Chapter 9

One month later…

Is it a dream? Where is that guy from the hospital? Danny asked herself that question a couple of times a day. That day at the hospital, she couldn’t help but fall asleep smiling and wake up happy. For someone whose mind was blank, faced with so many realities at the same time, she was happy. Danny had thought the only reason she was handling the don’t know who I am so well was because Kit had been by her side. Well, that had lasted all of five minutes.

Danny had been released from the hospital two days later. Without so much of a word of protest, Kit had agreed to her going to live with her parents. He came to see her only during lunch time. That made her miserable and questioning the marriage all over again. Danny assumed she had been a strong woman before the train accident and her memory loss. She handled the separation well. Kit was there during the doctor visits, for both her head and the baby. He had played the supportive-husband role well at that time.

There had been one other instance that made Danny believe, just for a moment, that Kit cared for her. The constant wave of visitors coming to see her and trying to jog her non-existent memory had been driving her crazy. Danny had locked herself in the room the whole day and night, only to come out the next morning because Kit insistently knocked on her door and threatened to kick it down. She had learned something else about him: there wasn’t a single gentle bone in his body.

Kit had then ordered her to pack up her things. Danny had been obviously excited. She was finally going to live with her family and try to be normal. Her brothers weren’t for the idea, but with the support of her family, she left home. And here she was, living in a cottage in the Hamptons, wondering every single day if there was a relationship between her and Kit. Did they like each other enough to make a baby, or had it all been just one big mistake?

Danny tiptoed around the two-bedroom home. It was suffocating her. However, she was relieved because of one thing. The day they’d arrived, Kit had stated clearly that they would be having separate rooms. A month ago, that had bothered Danny, but seeing his attitude day after day, she was relieved. Danny spent most of her time walking on the beach and in her room. For someone who’d—apparently—always wanted Kit by her side she was glad when a whole day passed and she didn’t see his sulking face.

Danny walked into the kitchen in the wee hours of the morning. She couldn’t sleep. Her body felt worn down, her mind exhausted from thinking. She thought about getting a glass of milk to help her sleep. Thankfully, her appetite had returned, and her stomach didn’t churn from most smells. She lay her hand on her belly and reminded herself that she didn’t need Kit’s company. She had her sidekick with her every single place she went.

“Let’s see if we can make some cocoa without waking up Mr. Sunshine,” she said to her baby. “He is already grouchy. I can’t even imagine the level of bitchiness he will be at if we wake him.”

“Language.”

Danny screamed as she turned toward the deep baritone in the dark.

“Relax,” Kit said as he walked into the dim kitchen light. “Don’t have a heart attack. It’s just me.”

“Exactly,” Danny murmured under her breath as she grasped her chest. She turned back to the refrigerator, not wanting to look at his lightly bearded face, and she didn’t want to see how the seams of his T-shirt screamed from being over stretched by his well-built body. It was hard being indifferent toward the man when all she wanted to do was spend her nights under his magnificent body. But Danny was determined to treat him with the same regard he treated her. She was determined not to be the weak one in their weird relationship.

“What?”

“Nothing. What are you doing in the dark?” Danny filled a cup with milk and put it in the microwave. She stared down the timer as the cup spun.

“I was just thinking.”

“Thirty more seconds and you can go back to that. I didn’t know you were out here, otherwise—”

“Otherwise what? You wouldn’t have come out? You are doing a pretty good job at ignoring me.”

“I’m taking my cues from you.” The microwave beeped and Danny almost let out a squeal of joy. She needed to get out of this room and conversation as soon as possible. “I’m done.”

“A cup of milk…does that really work? I haven’t been sleeping well.” The tone in his voice was what kept Danny from walking away from him.

Danny knew all too well about his sleepless nights. The first time she’d heard him cry in his sleep, she’d rushed to him and instantly regretted it. Kit walked her out of the room, shouting and demanding she never go into his room again. Danny never had, after that. So, as he shouted in his sleep, she pulled the covers tighter around her body and cried with him. One of the reasons she was mentally exhausted was because of him. Danny didn’t know what the nightmares were about. She assumed they were from his time in the service, because they seemed centered around a man named Christopher.

