Chapter 22 The Youngest Holland Brother
"If you ever change your mind and want to come back into the industry, I'm just a phone call away."
Leah's last words before we parted ways, kept reverberating in my head. An exasperated sigh escaped my lips, my arms pulled tighter across my chest as I started walking to the bus station.
It would've been easier to just take a cab home, but not in the state I was in.
My head was a mess, and I needed the walk to untangle the storm of thoughts spinning around inside it.
I was torn. I'd lost so much—my place in society, my career, my life as I knew it. And now, part of me wanted it all back. Desperately.
But how?
Derek was still there, lurking like a ghost from my past.
And then there was the contract with his agency that was still binding. I had to wait for it to expire before I could even think about joining another firm and restarting my modeling career.
But how long was I supposed to wait? Another twelve goddamn years, when I had wrinkles and saggy hips?
A loud blaring horn pulled me out of my thoughts. It was so sharp that I felt my heart skip.
"Watch where you're going, lady! You're not some fucking kid!" the driver shouted.
The red car drove past and disappeared into traffic.
Only then did I realize that I'd wandered into the middle of the road and nearly gotten myself killed.
Just then, my phone began to vibrate in my purse. I quickly fished it out.
I didn't check the screen. I almost didn't care who it was. But when I did glance down and saw his name...
<< Derek >>
My heart dropped.
I stopped walking. Crossing the road to the bus station was completely off my mind.
With all the events going on in my life, it totally slipped my mind that he was still on my contact list.
Why was he calling me?
I stood there, frozen, unsure whether to answer his call or not. The sound of traffic around me and everything else just... turned quiet.
I shouldn't answer. I shouldn't.
But I did.
"Hello?" My voice came out strained, almost like a slow whisper.
There was a pause on his side. Then his voice came. Still the same sharp tone that had a way of making my nerves twist in agitation. "You left with Ryker last night."
No greeting. No small talk. He just went straight into it.
I blinked. "Yeah. So?"
"You shouldn't be with him."
At first, it didn't register. I had to reconfirm. "Excuse me?"
"You're really throwing yourself around lately. And it had to be my brother, of all people?"
I took a few steps back as if on reverse, then turned to lean against a wall near a closed bookstore. "And why do you care?"
"Because you're not really into him, Vanessa. You can fool the media, but not me. I know you better than that."
I shook my head, letting out a laugh that sounded bitter and small. "You left me for my sister."
He didn't say anything.
"You're engaged to Annie," I added, my voice getting sharper. "...you're getting married in December."
"It's different."
"How is it different, Derek? How?"
"Because Annie and I are real. We love each other. Annie doesn't make me question myself every damn day like you did."
That one hit. Right in the chest. So, it was all my fault now?
I pressed the phone tighter to my ear. "You think Ryker and I are fake?"
"I know you're using him to make me jealous. You want me to call off the wedding, Vanessa. Admit it."
I was quiet for a second, because that part? That part wasn't a complete lie.
But I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction. Especially not when he was feeling like some sort of prize.
"You know, it baffles me how I didn't see this side of you before. How super irritating you can be," I said slowly, carefully, like I was holding back a scream. "You made your choice. So do me a favor and stop trying to control my life."
He sighed like I was being unreasonable. "Vanessa..."
"No. Don't say my name. You don't get to pretend like you care. You didn't give a damn about me then, and you sure as hell don't now. So, stop playing games with me, Derek"
"And you think all this is a game to me? Look, we only got a divorce, okay? I never stopped caring about you. I'm trying to look out for you, whether you believe it or not."
I laughed again, louder this time. "Since when do you look out for me? Because as far as I remember, I need to be protected from you instead."
He stayed quiet, but I knew that silence. It wasn't guilt, it was calculation.
"You still love me," He said quietly.
Why didn't I see this side of him before? This side that failed to take accountability for his actions? He was a freaking asshole.
"You wouldn't be doing all this if you didn't feel anything for me. You wouldn't go to these lengths especially not with someone like Ryker."
"And you wouldn't be calling me," I snapped, "if you didn't feel something too."
I expected to hear the part where he got to say he hated me and never loved me.
He didn't deny it.
God, why didn't he deny it?
"Then why Annie?" I whispered, almost to myself. "Why are you marrying her?"
"Because it's what makes sense now. It's what's happening."
I stared at the ground, the cracks in the sidewalk blurring slightly. "You're unbelievable."
"I just don't want you throwing your life away with Ryker. He isn't worth it, trust me. He's dangerous."
"You don't get to say who I throw my life away with." I shouted, stepping away from the wall. "You chose someone else over me and over our marriage. You broke everything we had. You don't get to come back now and act like you still have a say."
"But you don't love him, Vanessa."
"I don't know if I do!" I yelled. "But I know I can't love you anymore. I'm trying so damn hard not to!"
The silence after that was long. Nobody said a word while I began to register everything I'd said. Was that it? Was that me finally walking away?
"You don't have to do this, Van."
"I already am."
"But I still want..."
I didn't allow his words to drop before I disconnected the call.
I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
And for the first time in a long time, I felt real anger and hurt. This wasn't the usual hate. This one was deeper and darker. A whole new level of hatred.
I didn't get the chance to gather myself, process my emotions, and shove what's left of my anger somewhere else, before the phone rang again.
My frown deepened, thinking it was Derek again. I swear, if it was him again, I'd rip what's left of his life.
With a deadpan tone, I answered the call. "What?"
"Hey, lamb. You okay?" Ryker's voice flooded into my ears instead.
Hearing from him now—after disappearing and leaving me to worry all day—only to pop back up with a half-assed "Hey"...The audacity alone made my blood boil, igniting the anger from earlier.
"What do you want now? You left me alone in that huge house last night. What if something happened to me? What if I died?"
"But you didn't."
"You don't know that."
He chuckled. "So what, I'm talking to a ghost now? A dead little lamb?"
"Just shut up." I rolled my eyes, irritated that he still had the nerve to make me want to smile when I was trying to stay mad.
Ryker laughed softly. "Where are you at? I'm coming to get you."
"Why?"
"To kidnap you for a late breakfast and ruin the rest of your day in the best way possible." He said like it was a secret, but the smirk in his voice gave him away.
"Right. You're crazy too." I hung up before I let him hear me laugh and lost the upper hand.
Seriously, what kind of genes did these Holland men inherit?
They were chaotic men.
The younger one was a manipulative asshole who thought he was the main character in everyone's story.
And the older one — the one I happen to live with — was an infuriating mess who honestly needed to be studied.
And me?
I was stuck with one of them.
Or maybe... both.