Chapter 71

LEARNING TO GRIEVE

Tobe watched his elder sister move around the house doing chores she had brought upon herself. When he got home, he felt beyond sad to hear of Benjamin's demise. Benjamin was also a father figure in his life and his passing away shook Tobe. He knew his younger sisters were getting on well but his biggest fear had been his elder sister.

Earlier that day, Obi had gone to the mortuary to finalize things with them about Benjamin's burial. He had stated that he was to be buried beside his mother in his hometown. She wanted everything he requested to be as he had stated. Mr. John was the one in charge of most things, relaying each development to her. Chukwudi had promised to come over, to offer his condolences too.

Obi put on a brave face for her children because she needed to. The only problem she had was keeping food inside her stomach. Everything she ate tasted like chaff so she barely ate while she carried out her agenda.

Benjamin's relatives had been coming to the house offering their condolences and Obi was irked by the presence of some of them. Aside from his great uncles and aunts, and some of his relatives from his father's side, Obi genuinely cared less about his relatives from his mother's side. They had all abandoned her husband and now that he was dead they became suddenly too interested in their welfare.

Amongst the people she felt this grave dislike for, was Chioma's mother. The angst Obi suffered from her husband’s death, coupled with regrets made Obiefune's presence intolerable. She treated him like a plague avoiding him, having little to no conversations with him. Guilt had raided her core and she felt responsible for the loss of her husband.

The last few days with her husband, she had thoughts of another man in her mind. She had been committing adultery, maybe that's why Benjamin died. He probably saw his death coming and took them to the village, still Obiefune came there and ruined everything.

No matter how much she had thought she cared for Obiefune, she had realized that his closeness to her was toxic. Akubueze had also visited the house, encouraging Obi with words.

"Benjamin would be happy wherever he is, He always wanted to die fulfilled. You gave him two children, a peaceful home. You have to accept that you did well, you were brave! Ịnụ and you need to be strong for your children. Remember you can always call me if you need help"

“How could she be brave when he was no more, how would she ever get over his loss?”

Akubueze patted Obi's shoulder and she offered him a smile. Obiefune's mother was the next to offer her condolences and Obi cared less about the words that slipped out of her lips. She also smiled at the woman and quickly moved away, the resentment she bore for Mrs. Obioma could not be pacified with mere words of encouragement. Her sons went to Funmi's house and the girls helped Tobe to carry out tasks that her husband used to do.

Obi picked out Benjamin's clothes and wrapped them up. He had instructed that they be sent to charity. The only clothes he left were the ones he hadn't worn. She went to her work like bees in hive making honey, she would load the clothes in boxes and move them out of their house to the garage where they would be picked and sent to charity. Eyes were on her as she walked up and down, dragging boxes and moving clothes.

"Ịdị (Are you) sure that she is doing fine?" Tobe questioned Ifenna with a wary look as Obi brushed him off when he offered to help.

The siblings exchanged stares between Chioma and Obiefune and focused their gaze on a struggling Obi who was bringing a heavy luggage downstairs. She would grunt while pushing, often holding the rails of their stairs for support.

By the time she got to the last stairs she was panting and sweating. Obiefune wanted to help her so badly but he had seen the way Obi turned down Tobe's offer and with the attitude he had been receiving from her it seemed as if she did not want him near.

Obi leaned over the box, taking in gulps of air. She turned to her audience and smiled at them before pulling the luggage out of the house with its wheels.

"Tobe I think she's fine. When mother died, sister got engaged two days after her burial and got married a few months later. She's dealing with her loss quite well, she's only moving things." Ifenna replied immediately

"Biko! How is this okay? Obi has worn that oversized shorts for two days straight! She's wearing a masculine cologne, carrying her husband's belongings out of the house like someone organizing a yard sale! And you're saying she's dealing with the loss quite well. Something is definitely not right with her" Chioma declared

"She is pregnant" Obiefune announced out of the blues

"isi gịnị?" (What did you say?) the others chorused with surprise

"Ọ di ime, she's pregnant. She told me at the hospital after he died. She's with Benjamin's child and honestly with the way Obi is going, I fear for her unborn child" Obiefune stated grimly while rubbing his brows.