“Here.” Danny handed him her cup of milk. “I’ll make myself another one.” The silence between them pulled for another two minutes. Danny had her own cup of milk in hand, just about to walk away, when she asked, “Have you thought about seeing someone about your nightmares?”

“No,” Kit said firmly.

“I just think—”

“Don’t think, because you have no idea what you are talking about.”

Danny couldn’t help but smile bitterly to herself. “I don’t know much of anything, lately. But tell me this: did we ever like each other? I don’t mean physically, because I’m obviously pregnant. But as people.”

***

Did we ever like each other?

The question caught him off guard. He’d never thought that Danny would ever ask him that. When Kit had been injured, all he’d thought about was Danny and getting home to her. When he’d come back and found out she was about to marry Chris, he’d gone insane. When she’d had the accident and was in a coma, he’d pleaded with God not to take her. Him loving Danny was never about just the good times they’d had in Hawaii; it was because she had gotten him through his tough times. Now, he felt like he’d betrayed that love by making her question it. Unfortunately, the guilt of wronging a dead man outweighed any feelings he had for a woman who was alive and breathing.

Kit watched her back until she disappeared from his sight. He waited to hear the door lock and the latch click before approaching her bedroom. And as he did every night, he’d woken up from his nightmares in the past two months, he sat on the floor, his head resting against the cool wood. If he couldn’t have her in his arms, he was going to get as close as he could. This as his punishment: to have her and yet not have her at all.

In everything Kit did, he saw an end. Even when he’d first gotten together with Danny, he’d known the end would come when he told her that he had no interest in being a husband and father. At that moment, there were two things he didn’t see an end to: his relationship with Danny and his self-punishment over the death of his brother. Kit was well acquainted with death and its unexpected timings. In no way did he think the train wreck was his fault. He thought about Danny not getting on the train and Chris not following her. But Kit didn’t have any control over people’s actions, nor did he have control over fate. He resented the fact that his brother had died knowing that Kit had betrayed him.

That was also weird and screwed-up in his head. He, in fact, should be saying that Chris had betrayed him. However, it was in his twin brother’s nature to claim things that belonged to Kit. And it was in Kit’s nature to let him have them. But the one time he’d refused to let Chris have his way, his brother had died before they could make up. So, he felt guilty, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t reconcile the absurdity of his guilt with what he felt.

Kit sat at Danny’s bedroom door, wondering how long it would take for her to get tired of how he was behaving, and when he would be able to tell her that he loved her without feeling so guilty about it.

Kit woke up after the sense of being watched became too much for him to ignore. Usually, he woke up before Danny and made his way back to his room or left for the beach for a few hours. This time, he was covered with a tiny blanket and with a pillow between him and the wall. Danny sat on a stool, drinking her tea, just watching him. She didn’t look away when his eyes opened. Instead, she smiled brightly at him, something she hadn’t done for the two months they’d been together.

Kit let himself get lost in her smile, but only for a moment. When she got off the stool and crouched at his side, he got to his feet and walked away. Certain that her dropped smile would break his heart, Kit didn’t look back.

“I’m going into New York today,” she said after him.

“Why?”

“I have to see the OB/GYN. You might have forgotten, or decided not to acknowledge it, but I’m pregnant,” she said harshly.

Kit winced when she banged her bedroom door shut. In his head, he could see exactly what she was doing in her room. She’d probably dropped on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She would then sit up, exchange a few words with herself in the mirror. Go to the bathroom, turn on the shower, then cry. The thing she didn’t understand was that he didn’t need to hear her cry to know she was sad. It was written all over her face. Kit was making her miserable and making himself even more depressed. This time, when they went to New York, Kit was determined to come back alone.

***

Danny was surprised when she found Kit in the living room, waiting for her. She hadn’t really thought they’d be going together, that was, until he left the house after her, walked past her, and opened the car door for her. Danny stared at him and the car for a long time. For other people, the gesture would have been romanticized as a husband taking care of his wife. However, Danny felt like she knew Kit well enough to write it off as rubbish. There was no romance behind it. Maybe a sense of duty, or a guilty conscience because of what she’d said to him earlier. Her over-active mind went left, though, along the lines of being buried in a ditch somewhere.

