please. Just tell me you’re okay. I don’t care if you hate me. Just… say something.
I hit send.
It was marked as delivered, but no read receipt.
Which meant she hadn’t blocked me.
Which meant… maybe there was still a chance.
I turned and walked the perimeter of the school slowly, checking every where. Even the empty bleachers where we first talked alone for real.
Flashbacks came hard.
Her laugh echoing over the field.
Her eyes when she teased me for not knowing the difference between almond and soy milk.
The way her fingers brushed mine under the bleachers when she thought no one was watching.
I’d kill to go back to that moment. To hold her hand in the open instead of in secret. To mean what I said when she looked at me like I mattered.
Instead, I let fear make me cruel.
Because that’s what it was.
fear.
Aaron had his suspicions. He kept digging. And when he caught wind that I wasn’t just sleeping with Ava, he started threatening me about my dad.
“You getting soft, Logan?”
“She’s just a girl, man. Don’t catch feelings.”
He said it in front of Miles. In front of the others. Guys who thrived on secrets and weakness.
And instead of telling him to shut up, I laughed.
I laughed and said those damn words.
“She was just a bet.”
God, I hate myself. I feel like crying.
I don’t even remember how long I sat under the bleachers. Maybe minutes. Maybe hours.
Eventually, I heard footsteps. At first I thought it was Ava but nope it was Charlotte.
She spotted me instantly,her face drawn, her hair messier than usual, eyes filled with worry.
“Anything?” I asked before she could even speak.
She shook her head. “I’ve checked every building twice. Bathrooms, gym, back entrance… nothing.”
“Did you call her brother”
“She hasn’t gone home,” Charlotte said quietly. “I tried. Her brother and sister thought she was with me.”
My stomach turned.
“So she’s out there. Alone.”
Charlotte sat beside me, hugging her knees. “She’s not stupid, Logan. She’s just hurt. Really, really hurt.”
I didn’t answer.
“I saw her face,” Charlotte continued, her voice softer now. “She didn’t even look angry. Just… broken.”
I swallowed hard.
“I know.”
“She trusted you. We trusted you Logan. Even Tristan asked you to tell her before”
“I know that too.”
Charlotte turned her head toward me. “Then why?”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Because I was scared. Because if Aaron told Miles, and Miles told his brother, and my dad got wind of it…”
I trailed off. It sounded pathetic even in my own ears. But I was dumb.
“Because you’re a coward,” Charlotte finished.
I didn’t argue because she was damn right.
Silence hung between us like fog. Then, finally, Charlotte stood.
“I’m going to keep looking. I’ll check the old greenhouse by the science building.”
“Text me if you find anything.”
She nodded and walked away.
And I stayed.
Because part of me hoped desperately that Ava would circle back here. That she’d come to the one place we always ended up. That maybe her heart would forgive mine.
But she didn’t come.
And when the final bell rang and the world started moving again, I stood and walked home alone.
I didn’t go home.
I walked miles. Across the entire damn town until my legs burned and my breath came in cold, ragged clouds.
Every step was a silent prayer.
Please be okay.
Please don’t hate me forever.
Please let me find you.
I checked the café she liked for the hot chocolate. The bookstore that stayed open late even on school nights.
Nothing.
I asked the cashier at the bookstore if they’d seen her. The girl behind the counter shook her head. “No one matches that description today.”
I forced a smile and left before the panic showed.
I texted her again.
Me: Ava, I don’t care where you are. Just let me know you’re safe. I’ll stay away if that’s what you want. Just don’t disappear on me.
I walked some more.
Eventually, the street lights flickered on. The sky went from gray to full black. And still, no sign of her.
People passed by laughing, shouting, holding hands. Like the world was still spinning the way it should. But mine wasn’t.
Mine was frozen in that moment she turned and ran away.
And the worst part?
I couldn’t even blame her.
Because I betrayed her.
Not just with words. But with silence. With cowardice. With pretending she meant less just to save myself.
I ended up in the park.
The one near her neighborhood.
I sat there ,Alone and Shivering.
And for the first time in years,I cried.
Not the kind of crying you can hide. Not the quiet kind you choke back in a bathroom mirror. But real, guttural, heart-twisting sobs that tore out of me like screams.
Because I didn’t know how to fix this.
Because I didn’t know if it could be fixed.
And because losing her felt like losing every good part of myself at once.
I don’t know how long I stayed like that.
Eventually, my phone buzzed.
My heart thumped loudly thinking it was Ava, hands shaking as I yanked it out of my jacket.
But it wasn’t Ava.
It was Charlotte.
Charlotte: Still nothing. I’m heading home in case she shows up there.
Charlotte: Let me know if you find her. Please.
I replied.
Me: I will. I promise.
But I didn’t move.
I sat there under the dim yellow glow of the streetlamp, trying to memorize the last time I saw her smile. The way her eyes lit up when she teased me. The curve of her lips when she leaned in just a little closer than necessary.
And I made myself a promise.
Even if she never wanted to see me again…
Even if she blocked me, hated me, erased me from her life…
I’d still fix this.
Not for me.
For her.
Because Ava deserved the truth. Not half-buried beneath sarcasm. Not twisted into some disgusting joke to earn points from assholes like Aaron.
She deserved love that wasn’t afraid.
I stood up slowly, my knees stiff, and my heart heavier than ever.
I walked home with nothing but silence.