Chapter 48

He won't positively take this rejection from seeing how he is acting now. All possessive over me again. He can see me in pain, but I can't. My heart pains when I see him like that. My fingers curled into a fist when his lips touched my skin where he had his marks. I was breathing heavily. I bite my lips to stop myself from crying out loud.

Tears rolled down from my cheeks. I have no choice left. I can't see him harming himself anymore. His hand is bleeding very badly and if he punches the wall again with that hand he will for sure need stitches on it and if I refuse him he will go insane. I know how stubborn he is. He won't even get stitches on his hand if I refuse him. Only one choice is left for me…

I have to let him do whatever he wants to do. But first I have to bandage his hand. He has made me this weak towards him.

“Z..anvil let me bandage your hand first,” I said while trying to stop him in a breaking voice. Tears were still flowing from my eyes.

“It's not needed, what I need now is only you,” he said in anger while taking my hands in his hands intertwined our fingers and then he pinned them above my head and again he crashed his lips to mine. He kissed me hard. The way he was doing it. He was expecting a response. He growled when I didn't respond to him back and it was a warning for me to kiss him back. I gave in. Tears slipped from the corner of my eyes. Closing my eyes more tightly I followed his movements. Freeing my hands he moved his hand to my waist when I started responding to him back.

He moved his body nearer to me pushing me against the wall. I could feel his hard muscles on my body's every part. He was not sparing my lips for a second. He slid my shirt completely off my shoulder and it slid from my arm and fell on the floor leaving me in only my shorts. My body shivered when the cold breeze touched my bare skin with his lips and hands moving all over my body. He descended his lips to my neck and his wet kisses traveled to my chest.

“Z---Zan” he did not let me finish because his lips were again on mine. My hands were fisted on his hard chest. He broke the kiss and looked at me with demanding eyes. I was looking at him with misty eyes.

“Tell me, love,” he said while resting his forehead on mine he breathed heavily. “Tell me that you are mine,” he said in a demanding voice while looking at me. His eyes were commanding me to say I'm his. His eyes were searching in my eyes to find if I'm going to back away. I did not repeat his words. He clenched his jaw in anger and again fisted his hand. I saw him with worried eyes. He lifted his hand again to punch at the wall. If I don't say it he will again harm himself. I stopped him.

“I'm yours, please don't harm yourself,” I said in a pleading voice.

“I won't till you say that you won't go away from me. You won't leave me. You won't refuse me” he said with a cleantech jaw in anger. I looked at him in disbelief. Why he wants me to say all those things. When he doesn't want me in his life. Tears were flowing from my eyes. He knows if I say those things to him I won't back away. Why he is doing this with me. Something heavy was put on my heart. I can't say things which he will not consider when he comes to his right state of mind. I don't know why he wants me to say it. He told me that I don't matter to him in his life. Why he is making me say things that will mean nothing to him afterward. I want to scream and ask him this question but I can't because his face is telling me to don't question him. He was waiting for my answer and he was getting impatient with it. His eyes were telling me to repeat his words. I can't do it. Warm tears slipped from the corner of my eyes.

“Zanvil listens to me..” he did not let me complete my sentences because the next thing I knew was he punched the wall again with more force and it was written on his face that he will do it again if I refuse to say those words. He again lifted his hand and my eyes widened in horror.

“I'm yours. I won't go away from you. I won't refuse you. Please don't harm yourself” I said in one breath while cupping his face with my small hands stopping him from doing anything else. After listening to my words his eyes showed happiness in them. He was satisfied with my answer but he still wanted to make sure what I said to him “Repeat” he said in a commanding voice. His eyes were telling me that he was eagerly waiting to hear those words again. I was staring at him in disbelief. It was hard for me to say it once and now he wants me to repeat my words. His grip became strong on my arms. His grip was telling me to say it. I saw him with teary eyes.

“I'm yours. I won't go away from you” I said these words with a heavy lump forming in my throat. His eyes were telling me to complete my sentences.

“I..l..w..won't refuse you,” I said in a breaking voice. Tears sliding out of the corner of my eyes.