She got into the car. The drive to New York was as silent as ever. Nothing unusual, since between them, only silence and indifference existed. They got to the hospital without any major events happening. Danny sneaked a glance at him and hoped that he would opt to stay in the car. The last thing she wanted was to carry the awkwardness into the hospital where his sister and AJ worked. A blind man in California could see the coldness that existed between them. She didn’t want to get their families involved. Danny didn’t want to tell anyone about her unhappy marriage until she figured out what she wanted to do about it.

Danny got out of the car in silence. She waited a beat, not quite sure what she was waiting for. Kit drove off without a word. Danny laughed at herself. Had she really been expecting something different? There were so many “if onlys” running through her mind. If only she hadn’t lost her memory, if only she hadn’t married such a cold man in the first place. She decided to hold on to the latter thought and somehow fix it.

When she walked into the hospital, Kat and AJ were waiting for her at the nurses’ station. She saw them before they spotted her. They held hands, AJ watching her lovingly as Kat spoke to the nurse. He stroked her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear a couple times too many. It was a sweet, beautiful picture of what love should be. Danny wanted to cry. She wanted to fall to the ground and beg the hospital to take her back. She felt more warmth from doctors and nurses she hadn’t met before than from her husband.

“Are you okay?”

Danny jumped, startled by the sound of Kit’s voice at her side. She gave him a suspicious side glance. The first question she wanted to ask was where he’d come from, and the second, why he was there. “I’m fine, why?”

“Then why are you crying?”

“What?” Danny touched her cheeks to find them wet. Why was she crying? She really wanted to answer that question in detail and pose a few follow-up questions of her own. Instead, she said, “They look so happy.”

“Dry your eyes. AJ spotted us,” Kit said hurriedly.

Danny scoffed. She would also be in panic if she had to face his family as the reason why he was miserable. Danny quickly wiped her face and put her best smile forward. When AJ and Kat approached them, they were still holding hands and wearing smiles, genuine ones.

“Hey!” Kat hugged her first. “How’s it been?”

“Rough,” Danny answered without thinking. She didn’t dare look at the reaction Kit had on his face. She quickly covered it up. “Being pregnant is not easy.”

“No, it’s not.” Kat chuckled. “How’s my baby bro treating you?”

Like a stranger. Like I kicked his puppy or peed in his cereal. “It’s going…it’s going just great.”

“That’s good. I’m your first stop for the day,” Kat said.

“I’ll meet up with you when you are done with Kat.” AJ watched her closely, like he was expecting something to jump out of her face and shout boo.

“What for?” Kit asked.

“Memory test, nothing to worry about.” It didn’t sound convincing to Danny’s ears. But she didn’t question it, especially not in front of Kit. AJ had known her the longest, so he probably saw something that she was trying so hard to hide.

Danny tried to avoid Kat’s gaze and dodge any questions pertaining to her unhappily-ever-after. The lying and pretending took a lot out of her, so she fell silent and let Kit do the storytelling. Danny lay back, shivering when the cold gel touched her skin. Her heart beat nervously as she saw her baby for the first time; then her heart dropped when she looked over at Kit. He didn’t have an excited, father’s first look in his eyes. He just stared at the monitor, then past it.

For the longest time, her baby had been a companion during her loneliness. But now, it broke her heart to even think about it. The baby was a shackle that bound her and Kit together. It was obvious to Danny that Kit was reluctant to be with her. And judging by the bruises he’d had on his face when he’d walked into her hospital room, her brothers had used a different mode of persuasion. If she wasn’t pregnant, she probably would have been at home with her parents. She wondered what her life had been like before the mental blackout and wished she could go back to it.

Danny was nervous when AJ came to get her from Kat’s office, especially when AJ asked Kit to stay behind. Danny was getting suspicious and prepped herself for a cross-examination. They walked toward the neurosurgery wing, but instead of an examination room, they went into a tiny, closet-sized room that had a double-decker bed.

“What exactly is going on here?”

“One minute.” AJ took out his phone and texted. The door opened and her brothers walked in.

Danny’s first instinct was to run. She tried, but the three of them had the door blocked. “Is this some kind of intervention?”

