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He stroked my hair again, and I sensed that my uncertainties harmed him. I was usually the one brimming with unyielding confidence, I was the fire and heat and energy between us. But without my vibrant optimism, where did that leave Everett? Grasping at hope that didn’t exist?

“Realistically, the odds are not in our favor,” he said solemnly.

But hearing that harmed me too. Maybe I had asked just hoping that Everett would unveil some mathematically assured scheme that he had been sitting on. Like maybe he had some Hail Mary he was waiting to unleash, some last minute deus ex machina that would obliterate David and all our worries. Instead, he presented me with the bleak, blunt truth: if David continued with this reign of terror, we would probably die.

“There has to be something we can do,” I murmured. “Can’t we join forces with Grandbay, merge our packs? At least temporarily?”

Everett hummed. “Then who would be Alpha?”

“Both of you.”      

A quiet laugh was held behind his lips. “It doesn’t work that way.”

“You and Gavin could make it work, I’m sure.”

“Even though we’re both facing the same threat, Gavin and I still operate very differently. If David doesn’t tear us apart, our own lack of cooperation might.”

“Well, neither of you have a Beta right now. Maybe one of you could fulfill the role temporarily.”

It seemed perfectly reasonable to me, but for two men who had been raised as Alphas, who had led their packs their entire adult lives, it was obviously out of the question to take a demotion of that sort. Everett’s silence told me that much. I didn’t even know who would remain Alpha and who would become the Beta. I definitely couldn’t see Everett stepping down and becoming subordinate to Gavin, but I knew Gavin would see it as a betrayal for me to suggest he become the Beta. What other options were there?

“Gavin will most likely make Gretel his Beta,” Everett said.

“Or he’ll want me to be his Beta,” I said.

Everett’s small smile reversed into a frown. He met my eyes, entwining his fingers between my own. “I want you to stay here with me, Aislin.”

I had suspected as much ever since I had that conversation with Lyssa, but with everything falling apart around us… “I don’t know if I can abandon Gavin now.”

His eyes hardened. His hands gripped mine tighter, and for a moment I was reminded of the emptiness in his stare when he snapped that man’s neck. “You’re my fated mate. I need you, and you need me.”

“I do need you, Ev. But I need to be comfortable making that decision on my own, and right now, I just…”

Everett pulled me closer, his hand on my hip. “Please don’t do this. You’re the only thing I’ve felt secure in lately. Ais, I can’t stand the thought of losing you too.” As he spoke, he maneuvered me underneath him, rolling above me so that he trapped me in his arms, as if my uncertainties would drive me away from him right then and there.

I wasn’t afraid of him. I knew what he was capable of, but the heartache of my tattered family made it so, so hard for me to accept leaving them. I pulled my hands out and pushed his chest away. Everett withdrew enough to allow me to sit up. “You’re not going to lose me. But my family comes first.”

After all I’d lost, I expected him to understand my hesitation to make a permanent decision. Instead, Everett’s frown deepened. “So, what? You want to be my mate but stay in Grandbay?”

“I don’t know, Ev.”

“That’s not going to work.”

“I know it wouldn’t work.”

“Then what? You don’t want to be my mate?”

What was he trying to do, putting this pressure on me? “I’m not in the right state of mind to give you the answers you want,” I said, unable to resist anger from threading between my words.

“I thought we both knew what we wanted.”

“I thought so too. Just give me time, please!”

“You wouldn’t need time if you knew!”

“I just…!” I didn’t know what I wanted. I supposed he was right. Suddenly, I was upset with him and myself, wishing I could tell him directly that I wanted to be his mate and stay in Eastpeak, but the thought of leaving Gavin and my mother—after the abrupt death of my father—seemed more and more unbearable. I squirmed out from under Everett and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, burying my face in my hands.

Everett hovered on the other side of the bed. I knew from the turmoil in his heart that I could feel through our connection, he was second guessing everything he said. But from the way he got so angry with me…

I was second guessing everything too. Especially being his mate.

Chapter 28: Everett

B

etween working with the Mythguard to cover up the attack, dealing with the death of another packmate, and Aislin suddenly telling me she was no longer certain about our mateship, I didn’t know what to think or feel anymore. I had begun to believe it was better for me to feel nothing at all. 

Aislin left my house that night to be with her pack. I tried to understand her perspective, but that had always been my weakness. A lack of empathy. I festered in a pool of despair with nothing but self-reflection to keep me occupied as the night wore on, once more facing a lack of sleep. All night, I laid in bed thinking of what I’d said to Aislin and how our sweet, quiet moment had deteriorated into an argument. I blamed myself for my lack of confidence in our future, but she had asked and I was just being realistic. Maybe that had frightened her—the idea that we could very well die within the next few weeks as David underwent the Lycan ritual. She would rather spend her last few weeks with her family than with me. So it made me the selfish one, to think that Aislin would so easily let herself be marked by me, commit herself to Eastpeak and stand by me instead of her own pack as we faced down our destiny.

But was it really so selfish of me to believe what we had been telling each other this entire time? That we wanted to be together? She knew that being my mate meant having to stay in Eastpeak, and she’d never brought up her uncertainties before. I tried to be patient. But I supposed my fear of losing her had manifested into anger, and Aislin already lost so much… dealing with my emotions on top of that wasn’t something she was prepared for.

By the time I woke, I regretted my reaction. Her absence made me realize that I wanted her no matter what her decision was. Even if it meant she would stay in Grandbay, I would have to deal with it. Visit her as often as I could. Make nice with Gavin. If Gretel was unable to become Gavin’s Beta and he wanted Aislin to take that role, then… I would adjust, even if it didn’t align with my vision of our future together. Being in a relationship with Aislin was better than the loneliness I’d condemned myself to before our fated bond was revealed. I had come to love her, and as much as it terrified me to admit, I realized that she needed to know that.