“Good because I won't let you back away now. You are only mine. No one can take you away from me. I won't let that happen ever” he said and claimed my lips with more force. His possessive kiss was saying to me that he wanted me to remember what I had said to him and now I can't back away whatsoever. Why will someone try to take me away? What is going in his head? I was breathless when he spared my lips. He was not ready to break contact with my body. My body was shivering in his touch. His wet kisses moved down from my neck to shoulder spreading a burning sensation all over my body. He bitted on my previous marks and I wailed in pain and foreign sensation but the pain was soon gone when he sucked on my skin. His touch is making me weak in my knees. His lips moved down. He kissed my cleavage and I got stuck on my breath. His hands moved up from my waist to my breast. The bolt of pleasure ran throughout my body. Breathing was becoming harder for me.

“I want you so bad,” he said while moving his hands upward. An involuntary gasp left out of my mouth. His hand moved to unhook my bra. My body went stiff if it was even possible after listening to his words. My body was trembling in fear and his hand was still bleeding badly.

“Z...Zanvil please l..let me badge your hand first,” I said in a pleading way in a breaking voice. His touch was making me insane. My voice came out so weak from my throat because of all the sobbing. He lifted his head and looked at me with undefined emotions in his eyes. He kissed at the corner of my lips and I closed my eyes again then his fingers moved to my cheeks to wipe out my tears. As soon as he wiped those tears fresh tears fell from my eyes. I lowered my eyes. He cupped my cheeks with his hands and made me see him. His thumb aging wiping out freshly felt tears. He was looking at me with his dark see colored eyes which were saying something to me. I was not able to read it. His eyes moved back at my lips where his thumb was tracing a line on my lips.

“Stupid,” he said with a smirk. I glared at him with furrowed brows in confusion. It was like my expression made him amused. He again smirked at me and he kissed me softly, not demanding anymore. I did not want to kiss him back. Why the hell he called me stupid. But it was so soft that I couldn't resist kissing him back. I kissed him back but still, my mind was asking me the same question.

Why did he call me stupid?

I just want to bandage his bleeding hand. Breaking the kiss his eyes roamed on my body. I shivered in his gaze. He slipped his t-shirt from his body. My eyes widen in more fear. He won't listen to me. He will do whatever he wants to do. My opinion never matters to him. Removing his t-shirt he saw at me and smirked. I swallowed hard looking at his hard tempting chest. My face has lost its color a long time ago. He came more near me if it was even possible. He moved his face in my neck and nuzzled there. He took a long breath and then he kissed my shoulder. It was like he was making the hardest decision of his life. My body was still in a stiff position and I closed my eyes in fear. Next thing I felt him slipping his t-shirt on me. I shivered again at the contact of his bare chest to mine. I saw him with confused eyes. He once more saw me.

“Go get the first aid box fast before I change my mind for good,” He said while softly pecking my lips. I saw him with a shocked expression. I was still standing there with the same expression. What he just agreed with me.

“I think you don't want to bandage my hand,” he said while moving his hand inside my t-shirt.

“then le..” I did not let him complete his sentence because l slipped out of his hold and ran to the bathroom with a red face to take the first aid kid before he changed his mind. I was feeling weak in my legs but I managed to run without falling. Reaching the bathroom I started searching for a first aid kit. My heart was beating wildly. While taking out the kit from the upper cabinets. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was in his big t-shirt with my face red as a tomato. My lips were swollen and there were his new marks on my neck. I touch them with the tip of my fingers and as soon as I touch them.

I felt his lips were on me again and I immediately removed my hands. My heart again started beating wildly. I could still feel his hands moving on every curve of my body. Claiming myself I took a hold of the first aid kit and went back to the room. He was standing there only in his sweatpants lost in his thoughts and I was staring at his exposed chest. He sensed my presence and looked at me. Oh God, he caught me staring at him. He looked at me with a piercing gaze. Biting my lip I gesture him to sit on the bed. His eyes lingered on my face but he followed my instruction. With trembling hands, I took his hands in mine and it was bleeding badly. I disinfected it with a disinfectant.

I didn't want to see his face but seeing his tempting chest was not doing anything good for me. I swallowed hard and lowered my eyes. The room was so silent like nothing happened here five minutes ago. His eyes were fixed on me following my every session were a little bit calm from before. My whole body was burning in his gaze. Swallowing hard I bandaged his hand. I don't know when he will snap out and change his mind. What will I do if he changes his mind? He is so unpredictable. I was done with bandaging and I was about to stand up and keep a first aid box back when he stopped me and asked.

“Where the hell are you going?” he said with anger. I was shocked seeing his sudden change of mood.

“T..to keep it back,” I said in a small voice.