"And you're telling us now! Bibi sometimes I wish I could break your skull. Tobe march up to that room and bring down the remaining boxes. Obiefune fix those bulbs, I'll talk to Obiukwu"

Chioma met Obi staring at all the items she had brought out of her room. She watched her stretch her tired arms and decided Obi needed to rest. Chioma moved close to her and embraced her. Obi was puzzled by the gesture but chalked it up to pity.

"Chi I am fine, you people should stop checking on me like someone who will die the next minute."

"We just want to help you, ọ gwụla. You're doing so much on your own. Don't forget anyụ kọọ mamịrị ọnụ ya gbaa ofufu. We are all dealing with his loss, just let us help you. Besides you shouldn't be doing any strenuous thing in your condition"

"My condition? Obiefune told you, didn't he?"

"Yes he did, he's only concerned. Not just him, everyone. Your siblings, me, tell us what to do and we'll do it"

Obi nodded and stepped out of the garage, Chioma noticed that she was getting pale and instructed her to rest. When she walked into the house, she saw Obiefune fixing the light bulbs and became agitated, this was what Benjamin used to do. She marched over to the ladder and gestured that he got down.

"You need to stop it! Seriously. You told them about my pregnancy when I haven't even disclosed that information to anyone! What is your problem? Stop trying to fill in his role, he just died! What we had was in the past and honestly we have no future, you and I. So stop! Stay the hell away from me and stop fixing things in this house! "

Chioma watched the exchange and Obiefune grew speechless.

"Obi I am only trying to help! That's all I've been trying to do for you. Is that wrong? What did I do wrong? Please tell me"

"You are here and he is not" She spoke coldly before Obiefune walked away. He had earnestly grown tired of the treatment he was receiving

Obi felt a pang of pain as he walked away, knowing that she had probably gone too far. But maybe it would be better if Obiefune just went away. She did not want him dead, but she wished Benjamin hadn't died too. Remorse slowly crept in as she locked eyes with Chioma who shook her head before averting her gaze. She allowed them to help her with things that Benjamin requested while the burial approached.

Obiefune barely came to the house after that incident and when he did, he made sure to avoid Obiukwu at all costs. Obi often heard his voice from her room and made no attempt to see him.

Her wardrobe was slowly filled with mourning clothes and as the day drew closer, the angrier she found herself. Everyone including her sons tasted her bitterness, she yelled at any instant, barking orders like a deranged person. It was Chioma who helped quell her temporary insanity.

"Did Obi mourn your mother?" Chioma asked Tobe on the day of the burial

"Yes she did, though her affiliation with Benjamin must have limited that. I think my sister was furious with father and eager to leave than grieve and Benjamin was the window. Sometimes I feel she bottled everything up inside. I guess she mourned mother in her own way. Why do you ask?"

"Obi is not grieving well, she is trying to put on this tough appearance and all I see are pieces of a broken woman. She has developed this certain rage and is angry with Obiefune who is only trying to help and now all she thinks of is giving Benjamin's property away. She hasn't let herself feel the pain, she can't heal if she doesn't process that pain. From the way I see it, Obi needs to mourn people. She needs to learn how to grieve".

She overheard the conversation but paid no heed to it. She dressed her sons and quickly got them into the ambulance with them while the others went with their individual cars. Their house had been the rally point and they proceeded from there to Imo State where her husband would be buried

The processions and sermons Obi saw in a blur, she had lived through that process once and she felt odd reliving it.

It was as if she could tell the next event before it happened, she could recite the scriptures they used, "Time to sow and time to reap". She knew the rites to be performed and the hymns to be sung.

Benjamin's relatives were there in their mourning clothes plus villagers who lamented because of his young age. They gave her encouraging looks and often tapped her shoulder. She had become exactly what she didn't want to be "A widow and a motherless ". She smiled at the irony of things, she stole glances at Obiefune who held her sons in place and her siblings who were in tears. A tear or two had slipped past her eyes but she wiped them quickly. She had to be strong for everyone.

She was called to read her husband's biography and she found herself stuttering, sniffing and clearing her throat at almost every paragraph.