“Why would you say that?” Reno asked.

“Do you remember something?” DJ followed.

“Why, did I ever have an intervention? What for?” That question silenced all three of them. The way they tried to avoid her gaze told her it must have been for something nasty. Or maybe it was to stop her from marrying Kit.

“What’s going on, sweetheart?” Reno asked.

Sitting on the bed with her brothers beside her, Danny couldn’t hold it in anymore. “I think I want a divorce.”

***

I saw Danny pick up an abortion pamphlet.

The words echoed in Kit’s head as he drove Danny to her parents’ home. The moment those words had left Kat’s lips, fear had gripped his heart and hadn’t let go since. Why would she want that? He sneaked a couple of glances at her. Her face was devoid of any expression. She stared straight ahead as if she were thinking something over. Kit’s fingers tightened around the steering wheel. What exactly should he say? There was no way of bringing it up and not having it blow up into a fight. Kit had planned to leave Danny at her parents’, but he couldn’t do that. He was afraid that in the middle of the night she would do something that they would both regret.

“Could you drop me off at my parents’ house?” Danny asked.

Kit didn’t respond. There was no way of pretending that he hadn’t heard her. It was just the two of them in his double-cab truck. So, he nodded, acknowledging her request with no intention of fulfilling it.

“Kit?”

He heard the question in her voice when he took the opposite turn.

“Kit!”

“I heard you the first time. No need to shout,” he said, agitated.

“Then why are you ignoring me?”

Kit turned the radio up and tapped on the steering wheel. Ignoring her was the only strategy he had now. Danny turned the radio off and he turned it back on.

“Stop acting like a child, Danny!”

“I’m what? Let me out of this car!”

Kit was so immersed in their fight that he nearly missed seeing that the car in front of them had stopped. Pushing down on the brakes, he held his arm out to protect Danny. The thud was followed by a loud bang as his truck was stopped by the rear bumper of the car in front of them. Kit heard Danny scream just as the air bags popped out of their cradles.

“Danny! Danny are you okay?”

Danny pushed his hand away, undid her seatbelt, and got out of the car. Kit jumped out of the car when Danny stumbled into traffic. Kit grabbed her and locked her in his arms as she struggled against him.

“It’s okay, Danny! It’s okay.” Kit tried everything he could, whispering in her ear, rocking her, and holding her. Nothing seemed to make her calm down. A crowd gathered around them, watching, and soon, a police car stopped.

“Chris!” Danny screamed.

The moment that name left her lips, laced with desperation and fear, Kit’s blood chilled and his arms fell limp to his sides. Is her memory back? His momentary loss of sense cost him. Kit found himself restrained and Danny in the arms of a policeman. The officer was determined to question her, and all Danny wanted was to flee.

“Stop, she’s pregnant! She’s my wife, she’s pregnant.” Kit watched helplessly as a hysterical Danny turned into a rag doll, collapsing in the officer’s arms. Kit fought to his feet and ran to her side. He picked her up and put her in the officer’s car. “Lennox Hill Hospital,” he yelled before taking out his phone and calling Kat.

Once they arrived at the hospital, Kit jumped out of the car with Danny in his arms and the officers behind him. They met AJ and Kat at the entrance. Kit lay her down on the gurney and as he was about to follow AJ into the ER, the police stopped him.

“Sir! Sir, you have to answer a few questions.”

Agitated, Kit paced the one meter of space they had allowed him. Looking over their heads, he watched from afar as AJ worked on Danny.

“Who are you to the victim, sir?”

“Victim?” Kit mumbled. In a way, she was a victim. This Danny, the one with no memory, was an innocent bystander to the anger and guilt that Kit had raging inside him. But then again, she had said Chris’ name. Maybe her memory was back.

“She’s his wife. I’m his sister, Doctor Katherine Henry-Ross. Can we do this later? We need the husband to answer a few questions,” Kat said as she dragged him behind her.

“What happened?” Like a raging bull, AJ came at Kit.

“Hey!” Kat yelled as she stepped in between them. “Stop it.”

“I want to see her,” Kit said as he tried to walk past AJ.

“No! I cannot entrust this woman’s life to you.”