“It's not needed, I don't want you to go anywhere now,” he said in anger, taking the box from my hand he threw it on the nightstand and pulled me to him. I clashed with his bare hard chest and he pulled me on him. He caged me in his arms and I was laying on his chest. His hands moved to the back of my lower body. I gasped at his sudden touch and it happened so fast he moved me under him. He was now hovering over me and my hands were fisted on my chest. My heart was beating wildly. He took hold of my fisted hands in his bandage and pulled them away from my chest he nuzzled in my neck. I gulped at his actions.

“From now onwards when I come back home I want you to be here in our room as soon as I call you and in this bed, too,” he said in a commanding voice. My eyes were wide with fear in them. What did he just say now? I was looking at him with stunned eyes. Why he wants me in bed all the time.

“Am I clear,” he said while lifting his head from my neck when I did not respond.

“Am I clear?” he said with a clenched jaw in a bone-shivering voice. I was not able to say anything. Swallowing hard I just nodded at him.

“Say it” he commanded me in the same voice.

“Y..yes,” I said in a breaking voice.

“Good if you don't do it. You won't like what will happen next” he said in danger of a warning voice. He again nuzzled in my neck and inhaled deeply. His arm encircling my waist he pulled my body to his hard chest nearer to him if it was even possible. His face was still in my neck with closed eyes and his lips were touching my skin. My body was still in a stiff position.

Does he want us to sleep like this? How I'm supposed to sleep like this in this position. How I can sleep after hearing his commands which he wants me to follow. I don't know what has got in his head. Why he made me say all those things and why he suddenly thinks that someone wants to take me away from him. Why will some want to take an orphan like me? He too doesn't even want me in his life. What made him think this thing. What made him behave like this today. I saw that he had his eyes closed. I could see the tiredness on his face. He had little dark circles under his eyes. He has been working continuously from the day we came back. His hair was shabby like he moved his hands uncountable in his hair.

How can someone manage to look perfect, even being imperfect? It was like he sensed that I was looking at him; he opened his eyes and caught me staring at him. I immediately closed my eyes. Oh God, he caught me again because he was not sleeping. I felt his lips moving on my neck. I fisted my hand on his chest. Whatever happens, I'm not going to open my eyes. I commanded myself and closed my eyes with more force. I was still feeling his lips moving on his marks on my skin. He again beat them lightly with his teeth. I bit my lip from stopping myself from making any kind of noise. His hand was under my shirt on my bare waist with a tight grip. Like I would run away from him if he doesn't hold me that tight.

I refused to open my eyes. How I'm supposed to sleep like this. I don't know when his lips stopped moving on my skin because I was too exhausted to stay awake the whole night and tomorrow's my first day of work. I drift in sleep with him holding me tightly to his body. In the morning when l woke up we were still in the same position. His hold was still tight and possessive on me. I looked at him with half-open eyes to see he was already staring at my face. I tried to give him a faint smile but he saw me with the same dark stare which he gave me when I first came to leave this house. That stare told me I was unwanted in his life. There was no sign of emotions I saw in his eyes last night he was back to himself.

My eyes were filled with tears before my tears were unleashed in front of him. I needed to get away from him. I can't show him how weak he has made me. It was hard for me to get away from his hold when he didn't want me to release from his possessive grip. I went to my closet holding my tears from falling and I heard the bathroom door closing sound. I was still standing there lost in my thoughts when he came out completely dressed for work. Without sparing him a glance I went inside to shower and get ready for my first day of work. When the warm water hit my cold skin that time my tears started flowing too. I don't know how much I cried. I think he came back to his right state of mind.

Why does he have to behave like this every time? Why he has behaved like nothing happened last night. Like he hadn't made me say things which I never thought he would threaten me to say to him. Last night he told me that I'm his but today why he is giving me that unwanted stare. He was always like this Jane don't stress yourself because of him. Don't let him make you weaker anymore don't forget you have done all this only because of uncle and aunt's happiness. Everything will be fine. Everything will get better. I composed myself and breathed deeply to remind myself that I'm still alive and I need to live my life to the fullest even if the devil is trying to make everything hard for me. I came out of the bathroom in a dress which Nina had chosen for me in a red tuck in a blouse and black pencil skirt. My hair is a little wet. I need to blow dry it. He was not in the room, maybe he has gone down. Good, I need some time with myself alone. I took a blow dryer out when suddenly arms encircled my waist from behind with possessive grip. I gasped at the sudden touch which sends chills to my spine. I was standing like a statue. He removed my little-wet hair from the back and his lips met with the back of my neck giving me a burning sensation all over my body.

