Chapter 1 One
Terra’s POV
I stood in front of the mirror, brushing my hair, feeling the weight of Collins’ words from the night before still clinging to me. His offer to be his assistant at the hospital was kind—maybe even thoughtful. But I wasn’t sure if it was something I could take on. Getting too close to him again wasn’t part of my plan, no matter how much our family history kept weaving us together.
“What are you going to do, Terra?” I muttered to myself, staring into my reflection.
The sound of footsteps behind me made me jump. It was Collins, leaning against the doorframe with that familiar grin on his face. “Talking to yourself now? You know that’s the first sign of losing it, right?”
I rolled my eyes, turning to face him. “I’ve been losing it for a long time now.”
He chuckled. “So, have you given it any more thought? My offer still stands. I could really use the help at the hospital, and you’re more than qualified. You’ll get hands-on experience, and honestly, the kids love having you around.”
I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know, Collins. It’s just… complicated.”
“You’ve always been complicated, Terra.” He stepped into the room, his voice softening. “But you don’t have to make it harder than it needs to be. We’re friends, we’ve always been friends. You don’t have to keep me at arm’s length.”
“I’m not—” I began, but Collins interrupted me.
“Yes, you are.” His eyes held mine for a moment. “I get it. You don’t want to mix your personal life with… whatever this is. But, Terra, you don’t always have to do things alone.”
I bit my lip, wanting to say something, but the words got stuck in my throat. Before I could respond, Collins’ phone rang, breaking the moment.
“I’ve got to take this,” he said, glancing at the screen. “It’s Hale. We’ll talk later, okay?”
I nodded, grateful for the interruption as he left the room, his voice fading as he answered the call. Alone again, I tried to push the conversation out of my mind and focus on getting dressed. As I sifted through my clothes, something caught my eye—a picture frame buried under a pile of folded shirts. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the face staring back at me. Nathan.
The familiar ache returned, stronger than ever. I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the photo, a thousand memories flooding my mind all at once. The rejection, the pain of him walking away, leaving me to raise our boys alone.
I pressed the picture to my chest, tears spilling down my cheeks. I couldn’t help but imagine what life would’ve been like if Nathan had stayed. What if he had been here? Sitting at the breakfast table, laughing with the boys, helping with their homework. Maybe, just maybe, things would’ve been different.
“Why did you have to leave?” I whispered, my voice cracking. “Why wasn’t I enough?”
Just then, the door burst open, and Landon and Alex charged into the room, their laughter filling the space.
“Mom! It’s time for breakfast!” Alex announced, hopping onto the bed beside me.
I quickly wiped my tears, trying to hide the photo. “I’m coming, I’m coming. You two sure are impatient.”
Landon’s eyes locked onto mine, and his smile faltered. “Mom, were you crying?”
I forced a smile, brushing my hand over my face. “No, sweetie. Just thinking about some old stuff. It’s nothing.”
Landon’s brow furrowed. “Is it about… Dad?”
I swallowed hard. “It’s not important, Landon. Now, go help your brother set the table, okay? I’ll be down in a minute.”
He hesitated, but eventually nodded and left the room with Alex. As soon as they were gone, I turned back to the picture of Nathan. My hands shook as I stared at his face for what I knew would be the last time.
I grabbed the lighter from the nightstand drawer and held it in my hand, feeling its weight. A small voice inside me screamed to stop, but I couldn’t listen anymore. I flicked the lighter, watching the flame dance in front of me. Without hesitation, I held it to the edge of the photo, watching as it began to burn.
Nathan’s face blackened and curled as the flames consumed the picture, turning it into nothing more than ash. I opened the window and tossed the burning photo out, watching it disappear into the breeze.
“That’s it,” I whispered to myself. “The past stays in the past.”
I wiped my eyes one last time and headed downstairs. The boys were already seated at the table, fighting over who got the biggest spoon for their cereal.
“Mom! Come on, sit with us!” Alex called out, waving his spoon in the air.
“Alright, alright,” I said, laughing as I took my seat. “You two sure know how to start the day.”
Landon watched me carefully as I sat down. “Mom… are you sure you’re okay?”
I reached out and ruffled his hair. “I’m better than okay, Landon. I’ve got you and your brother. What more could I need?”
His expression softened, but he still looked concerned. “You don’t have to pretend, you know. We’re here for you too.”
I smiled, feeling the tears threaten to come again, but this time they were from gratitude. “Thank you, sweetheart. I promise, I’m okay. You two are all I need.”
He nodded, satisfied for now, and turned his attention back to his cereal. As I watched my boys chatter and laugh over their breakfast, I felt lighter. The past was finally behind me, and I was ready to move forward.
This time, I wasn’t looking back.
\----
With fondness in my eyes and utmost love for my boys, i watched them haggle over nothing in particular as they gulped in their cereal. It gladdened my heart that I still had a strong back up from my boys.
It was as though I was realizing for the first time that the boys meant the world to me. Still holding unto the thin smile that laced my face, I fixated my gaze on my meal and ate.
The chatter between the boys over breakfast began to die down till it faded off completely. I raised my head to have a look at their faces and saw that Lucas maintained a happy face but Landon kept a straight face. He seemed like he was concerned about something.
Having noticed my teary eyes earlier in the room when he came to call me up for breakfast coupled with his never-ending 'are-you-okay questions, I knew he was unhappy to see me in the state i was in.
I was careful to not assume that my unhappiness had influenced his mood, so, I spoke up immediately and dropped a question on the table.
"Landon?" I beckoned fondly with the look on my face contorting in such a way that communicated my yearning to solve whatever the problem might be.
He grudgingly mumbled something inaudible without lifting his face away from his ceramic cereal bowl. With his spoon in his hand, he fiddled with the left-over cereal in his bowl.
"Landon, are you still bothered about what you saw in my room?" I asked with with furrowed brows which would have eased up if an answer of any sort came from his end but i was greeted with silence that communicated his uneasiness in loud tones.
"Landon---" I opened my mouth to utter something to him but was distracted by the opening of the door to the living room. From the door, a pair of legs walked straight to the dinning table arena where we were seated. It was Collins.
Lucas' teethy smiles were proof that he was happy to see him but Landon kept a straight.
"Hello here, I met something good", Collins said playfully but Landon wasn't having any of it as he immediately shot back with an outburst that left me wondering if it was just the scenario in my bedroom that was the trigger or something else which I know not.
"Why do you always like to come visiting when we are having our meals?"Landon said to Collins who stood transfixed at a spot with a contorted face that showed he was adding one plus one in his head to trace the root of the statement.
Trying not to show that he wasn't happy with the question, he kept a happy face and gave a soft reply. "It is because my steps are ordered, Landon", he said and immediately gave me a stare.
"Is anything the problem?" He interrogated with a bit of concern in his voice as he addressed me.
"We're good", I responded with an assuring nod but deep down in my heart I wondered why Landon kept mute and refused answering my questions. Could that be one of the latest puberty issues my ears are frequently tuned to hearing or what exactly?
I took one more spoon from my cold cereal and almost like a jolt, I caught a glimpse of the clock that hung at the side of the dining room wall adjacent to the kitchen and gasped hurriedly.
"Boys! Hurry, finish up! You are almost late to school!"
"School?" Collins questioned with a feigned ignorance as he immediately peeped at his watch.
"Hurry boy! I'll drop you at school today", Collins announced.
Collins has been playing at getting me to fall for him for the past few months now. We are both colleagues in the hospital which I work but I haven't seen beyond us being colleagues.
"That is kind of you, but I will take them to school today", I subtly protested.