Leonard's blood ran cold in a second. The man with the least scruples and shame felt like crying. The connection to her wasn't physical, something in his gut drove him to be around her and he mistook it for sexual appetite. Wanting to die wasn't even close to what he felt at that moment.
It all made sense now. Back then he had told Marcus that Deanna sang like an old soul; she was like his mother. Her cold and contemptuous mother also sang when her father met her, forced her to give up her profession and turned her into a bitter woman.
Deanna inherited her grandmother's talent. But the hair and eyes were Philippa's. He had the feeling he had seen her somewhere else. If he had bothered to ask the professor who had facilitated her audition for her details, he would have discovered her last name. But none of that mattered to him at the time, he didn't even think about it.
He had spent his entire adult life chasing young girls like her, and Deanna was going to be the next one.
-I didn't know that," he said aloud, trying to convince himself.
Deanna watched him.
- Why didn't you tell me, Philippa? -
- You were already gone, Leonard... I wanted to tell you when I found out and you didn't want to see me...
- I wanted to see you... My mother, my "dear" mother, told me you were in the house after you'd gone... She wouldn't let me follow you -
- Your fiancée came a few days later to tell me to leave you alone, that you were getting married -
- Ah, my Alice! That bitch... -
Leonard's venom was real. He hated them both. For him, the two women who should have loved him only ruined his life. One treated him with indifference and coldness, the other forced him into an unloving marriage on a whim. And his own cowardice had driven him away from Philippa.
- You are my father... -
- I'm sorry... I disgust you, don't I? Your sisters feel the same.
- You abandoned my mother... -
- I'm a coward.
- All the time you tried...
- And an animal too... That's what I am, that's what I've become... I'm sorry -
- What have you done? - Philippa asked him fearfully.
- I met her and for some reason I was attracted to her... Of course! She's just like you... I didn't understand why I had such a deep-seated need...
- My God! You're a beast! -
- I'm worse than that -
His voice sounded like he felt: broken.
- You're not even defending yourself - Deanna accused him.
- Of what? Will you believe me if I tell you that I loved your mother madly? That my life has been a mess since I left her? Or that I became the way I am because it was the only way I knew how to feel good about myself? Would you rather I tell you how your grandfather threatened to ruin me if I didn't marry his friend's daughter? What do you want me to say? Either way, I'll continue to disgust you, I'll continue to disgust myself -
- You're right, you can't say anything to justify yourself. It doesn't change anything that you are my father... I never needed you and now I don't need what you are. The only thing I can blame you for are the problems you deliberately created with Daniel. The rest doesn't interest me -
- Oh yes, Daniel! I guess I owe him an apology... - He said it cynically.
- No need, just stay away from us. From my mother too –
- It's the story of my life with women... -
- Should I feel sorry for you? -
- It would be nice -
- And give you satisfaction? -
- You gave me more than satisfaction at the Ambassador when you went on stage -
- If I'd known, I'd never have gone... -
- Your grandmother sang like you... Your grandmother's witch... She had a voice like yours, sweet and warm, but powerful... Then she became a harpy. You don't -
- You have no respect for your own mother, for any woman -
- Your grandmother didn't deserve respect, you can ask your mother what kind of person she was -
- I don't care, I don't care about you. You were never there, my mother cried for you while you were out having fun, playing -
- Playing? With Alice? You met her, Deanna, you can't play with her... She had a whim and she did everything she could and more to get it, you know the worst part? I did nothing to stop her, I sat back and let them decide my life. I let them take away the only good thing I ever had... -
- Are you saying it wasn't your fault? Didn't you decide to go away and get married? -
- I'm just telling you how it happened. Of course it's my fault, of course it's my fault! But I share it with others. Do you know how many nights I spent thinking about Philippa? My life would have been very different, but cowardice got the better of me and I paid for my mistake in spades... Look at what I am -
Deanna didn't know what to feel. She was disgusted, angry, but at the same time, seeing him like this, the spoils of a once haughty and arrogant man, made her feel strange.
The look on his face told her that he was falling apart, and yet he kept using that ironic tone in his voice.
She didn't want to feel sorry for him, for the things he was telling her. She thought about it for a moment and realized that she was surrounded by cowards, all of them lying, all of them manipulated. But this coward in front of her was accepting his sins and admitting his own bullshit. And it was her father.
Philippa also felt guilty for not being honest with her daughter the day she asked for him. Just the thought of what might have happened between them made her sick to her stomach. At that time she was still so hurt and bitter about him that she never thought Deanna had the right to know that he was part of her identity, even if he wasn't there.
- I'm so sorry, baby... That you had to find out this way, that I couldn't be honest with you and tell you the truth, or at least tell you his name... I still felt so much anger... A thousand things went through my head when you asked me about him What if you went looking for him? What if you ran into his mother or his family? They'd humiliate you like they did me, you'd come back hurt... -
- Mom, all I knew was what Grandma told me, and that was enough for me to realize that I didn't need him... -
- It doesn't matter. Today I see what a mistake I made, thinking only of my own pain... It could have been a disaster... -
Deanna's phone rang. It was probably Daniel, but she didn't answer it. Her body was weak, as if the life force had been drained from her. Her eyes ached from the tears she shed and the tears she held back.
But the calls kept coming, one after the other, without stopping. She had completely forgotten that they were supposed to have a "family" dinner at the house that night. They would all be there by now and she still couldn't even move.
When she finally picked up the phone, she didn't recognize the number she was calling, and when she picked up, no one answered. She heard the phone go dead and looked at the screen in confusion. She had an unread message from the same number. And the message had a video file attached.