"You lived a fulfilled but short life and I know that you are at peace. Rest in the bosom of lord, dị m omaa(My good husband)"

She ended on that note and while she stared at Benjamin's body clothed in one of his traditional outfits, she realized that after that day, his presence might not be felt again in his room.

Benjamin's father wept as she stepped down from the altar. Obi knew the man partly blamed himself for his son's demise, knowing the paternity of the boys meant he had also lost everything.

The church led them as they progressed to Mr. Igwe's house. Obi linked her hand with the old man's and he held her strongly. The boys were led by Obiefune and his sister, while Tobe held his younger sisters who were in tears. The grave site had already been prepared and while the priest finished with the concluding rites, he beckoned on the undertakers and they lowered the corpse to the ground.

Obi was the first to throw in sand to the grave, followed by her sons, Benjamin's father, then his aunts before the grave was covered. The guests that came encouraged the family with words and gifts. Obi rendered her appreciation speech after the guests were fed before she moved into their house to be with her own family.

Her sisters clung to her and her sons wept for a while before people left. Obi bumped into Akubueze and he embraced her, it seemed as if he had been crying as well.

She thanked him for his support before Obiefune walked out and they exchanged pleasantries. Obi was surprised that Obiefune knew who Akubueze was.

"Your husband's brother is a good man. I only wished that he could have stayed longer. He was a match which I suppose you know, so selfless just like Benjamin"

Obi was puzzled with his statement and meant to enquire what he meant before her father in law whisked her away.

"I know they're not my grandchildren by blood, but my son saw those boys as his and that will not change, I assure you" Mr. Igwe stated on a somber note.

"I know, thank you very much" Obi said embracing the old man. She whispered something into his ears that brought a smile to his face.

"God did not abandon us after all" Mr. Igwe stated as he walked away with that same smile plastered on his face.

By nightfall exhaustion had hit the whole family and they all slept. She was the only one who did not blink, she couldn't sleep no matter how hard she tried. She decided to get some air but saw Obiefune on the balcony also doing the same. Immediately he saw her, he got tensed and decided to leave but she stopped him.

The both of them sat on the chair staring at the skies where the stars had come out to play. Obi felt cold in matter of minutes and Obiefune hesitantly drew her to his side. He fished out a wrapper and covered Obi with it. She recognized the wrapper as one of Mma's and was amused by the fact that Obiefune stole one of the old woman's belongings. He did really love that woman so much, if he needed her clothing to be around him.

Mma could not attend Benjamin's burial, neither did her father or her half -sisters. Janet seemed to be dealing with a serious condition that Obi intended to find out about.

The two of them enjoyed their wordless exchange as the cool night breeze kissed their bodies. For Obiefune, it was goodbye and to her, it was just a moment of weakness that she was willing to allow. She fell asleep after sometime and Obiefune took her into her bedroom. He was almost at the door before she sleepily requested that he join her.

"Biko, oyi ji m (please, I am cold)Please stay, stay for tonight"

Obiefune crept onto the bed as he realized that he was hopelessly vulnerable to Obi's requests and wrapped his hand around her while she slept peacefully. That night she had dreamt a tree which was bare had begun to sprout new leaves and even though she didn't understand what it meant, she felt it was good.

Obi woke up to an empty bed and room, it was as if Obiefune was never there. And in the morning while the family prepared to go home she realized that he had left. Chukwudi arrived at their house before them and spent time with his bereaved cousin. He bought gifts for her children and her siblings.

Obi watched with amusement how they tackled Chukwudi to the ground, just like they used to with her late husband.

"Obi maybe you need to go away. We'll take care of the children, I've decided to reside here permanently".

"Go where? Chi, I'll be fine I promise, these things take time".

"Maybe you should leave the house entirely, Obi you need to find yourself again ịnụ. You have changed so much, you need some time alone" Chioma advised

At first it didn't make sense to Obi but after giving it thought, she decided she had to leave. Her sons would be brought to visit her where she was and she'd have enough space and time to heal. She had made herself intolerable to her family because of how she dealt with her emotions.

Obi found it odd that Obiefune had not shown up at their house, but she figured that she needed to push everything aside for her own healing process.

She was going to learn how to grieve, to feel pain and heal. She had thought of many places to go to but finally resolved with the only place it all began, home.