Chapter 105 Crawling Back to The Dark Hole

Chapter 105 Crawling Back to The Dark Hole
Jasmine’s POV

It’s been exactly three days since the news, and I haven’t summoned the strength to look into whether it’s real or not.

I don’t want to raise my hopes high.

Nothing good ever comes from that, so I have to just assume, and this assumption is also killing me.

As usual, and as the princess in fucking distress, I’ve been down since, and Xavier made sure to never leave my side.

He’s been missing both classes and practice, and I’ve tried convincing him otherwise, but he wouldn’t yield.

Currently, I’m having nightmares upon nightmares, and now? It’s worse. I’m even hallucinating.

I might need to be taken to the rehabilitation center I was admitted to when I was newly rescued, cause I don’t think I can heal from this alone.

Yes, she hurt me, but this is too much.

What happened to those stupid dreams and imaginations of her wanting me back?

Now that it looks like I’ve fully lost her forever, my mind stupidly unlocked the good sides of her.

The caring and loving part before my father lost his job.

Bella had been trying to call, but I can’t talk to anyone, especially not her.

I am slowly crawling back to the dark hole I fought so hard to get out of.

“Princess, I think you should take this call, it’s your… mom,” Xavier announces, trying to be extra careful.

But just the word “mom” hits me, punches me straight in the gut.

I know he means my foster mom.

Even if my real mom wasn’t dead, it’d be a joke if she called, but now I really wish it was her.

I want to tell her goodbye, or whatever people tell loved ones they’re about to lose.

“Take it.” My throat is parched, and my voice is dry, but I’m glad Xavier understood my words.

Besides, my foster mom wouldn’t call unless it’s important.

She’s always been about giving me my own space, although after the last break, there was a change, but she’s been really busy ever since.

Maybe she wants to break the news that she’s finally adopted Timothy, that would be a little comic relief, if that’s the right word.

“My baby.” Her voice sounds over the phone, and I instantly feel guilty.

Why would I want to trade these genuine words for a one-time conversation with my real mom, who never gave a damn?

“Mom.” I cough out, trying to clear my throat and hide that I’ve been crying, but Mrs. Hannah is way too smart for that.

“Have you been crying?” She asks, concern very evident in her voice.

I can’t lie.

“Yes.”

Expecting her to ask why, I was surprised by her next words.

“I’m sorry about the news, I thought I’d break it to you nicely, but you…”

Her voice instantly fades away.

It’s true.

The hard truth slaps me in the face.

The little doubt I was holding onto just disappeared into thin air.

She is truly gone.

“I’ve also been keeping tabs on her, just in case she tried something funny, but I was really shocked at the news of her passing.”

Xavier rubs my back again, knowing that I’m about to cry, but I hold it in.

Mrs. Hannah is already in a difficult position, I can’t make it any more uncomfortable for her than it already is.

“I want you to not overthink this. And I know it’d be hard, but can you promise me that, please?”

No.

I can’t.

It’s impossible.

This is my real mom we’re talking about here.

But I can’t tell her these words, it would hurt her a lot.

“I can’t promise you that.” I sniff, trying to wipe away my tears. “It’s hard not to overthink this.”

“Baby, you need to think about your exhibition, yourself… fuck, I feel like I’m doing a bad job at this.” She sighs over the line, and I almost smile.

I can literally picture the expression on her face.

“Can you come home and stay for a while before your final exams?”

“I want to. I swear I want to, but I’d be too distracted to focus on anything academic while I’m there. There’s Kayla too.” I laugh a little, remembering my cat that’s as clingy as hell.

“And Timothy is here too.” She adds.

Why do I feel like this announcement was meant to be grand, but the current situation doesn’t allow for it?

“I can’t wait to meet him, and officially introduce myself to him as his big sister.”

My mind runs to my mom’s sons.

I should be their big sister, if only…

Fuck it.

I have a new family now, one that loves me and cares for me.

“Things will definitely get better, Jasmine. I am so sure of this.” She affirms, and it sends a kind of warmth to my heart.

“Me, Timothy, and Kayla. We are your family, and I promise to never make you feel like we’re lacking in any way.”

“You don’t have to. I love you.” I admit, tearing up all over again.

“I love you a lot more than you think, and you are enough for me.” She pauses. “Adopting Timothy had absolutely nothing to do with anything else. It was all for you.”

I smile through the tears, hugging myself and imagining they were her hands.

“I wanted you to have a sibling, someone you could relate to, and look out for too.”

“Thank… thank you so much for that, Mom.”

“I just called to remind you of that. Jasmine is ours, and we are yours too.”

“You are loved, Princess,” Xavier mouths, and I nod in agreement.

“What if you treated this as closure. I’m not saying she deserved this for hurting you and making you go through all that.”

I take in a deep breath, pinning my ear to listen to her very carefully.

“This should be an end, and a new beginning that you choose to define, and for your own sake, let go.”

The words “let go” echo in my mind, like it’s what has been missing in my life.

“She has left this world, you should leave everything behind too, and focus on you.”

I need to let go.