A low moaned left from my throat. How can my body betray me and obey him? He turned me and my eyes were still low, not ready to meet his unwanted stare. Holding my chin he made me look up in his eyes but still, my eyes were low, not ready to feel that unwantedness which he didn't fail to give from the movement I entered this house. “Look at me,” he said in a bone-shivering voice which made me look into his eyes. His face was holding a satisfied smirk because I obeyed him without questioning him back. “I want you not to tell anyone at the office that we are married that you are my wife. Remember it's for them not to know you are my wife but you don't have to forget that you are my wife. For them I'm unmarried but you will be married. I don't want you to get any closer with male employees over there. That company is yours but still, I'm the right full owner of everything till now. Don't forget that I'm your boss and you have to obey me” he said in a warning spine-chilling voice. I looked at him in disbelief. Why I have to be married to a free man. Why I have to be in hell and him in heaven after him being the devil. I didn't respond to him because he doesn't want anyone to know that I'm married to him. Is he ashamed of telling the people that he is married to a homeless orphan or the person he is in love with also works there?

That's why he doesn't want her to know the truth that he is married to me? He doesn't want to cause her the pain because of this but why he has to cause all the pain to me. Was it not enough for him to see how much pain he has caused me till now and now he wants me to suffer more.

“Am I clear?” he asked when I was still staring at him in disbelief, pain, and weak emotions in my eyes. I did not answer him, instead, I asked him a question in return.

“D..do y..you love someone,” I said in a loving voice controlling my emotions spilling out of my eyes. My question caught him off guard. He looked at me with a piercing gaze. He was speechless for some time. But soon he composed himself. I don't know what answer I'm expecting from him. I don't know why I even asked him this question before thinking twice. To make your life more miserable than before. My inner voice mocked at me. I was waiting for his answer. He looked straight into my eyes and opened his mouth to say it. My heart was beating wildly. I think he could hear it too.

Am I ready to listen to his answer? No, but I need to know.

“Yes,” he said in a straight voice, cut and clarity. Hearing his answer my heart dropped to my stomach. My emotions were ready to flow from the corner of my eyes. But I composed myself. I need to ask him one more most important question. A swallowing lump was forming in my throat I asked.

“D..does s..she works at the same place.” He saw me and nodded his head and my heart was stabbed with thousands of knives. I lowered my eyes not really to show him the pool which was formed in my eyes. He ducked his face in my neck and did not make any efforts to prevent his lips from touching my skin.

“Don't worry you will meet her soon she will be so happy to meet you” he said it like he was stating the fact while inhaling my scent. The ground slipped beneath me. I was feeling weak on my knees. Yes, of course, she will be happy to see the unwanted wife of her boyfriend. He pressed his lips to my neck and said “Come down fast you don't want me to punish you for coming late to the office on your first day” he said in a warning voice. My eyes were still low. He picked my lips for the last time and left the room. I was not able to hold any longer because my tears slipped from my left eye.

How can he say that his girlfriend will be happy to meet me? How can some girlfriend be happy after seeing her boyfriend with someone else? Is she happy after seeing her boyfriend cheating on her? My whole marriage is cheating. How someone can be happy in such a relationship. Because she loves him more than anything else. My heart stated the fact. Maybe she knows that the whole thing is fake of course she knows everything is fake that's why she is positively taking everything. After all, everything was against his will. And seeing how Zanvil doesn't want to cause her pain he must truly love her. I should be happy for him that he has such a good person as the love of his life.

Unlike a person like me, he is ashamed of telling people that I'm his wife. An unwanted tear slipped from my eyes. Is this tear in happiness for his good life or towards the misery of my life. If he loves her so much why does he has to hold me so possessively? Why he has to kiss me as he is claiming me as his. How can someone kiss the most hated person in his life if he loves his girlfriend so much? Because this is your uniform for marrying him against his will because you gave him this right when you agreed to marry him against his will. these if myristate until everything ends for I need to accept this harsh reality of my life. Maybe accepting it sooner will lessen the pain and misery which is causing me now. Will it lessens if I accept it?

Was the question my heart was screaming and asking me so it can lessen its pain.