“What?” Kit asked, dazed. “This woman is my wife.”

“She is like my sister, and I am her doctor, so what I say goes.”

Kit paced back and forth, his fingers combing through his hair. Frustrated, he scrubbed his face with his palms and let out a groan. “Just let me—”

“No!”

“Is she okay? What about the baby? Please, tell me something. If you won’t let me near her, let me know how she is,” Kit begged.

“She is fine and there is a heartbeat. Kat, go examine her,” AJ instructed.

“I’m fine,” Kit said when it was obvious, she was hesitant about leaving the two of them together without a referee.

“You better prepare yourself,” AJ said to him before walking away.

Kit didn’t know what that statement meant, and he wasn’t about to decipher it at that moment. He stood aside as they rolled Danny out of the ER and into the elevator. Kit waited to see on which floor it would stop, on and ran up the stairs. He got there just in time to as they rolled her into a room.

Kit didn’t know how much time had passed. He was still standing in the hallway, staring at Danny’s hospital room door, and unable to walk in. AJ had gone as far as getting security guards to keep him out.

“My brother is not violent!”

“I don’t care. He is not going in to see her.”

Kit watched as Kat and AJ fought, a few feet from him. He turned to the sound of rushed footsteps and saw his parents rushing toward him. Kit wanted to curse out loud at that moment. That was all he needed, his panicked parents making the situation worse. He didn’t understand why Kat had to call them.

“Are you okay?” his mother asked as her hands checked him for injuries.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you are not! Your hand is bleeding. Katherine!” her mother yelled.

“Keep your voice down,” Kit said through clenched teeth.

“What, Mother? And don’t yell, this is a hospital,” Kat said.

“Didn’t you see your brother’s hand? What kind of doctor are you?”

Kat took his hand and he pulled it out of her grasp. When AJ grabbed it, he had no choice but to concede.

“I’ll have a nurse take a look at it,” AJ said.

“A nurse!” his mother scoffed. “My daughter and son-in-law are doctors, but you want to pass my son off to a nurse?”

“You might want to put a hold on that. He’s still got more bleeding to do.” Kit turned to the sound of DJ’s voice. Reno stood next to him. Both men had their sleeves rolled to their elbows. Lisette, Catalella, and her husband Ethan stood behind them.

Catalella squeezed past them and walked into Danny’s room. Kit tried to follow but Reno pulled him back.

“Lisette, a little help,” Kat said.

“Pummel him to the ground,” Lisette said as she followed her sister.

“Don’t you want to know how your sister is doing?” That seemed to silence everyone. “Okay, she’s fine, physically. As for the pregnancy, I caught something I missed before.”

“What? Is something wrong?” Kit asked, panicked.

“No, nothing’s wrong. She’s expecting twins. This is good news. We need to focus on the good.”

Kit was in a daze. He didn’t know how to react to the news. He was glad that they were all okay. Now all he had to do is find a way into the room so that he could see her.

“Focus on the good!” Reno yelled. “All I know is my sister asked her brothers how she could get a divorce and an hour later she’s in the hospital.”

“What?” Kit stumbled back. It was like a kick that landed squarely on his chest. This time when he forced his way in, he succeeded.

Danny was awake, sitting up and talking to Catalella and Lisette. Kit froze when he saw her. She had a cut on the top of her head. Her shoulder-length hair was a mess, and her face was puffy, her eyes red from crying. Seeing her like that, he was at a loss for words. What exactly could he say? She was miserable with him, and he was just despondent. He wasn’t what Danny, or the babies, needed.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay what?” Danny asked.

“The divorce. I’m going back to being a SEAL It’s the only thing I’m good at, apparently. I was kidding myself when I thought this would work. I’m sorry for everything. If I hadn’t come back in the first place—”

“Kit, don’t say that,” Kat said as she held on to his arm.

“Aren’t you tired of ruining my sons?” his mother screamed. “You killed one and now you are driving this one back to his death!”

“Mom, stop!” Kit was surprised at how his voice filled the room. He hadn’t meant to yell, not at his mother. But he was tired, exhausted. He wished he could fall asleep for the next hundred years and wake up to a different reality.

