CHAPTER 12

"Your Highness, I know this is a delicate matter and I understand your fears and concerns, but at this stage, I think it's only fair for you to tell your wife—"

"That is absolutely out of the question!" Alexander growled at his therapist.

"Please hear me out my King, nothing is wrong with you medically like the doctors has certified, that's why I am here. As your therapist I strongly believe if your wife knows, it will first ease the burden of keeping such big secret from your shoulder. Secondly, you will both find ways to sooth you sexually and this will in turn help you," he explained.

Alexander sigh heavily, "What if it didn't work out as planned? What if she leaves me and people get to know?"

"My King, you told me she loves you, and from what I can infer after meeting your wife I'm sure she will fight for this marriage, but you have to start trusting again, let the past go and genuinely work on your marriage. Let's try it," he admonished.

"Fine I will, thank you for coming" Alexander conceded.

"Enjoy the rest of your day your highness" seeing himself out of the study room where they usually have their session.

Alexander knew it wasn't right for him to hide something that big from Pamilerin, but his hands were tied. He kept asking himself, "what if she leaves me?" But after reasoning with his therapist he has decided to let her know. The truth is the way out now. He left his study room and went in search of his wife, certain that he will find her in the library, she loves reading. Something he didn't know before. She had been spending her time arranging and organizing the place, making it look much better than before.

He found her tucked away in the far end behind the book shelves, kneeling down, surrounded with boxes, packed with books. She looks like a teenager with the way her hair was packed up, face free of make-up.

"My queen seems to be busy this days" he remarked, leaning against the book shelf.

"Oh, your highness, I was not expecting to see you here. How long have you been standing there?" She had been caught off guard.

"It's alright, I just walked in. What's in all those boxes?"

"New books I ordered. I hope that's alright?" She scrambled up, dusting her dress.

"Sure, have fun. It's refreshing to see someone else besides me interested in books."

"Guess your late wife does not like books?" She asked, placing a book up in the empty space she had created.

"No she doesn't, we hardly have many things in common, but I'm not here to talk about my late wife" closing the distance between them. Blocking her movement, her back pressed to the shelf, as he caged her in. Hands placed on both side of her head.

"What did you want to talk about then" her voice suddenly coming out husky. Alexander had always managed to unnerve her. He will raise up emotions and desires within her and at the end, leaving her wanting more. Now he is doing it again, it like he has her button in his hands. He has stayed away from her since days ago when they argued about her moving into his bedroom and his weariness in making love to her. She was also furious with him, and she kept to herself. pretending to be asleep anytime he retires for bed at night.

"About us, I know you have questions and I'm willing to answer them." His lips hovering close to hers.

"Alright then, but this is not the appropriate place. Let's go to our room, then we will talk" holding his gaze.

"Good, let's go. You will finish here later" stepping back.

~*~

Pamilerin sat primly on their bed and look at him expectantly. Alexander could not bring himself to sit, too tensed, not sure of what are reaction will be like.

"Darling, you are starting to make me nervous with your pacing. What's the matter? Is something bothering you?" She asked, a frown marring her face.

"I want to tell you something important about me, just listen. My marriage with my first wife was not based on love or any romantic stuff like that. It was purely a beneficial arrangement for both families, and we looked good together. We may not have had a perfect marriage, but it was based on mutual respect. Though I suspected she wanted more than I could give, and I was also neck deep in work. She started complaining, drawing into herself, so one day I suggested we go for a drive, just the two of us. I thought it would help us bond more. She was reluctant but later decided to go with me.

"It was meant to be a short drive, but we got into an argument. A text had come in on her phone. Apparently my wife had started to get close to a male friend of hers, someone I didn't even know. The message was kind of suggestive, and I got upset when I caught a glimpse of it after wrestling the phone away from her. She screamed at me that it was nothing like what I was thinking, and in the struggle of her trying to take her phone from me, I lost control of the car.

"It all happened so fast. I couldn't even explain what happened. She died on impact, and I was unconscious for four days, leaving me with this scar." His hand traced it. "But on top of that, I learned that she had been with child, and I'm not even sure it was mine. Later, when I was discharged and things started going back to normal, I discovered something else," he muttered tersely.

Pamilerin kept quiet, allowing him to talk. She felt His pain the guilt he must have felt then. "What did you discover?" She whispered back calmly.

"I could not perform sexually" he finished, sitting down on a chair in the room.

"Meaning? I don't follow…"

"I mean I can't get it up again—"

"What are you saying! But how is that possible?"

"I guess it was a psychological effect from the accident, in a way I blame myself for everything—"

"Sorry for cutting you short but that means you knew you couldn't make love to me before you married me. That's why you kept finding excuse for not consummating our marriage. Oh my God this is too much. You deceived me!" she declares, standing up from the bed, glaring at Alexander.

"Please try to understand me—I had to do what I did—"

"Because of your selfish reasons! And here I thought you care for me, even if you did not say it. I guess I was wrong"

"You are special Pamilerin, I deeply care for you. You make me feel things I thought I was incapable of feeling" crossing the room to join her.

"Yea right, please I need time to process all these." Stepping back before he could touch her. Alexander winced at her action. All his fears seemed to be coming true. But at least she is not saying she is leaving him, which is a good thing right?

"Fine. I understand, I will give you space, will be in my office if you need anything" leaving her in the room.

Pamilerin waits for him to leave, closing the door after him, before collapsing on the bed. She was shaking so bad. Fury, confusion, sadness—all seems jumbled up within her. She can't believe this was happening to her.

"But you love him. And promised better and worse with him" her inner voice taunts her, making her to groan in anguish further.

