Chapter 93

Mendora surrendered her face to the night air, allowing its crispness to crystallize the tears seeping past her closed eyelids as she struggled to control her breathing. Now was not the time to succumb to her emotions. Neither to drown in a sea of unsettling thoughts and revelations.

First she needed to leave. The air in this manor was suffocating her and even the wisps of organic air engulfing her, filling her nostrils and lings was enough.

With that sole purpose singing in her mind, blocking any irrelevant thoughts from seeping through, she wiped at her cheeks to clear any run-away tears. She ruffled her skirts, inhaled and squared her shoulders.

She hadn’t the luxury of anonymity any more but she would do her damnest to sneak away. There were no authentic thoughts to be entertained in the presence of the ton. Slipping back into the crowd, Mendora smiled and curtseyed as she wound through everyone. Grateful that it was easy to give the excuse that there was someone else to meet, to thank for sharing in this occasion.

As she focused on the door, the final person in her way accepted her excuse and Mendora stole away. Convinced that she was stealthy enough in her efforts not to have drawn any unsavoury attention.

On the other side of the room, cuddled into a nondescript corner, Ginger had been keeping her eyes peeled for her mistress. Never before had she attended such a gathering and she had to admit, to herself at least, that she was intimidated by it all.

Settling neatly into a corner and out of any one’s way while she hoped to see a familiar face. A hope materialised for she’d seen Mendora making her way through the strangers congratulating her.

Her legs moved briskly, her body language altering from open and relaxed to something else. This alerted Ginger that something had occurred. She knew Mendora long enough to know when the girl was faking her smiles and comfort.

Her legs took over, easing through the crowd towards Mendora, not at all surprised that she’d exited the Hall.

***

He’d promised to marry her and he fully intended to keep that promise! By the Gods of old Solaire reminded himself of his obligations. Right now he needed to slow his racing thoughts. To emerge from this pit of confusion that was weighing on his chest. The urge to rip away his clothing grew, realising that it would be the most inadvisable action he could take with a hall full of guests *he* invited.

This was a literal nightmare for it was an event he could not have anticipated even on his best day.

Cracking a window open, something he rarely did at night, Solaire leaned over the sill and basked in the waves of cold splashing over his face. Seeing Mendora in her truest form scared him. He could at least admit that to himself. What he could not admit was the triviality of his reaction or sentiments. Mendora might not admit to ever being capable of falling into wanting another man’s attention to the point of infidelity, but Solaire doubted his mother planned her current path before marriage.

It was one he’d seen many women fall into and he could not comprehend it happening to him. He’d go mad. Especially where Mendora was concerned.

It would not be difficult for her either. Her appeal alone was enough to draw the herds to her without effort and that terrified him. He could not bear to picture himself like his father. Hiding away from polite society in his country estate alone because the woman he chose to be loyal to could not understand or care for the same.

Women were creatures that craved new attention and often succumbed to it. His mother was proof enough and with Mendora’s change in appearance the probability of her attracting attention elevated to standards he could not feel comfortable with.

Whatever trust, safety and comfort he felt in proposing to marry Mendora had dissipated the moment he laid eyes on her tonight. The moment he saw how at ease she felt with all the attention.

He groaned, sweat dripping down his chest and back despite the cool air as his mind revisited their argument. Had she really confessed to being in love with him?

The argument blurred in his remembrance. Perhaps he’d mistakenly heard it?

How Solaire wished that was true. *Fuck!*

Pushing off the sill and wandering back into the warmer parts of his study, Solaire began to pace in circles. He didn’t bargain for love. Not now, not in the future. His mind was set on that. No one was able to get close enough to him. He wouldn’t allow it because love was a fairytale.

He’d thought they were on the same page, down to the very line. And yet his insecurities could not allow him to wager himself on her love. Love had never been a faithful emotion. Not for anyone he knew. It was callous and disappointing and he had his own parents to thank for that lesson. Since his mother’s marriage, she’d wagered herself to be in love with countless men only to switch them out once a better, newer option introduced itself.

He had no reason to think Mendora’s love was any different or any more special.

*Stop!* He screamed at himself, ceasing his chaotic movements. Solaire paused, his chest heaving, his eyes to the door. Now was not the time to be hauled up while there were guests roaming through his house. His thoughts would get him no closer to a resolution because his mind was unchangeable from his already established opinions.

He and Mendora would have to deal with their issues tomorrow, together. Adjusting his clothes, taking a swig of whisky Solaire prepared himself to stay at her side all night. Regardless of him not wishing to lay eyes on her for the moment.

A promise was meant to be kept and while he was no gentleman, he had honour. He pronounced to the most affluent of London that she was to be his and by the

Devil he’d keep his promise.

For now, he’d look for Mendora and ask her to table their earlier discussion for a more private venue.

Almost bumping into Williams on the way back to the Hall. “The guests were searching for you and Miss Garrick, My Lord.” Williams tentatively scanned the area as if expecting Mendora to be trailing a few steps behind.

“Isn’t Miss Garrick in the Hall?” Solaire’s anger and confusion circling around his relationship with Mendora momentarily cleared, being replaced by a confusion borne of something else entirely.

Williams, cocking both his brows in most blatant display of uncertainty that Solarie had ever seen, shook his head, “Not since last I checked, My Lord.”

“I’ll search for her,” he moved past Williams, considering that the man might not have recognised her since.

***

Once out of the main Hall, Mendora found her thoughts flowing. Her mind able to create coherent thoughts and ideas again. The situation was becoming clearer and her heart weaker.

The ability she possessed to remain unmarred by the state of her relationship with Solaire was temporary and as she reached for the front exit to the house tears freely leapt from her waterline. Marriage was convenient and Mendora had promised herself that she would only marry for love. Mutual and reciprocal. Anything less was an insult to the time she fooled the ton in to thinking she was unmarriageable. That had come on the cusp of her avoiding a similar situation.

How could she in good conscious go through with this engagement? She couldn’t, could she?

Mendora shuddered, ready to take off in whatever direction her feet felt most comfortable in going.

“Where ever are you going?” A familiar voice, a boon in the most desperate time Mendora had ever had. Her heart-break from Sir Henry had been nothing like this. Not by a long shot.

“He does not love me,” she twisted on her heels almost immediately, falling into Gingers embrace.

“Speak clearly,” she reluctantly tapped Mendora’s back in comfort. She could barely hear any words out of her mistress’ muffled pronunciation. Ginger pulled her off slightly, intent on viewing Mendora’s teary eyed expression. Her cheeks slick and puffy.

“What’s happened?” she prompted after Mendora fell silent, her lips quivering.

“The Marquess, he does not love me,” Mendora took great pains, through her shuddering breaths to say the words, “I cannot marry him Ginger, I was a fool.”

Ginger’s entire body ran cold. This was precisely the state of events she wished to avoid and now it was happening. Mendora was heartbroken and all for that damned rake! “

“Pardon me,” A figure emerged from the dark. Mendora dabbed at her eyes while Ginger turned to acknowledge the intruder. “One of you won’t happen to Miss Mendora Garrick?” his voice smooth and intense as it echoed in their ears.

Upon hearing the mention of her name, Mendora turned to look at him, only then noticing a carriage sitting ominously in the road.

“Did the Marquess send you?” Mendora felt a jolt of hope start in her chest but it was doused by the stranger’s slow smile. “I am afraid not, Miss.” He took a pause.

“But I have been searching far and wide for you,”