“Christopher is dead. All because she wanted the both of you. I knew I shouldn’t have let an alcoholic drug addict into my family.”

“Mom!”

“We are annulling this marriage. We can’t even be sure whose baby she’s carrying.”

“Mom!”

“Is it yours, Chris’, or someone else’s?”

“Mom! They are mine, the babies are mine,” Kit said.

Danny’s face was a mask of confusion. It was obvious she was trying to digest everything that his mother was saying, and yet holding back. The one thing that he never wanted her to doubt was the children’s paternity. Whether they were his or Chris’? It didn’t matter. They were still his.

“Kat, get mom out of here.”

“Wait, what?”

***

“Wait, what?” Danny whispered.

What was going on? What was she saying?

“Christopher is your brother, not a guy from the army?” Danny choked out. “I was having an affair with your brother. Is that why you hate me?” Danny stared at Kit as he shook his head but said nothing. In fact, the whole room was covered by a blanket of eerie silence. “Is that why you guys got so nervous when I made the intervention joke? I’m a junkie?” She directed the question to her brothers.

“You should relax and figure this out later. Guys, leave the room please,” AJ instructed.

“No, I need to know who I am. You can’t give me all this information and decide, ‘nope, she’s had enough for today’.” She fisted her hand on her blanket when it began to tremble. “If you want to leave, then fine. But Kit stays, and Catalella—my husband and my best friend—the truth will be enough from the both of you.”

Danny watched as Kat dragged her parents out of the room. She looked at the grave faces left behind. It was obvious they hadn’t wanted to say anything. Was she that bad a person? Was this the situation where they were extremely excited once she’d lost her memory and became a different person? Although she called Catalella her best friend, it was obvious there was some awkwardness there. Had she tried to hit on her husband, or something? Ethan was a beautiful man; it wouldn’t surprise her if she had. Suddenly, she didn’t want to hear anything about her past self.

“I’m leaving,” Kit announced.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because I don’t know anything about the Danny they know. I only know my Danny, the one I first saw crying at the airport because her brother left. And the one I lost because I chose my career over her.”

So, leaving me isn’t a new thing. Danny didn’t understand why they’d gotten married in the first place. Her heat fluttered wildly whenever he was around, and desperation claimed her whenever he wasn’t there. But in the past month, the only embrace she’d known was that on loneliness. Maybe it was a good idea for him to leave. Although she wanted to know Kit’s Danny, she knew it was better for that revelation to be left for another day.

“You should go. It’s obvious you don’t want to be here.”

“You don’t know anything,” Kit muttered. “DJ, Catalella, I’ll let you deal with everything regarding the divorce and custody. As long as she lets my parents see the babies, I am fine with whatever you come up with.”

“You are a coward,” Danny said, with anger and hate she never thought resided within her.

“Yes, I am.” Kit left after that.

Danny gasped as her heart shattered against his cold demeanour, leaving her with a crippling pain in her chest. Immediately, she kicked away the blankets. She was going after him. Call it insanity, call it love or whatever, she just knew she couldn’t live without him. DJ stopped her, settling her back in her bed. He looked at her. A distraught smile pulled his lips as his eyes glistened with tears.

DJ shook his head and said, “That is why you can’t get a divorce. You need to fix it, somehow, because the old Danny couldn’t live without him. Apparently, the new Danny can’t, either.”

“It’s unhealthy,” Reno said.

“I know what she went through. That desperate need to not exist anymore because your heart stopped beating but that determination to stay alive because you think you are going to see them again. Then wanting your love so much that it could destroy you if you don’t get it. That frenzy doesn’t end unless your heart is at peace and the only way that happens is if you are with the one you love.”

Danny stared at her brother, seeing him in a new light for the first time since she’d been re-introduced to him. Always, he had this flair about him, this aura of strength and boldness. She never thought she would see him look weak. She had heard about the story with his wife. Evie had told her about it when they’d first met. However, Danny didn’t understand how her story was similar to his.

“Will you guys just tell me? Maybe I’ll stop feeling so lost once I know who I was in the past. Somehow, Kit and I can fix this if I also have the information. It’s frustrating not knowing where it went wrong.”