It was true that she loved him, with every fibre of her being, and that was why his lie hurt so much. She has been deceived by him. Tears pooled around her eyes, streaming down into her pillow. Her ringing phone disrupted the quietness of the room. Sniffing to control her emotions, Pamilerin reached for her phone; it was her mother.

"Hello mum" infusing happiness she is not feeling into her voice.

"Hey baby, how are you? And how is your husband. Hope you are settling in alright?" She asked.

"Yea I am fine, settling in alright" choking on the last word.

"My darling what's wrong, you sounded low." Quickly picking up on her emotion.

"Oh mum I don't think I am strong enough to be a queen. I think I am way in over my head, and Alexander—never mind mum," she can't bring herself to tell her mother. It will be wrong to do so, she loves him too much to give out his secret.

"Oluwapamilerin listen to me. I don't think have told you this before, but I will tell you now. Every marriage has its own issues that need to be faced and overcome. When I married your father, and we waited for years to conceive, but nothing happened. I was mentally disturbed, depressed. I wouldn't do anything in the house. Your father, David, stood by me, despite everything. When he suggested adoption, I didn't want to consider it, but I later accepted and that's why we have you. We rename you Pamilerin, because you indeed, make us to laugh, as your name implies.

We still tried to get pregnant, but nothing worked. We went through series of IVF, yet still nothing. Your father is not perfect, nor am I, yet we choose to stay in this marriage. For better for worse, and it was the best decision have ever made. Trust me when I say everything will be fine, just take it easy. You are born for this, and I know Alexander truly cares for you" she told her.

Tears was gushing down from Pamilerin's eyes by the time, her mother finished. "Oh mother thank you, I feel so much better now. Now I know what to do. I love you mum" she whispered.

"I'm happy to hear that love. Take care" ending the call.

Pamilerin wipe her tears, feeling much better. She would do anything and everything to make it work in her marriage. She would make her husband fall hopelessly in love with her, but first, she needed to speak with him. With renewed determination, she freshened up and walked out of the room.

~*~

"Yes, come in?" Alexander called out. He glanced up to see Pamilerin come in. "How are you dear?"

"I want us to talk, or are you busy?" Sitting on the couch.

"It's fine. I will get back into it later. Let's talk," he said, joining her. Well this is it Alexander, he thought within himself.

"I want us to try—I mean, to find a solution to this issue with, uhm, your sexual—"

"Believe me, I am doing that. I would give anything to be with you like that. My doctor told me that I'm okay medically. He said it was psychological." He cradled her hands in his.

"Then I will help you in any way I can, I promise." Pamilerin whispers solemnly.

"Thank you" he mutters, drawing her into his embrace. He felt light, as if a huge load was taken off his shoulder. His therapist was right after all, telling her was a good idea.

"It's okay. Now let me allow you focus on work." Kissing him gently before rising up.

"See you in the evening babe" seeing her to the door, pressing a quick kiss on her lips again.

"Later darling" sashaying out of the room.

Alexander released a quick breathe, taking his seat back. Now he has less issue to worry about, he can now concentrate on finding a solution. His nephew had started a little uprising, claiming he had rights to the throne, and since he had yet to produce heirs to the throne, he wanted to use that against him. But Alexander is sure he will fail in his bid.

Armed with new resolve Pamilerin fired questions into her laptop search engine, the moment she went back to their room. Ways to get a man sexually aroused 101. She read things that made her face turn red, causing her to squirm. She missed lunch all together, telling them to keep it warm till she is ready for it. Pamilerin was bent on getting solution to the problem that besets her marriage. If she needed to spend all day surfing the net for ways that could help, she was ready to do just that.

Since he told her that its psychological, Pamilerin concluded that she needs to get him relaxed. A calm settings will help him greatly. A subtle seduction won't be bad neither, she read in one of her research that it is better not to pressurize him, or force things but just to let things flow with ease. So tonight is going to be all about him.

Pamilerin arranged for a massage table to be brought in, to the adjoining room. It did not take long for everything she needs to be put in place. Turning the room into a spa of sort. Thankful that she followed her instinct when they were on their honeymoon to shop for scented candles, shower gel, massaging oils and other stuffs. If the maids were curious about what their new queen is doing, they held their curiosity in check. Next, she arranged for their dinner to be brought up. Setting up a romantic table for two.

Stepping back, she viewed the set up with smile on her face. It all looked perfect, breathtaking if she said so herself, and judging from the look on her helper's face it all came out nice. Dismissing them, she quickly showered, selecting a black dress with a low neckline, showing her smooth fair cleavage. The body-hugging dress barely reached her thighs. She brushed her hair, and applied a light make-up, coating her lips with a shimmering gloss.

Pamilerin reached for her phone, dialling Alexander's mobile. He answered by the second ring, "hey babe, are you still busy at work?"

"I'm done for the day, will be with you shortly" he responded.

"Good, will be waiting. Hurry home I have a surprise for you." she whispers.

"I will, can't wait to see your surprise" chuckling softly, ending the call.

She lit the candle on the dinner table, putting on cool music, completing the romantic night setting. The whole thing will knock his socks off. She heard a footstep at the door, then the door was pushed open, ushering Alexander in. He stopped in his tracks as he takes in the table set for two in a corner.

"Wow this is lovely" still gazing at the table, but his jaw practically drops open when he saw her. "Babe what's going on, do you want to kill me in that outfit of yours?" Holding her at arm's length to look at her.

Pamilerin chuckles at his outburst, "I just thought it will be nice to do something for us, since we've got back from our honeymoon" she explained helping him with his ties. "All I want you to do his, relax. Have run a warm bath for you. Freshen up, then we eat" rising on her toes to kiss him, before removing his suit.

"I'm short of words, thank you darling" discarding his remaining cloths, and following her to the bathroom.