Chapter 49 HADN'T LOOKED
RACHEL
TEN MINUTES EARLIER
I’ve never been more scared in my life. Looking at Mum that way, without having any idea what was going through her mind, felt more terrifying than those other times when I knew I’d done something wrong and she’d be mad about it.
Even though it was just five minutes ago, my body still felt like it was vibrating from the shock.
To be honest, my mum would never even think about something that messed up, and Thane still managed to sound natural while talking to her. Thanks to him, I’d probably end up stammering every time I tried to talk now.
I walked out of the bathroom and collapsed onto the bed, wondering how on earth I was supposed to talk Jay into convincing his dad about the whole writing thing.
Sure, I’m very much into it, but I don’t really have a solid reason why I didn't want to. Just… a feeling I can’t fully explain.
If I’m being honest, I don’t like Mayor Han. He looks like the kind of person who’d lead you to success, but make you bow and lick his feet for it. And everything about him screams that he wants me with J, for a reason I can’t quite figure out.
But… Right now, I couldn’t stop smiling. I kept thinking about my reflection in the mirror earlier, grinning like a girl whose long time crush bought roses. You know that tingling feeling you get when someone says something stupid, and you just can’t stop laughing for no reason? It’s not even about what they said, it's the way they make you feel, that soft, fluttering rush you feel in your chest because of them. The kind that makes you forget yourself.
Yeah… mine felt worse than that.
I slowly sat up on the bed, more like dragged myself to the edge, and stared at my wardrobe, wishing I could rewind time back to when it was just Thane and me. But I still had to go see Jay downstairs.
I’d just reached my wardrobe when my phone started ringing from the bed. I clicked my tongue and dragged myself back to it.
I stared at the screen. Unknown number.
I hesitated for a second before answering. “Hello?” I said quietly.
“Hi, Rachel. This is Nancy.”
My brows furrowed. “Nancy? I’m sorry, I don’t think I know—maybe you have the wrong person?”
“Oh! No, no, I don’t,” she said quickly. “It’s actually my fault for reaching out this way. I got your number from the visitor’s log. You came with Thane for his therapy session, remember?”
I paused, trying to recall, then I did, “Oh… right. I remember,” I said, rubbing my forehead as I walked back to my wardrobe. “So… I’m guessing you called for a reason?”
She sighed softly before responding. “Yeah. I’ve been trying to reach him, but he’s not picking up. I know it might seem like I should call Simon instead, but Thane wouldn’t like that, and it might affect the progress we’ve been making. I hope you understand what I mean?”
I exhaled, pulling out a chiffon dress from the rack. “Yeah, I get it. That’s fine. So… what do you need me to do?”
To be honest, I did understand, but at the same time, I didn’t. She sounded too worried… more than just a therapist should be. I wished Thane knew how many people actually cared about him like this. Even his therapist.
Her voice brightened a little. “I’d really appreciate it if you could pass a message to him. It’s important that he comes in this week.”
“Uhm… I don’t think he can. He’s flying out tonight. But don’t worry, I’ll tell him.”
“You’re better than I expected, Rachel.” She said sweetly, but something about the way she said that made my chest tighten. Like there was more behind it even though she didn't actually make it look like it.
“Anyway, you’re always welcome to stop by my place whenever you feel like it. No pressure… just whenever you want, okay?”
I bit my lip, thinking about how to respond. It didn’t feel right going to Thane’s therapist without asking him first. If anything, I should check if he’d even be okay with it which I doubt considering he had never mentioned it to me.
“Alright… I’ll keep that in mind,” I said before ending the call.
It was my first time talking to her, but it already felt like she’d known me for years, which, somehow, felt a little off. Still… I couldn’t completely ignore the fact that she genuinely sounded like a good person.
Maybe I was going too fast, getting this close to Thane’s personal life. But I’d been worried ever since Mum mentioned it. She did say Thane has episodes, but… What if it’s something more?
Thinking about it made something sink deep inside me… something I was too scared to admit. What if I’m already too deep to walk away?
That day with Raymond flashed through my mind, and I felt myself shrink a little at the memory. Strangely, it wasn’t just fear I felt. It was something else. Like something in him was calling out for help… even if he’d never admit it.
Still… I was scared that pushing too much might ruin whatever we were starting to build.
I adjusted my dress and looked at myself in the mirror one more time… Then I heard a noise.
~ ~ ~
I froze for a second, trying to listen again, but I didn’t hear anything. Not until I walked to the door, opened it, and stepped out.
“Sarah!” Jay’s voice echoed downstairs.
I swallowed slowly, forcing myself to stay calm because I knew my brain had a habit of jumping to the worst conclusions. Still, I didn’t miss the urgency in his voice, and the sound that came next only confirmed the horrible scenario already forming in my head.
Before I could even argue with myself, my hand gripped the wooden stair rail and I ran down, my heart pounding like I could already feel something bad… something worse had happened to my mum.
I reached the last step… and froze. My eyes moved from Thane, standing motionless by the chair, to my mum in Jay’s trembling arms.
He was already lifting her from the floor, carrying her like a man would carry his bride. “Fucking get the car keys, Thane!” he yelled.
Mum’s hand slipped from her chest as he adjusted her in his arms. It dangled lifelessly with every movement, and that was when something heavy crashed into my chest.
I couldn’t breathe. “Mum?” My voice finally broke through the shock as I staggered after them.
Thane opened the back door of the car, and Jay laid Mum flat inside. The way he moved carefully only made everything worse. Like he was confirming the fear in my head. He gently placed her hand by her side. Like a body.
“What the hell happened?” I grabbed Thane’s arm, stopping him before he could get into the driver’s seat. “Why does it look like she hit her head?”
For some frustrating reason, Thane didn’t say a word. He wouldn’t even look at me.
“I’ll explain everything, Rachel,” Jay said quickly, pulling me away from Thane, who immediately slipped into the driver’s seat. “Please… let’s just get her out of here first.”
I nodded, even though I could barely hold myself together. I had to stay calm. I had to. Jay opened the front passenger door for me and shut it once I got in before rushing back to his own car.
Thane started the engine, shifted gears, and sped off down the road.
And still… he hadn’t looked at me.