92
With each step I take, I breathe harder, my heart racing, and I feel like I can hear it pounding in my chest.
My mind refuses to accept it, my vision blurred by tears streaming down my face, but even that doesn't stop me. I feel like I'm running for my life. I can't bear having an anxiety attack in the middle of the street.
The only thing on my mind is getting home, to my safe place.
I don't know if I hung up the call or if Chloé is still on the line, but it doesn't matter to me right now. All I'm focused on is running as fast as I can.
The journey back feels endless, but when I finally see the entrance to my house, I pick up the pace despite my sore feet, and when I get there, I open the door with such force it makes a loud noise against the wall.
"Sweetie?" I hear my mother's voice, and I collapse immediately to the floor. "Juliette!"
I hear her exclaim in panic, and before I know it, I feel her body wrap around mine, but I don't respond, I haven't finished processing what I heard.
"Juliette, react!"
"He knows," is all that comes out of my lips. "He knows."
"Juliette, what's happening, what are you talking about?" my mother asks, wiping my tears so I can see more clearly.
All I do, however, is hand her the phone with my trembling hand.
"Hello?"
"It's Chloé, what happened? Put Juliette on the phone, I hear she's upset," now that my mother has put her on speaker.
"She can't talk," my mother retorts. "Tell me what's going on and why she arrived here on the verge of a crisis."
"Damn it," she exclaims. "If you're listening, forgive me, my doll, if I had known..."
"You have nothing to blame yourself for, just speak, Chloé," my mother demands.
"What's happening is that Julie's ex-boyfriend knows she left town," she informs her, and at that moment, I can't even describe the expression that settled on Diane's face. "And moreover, it's very likely he's heading to Madrid or... he might already be on his way."
"What?" I cry out at her unexpected confession.
"Girl, calm down, please," commands my mother.
"I can't calm down knowing he already knows I'm gone!" I speak with frustration. "There's nothing to reassure me right now! Gérard shouldn't have found out, I told the building staff not to tell him I left!”
"You know how he is, sooner or later, he was going to find out," says my friend, and she doesn't know how much I hate that she's right.
"Chloé, you didn't tell him where I am, did you?" I plead with a desperate tone in my voice.
"No, but I think it's too obvious for him," she replies.
"Please, tell me that's not true," I beg, because it's not fair for me to have to see him again, it's not fair for him to do this to me.
"That's the case, my doll, and even though I forbade him from looking for you, I'm not someone who can make him change his mind. He went crazy when I refused to tell him anything about you," she retorts. "And you know very well that there's only one person who can make him change his mind, and that's you."
"No, my daughter is not going to talk to that guy again," my mother intervenes.
"That's the only way for her to stop him from pursuing her," she replies. "I think the only way for him to back off is if she talks to Gérard one last time."
"Absolutely not," I say, annoyed. "I'm not going to talk to the man who put me through hell for four months and ruined my life. It's not happening."
"Juliette."
"And you know what? On second thought, if he wants to come, let him come, but he won't find me here because I'm leaving," I declare with determination.
"What did you say!" exclaims Diane, looking at me as if she can't believe what she just heard.
"I said I'm leaving, Mom."
"You don't need to leave your home, and I'm not going to let that scumbag come and ruin the little peace you've found here."
"That's exactly it, he won't leave me alone if he knows where I am. I know him, I know him perfectly well.”
"My dear, calm down, everything will be fine," I hear my friend say through the phone.
"Chloé, we'll call you back later, okay?" Diane says.
"Okay, keep me updated, please."
"We will," she says goodbye and hangs up.
"Sweetheart, listen to me very carefully," she says, focusing on me. "Everything will be okay, I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, especially not let that guy anywhere near you, understand?"
"I'm fed up, Mom, I don't know what he wants from me," I say, burying my face in my hands.
"Whatever he wants doesn't matter, because he won't get it. Now, I really need you to calm down and breathe," she requests and I nod, anxious. "We'll sort this out, my love."
She tries to comfort me with a soothing hug.
"Okay."
"Come, let's go to the kitchen, you need to eat and take your medication," she asks me a while later, and I walk alongside her, wiping tears from my cheeks.
Several hours after eating and after my mother helped me calm down a bit, I went straight to my room. I needed to be alone and process all of this.
This isn't me and I've lost myself. That's what all this situation has caused me: illness, anxiety attacks, panic about what might happen... and now the terror of knowing that he could arrive at any moment.
I'm not okay, and I feel like I could lose my mind at any moment. The psychological damage I've suffered seems irreparable.
Curled up in my bed, my head spins. I feel anxious, desperate, and all I want is to escape. To run away from everything again.
It seems like that's all my life has been these past few months. Sleep won't even come, and I can't find peace. I try to relax as much as possible, and I even tell myself that maybe I'm overreacting to this whole situation.
Maybe, even if Gérard knows where I am, he won't come.
I try to be positive, but I still don't understand. I don't understand why he refuses to let me go even after what he did to me. There's nothing he has to say to me, there's nothing to fix.