Have no girlfriend
BLAIR’S POV
When I arrived at the café, I checked my messages. Louise told me he'd be wearing a blue shirt so I could identify him. After scanning the tables, I found a man that fit that description. I approached the table shyly, afraid I was greeting the wrong person.
"You must be Blair." He said in French. He gave me a firm handshake, something I almost never did anymore.
He turned to his young son and instructed him to say hi.
"Hi, I'm Oliver." He said in English.
"Hello, I'm Blair, nice to meet you." I replied. I extended my hand to the little boy, bending slightly. He shook my hand shyly, his honey-colored fringe falling over his eyes.
"Oliver, please speak French." Louise said to him while inviting me to sit at the table. Then he turned to me. "As you can see, unless he's asked to, he won't speak French voluntarily."
I gave Oliver a sneaky look, wanting to win him over. For a ten-year-old kid, he looked a bit small and timid. I knew that if I wanted to be successful in my tutoring, I'd have to make him open up.
"Tu peux me parler en français Oliver, on est amis." I winked. He hid his face but smiled. ("You can speak French with me Oliver, we're friends.")
"D'accord." He said in a cute voice. Louise seemed pleased with his son's interaction. ("Okay.")
Over large coffees, Louise and I talked for about an hour. The conversation went incredibly smoothly. He told me all about him and his husband, Lucas, and that they were expecting another child. He really needed someone to practice French with Oliver in an informal, fun way since he'd be super busy in the upcoming months.
He asked me about my Masters, genuinely interested in my artistry. He praised me for following my passion.
"It can sometimes be a lot of work," I commented. "But it's definitely not as study intensive as other fields. I find myself with quite some spare time, especially during the afternoons since I only have lessons in the morning."
Louise brought his hands to his chin, pensive.
"Let me make you an offer then." He said, placing his hands on the table. "Depending on your availability, would you also be willing to babysit him on special occasions? We'd pay you for your tutoring and the extra hours you'd spend with him. And before you ask, of course you can take your work to our place. Wouldn't want to get in the way of your assignments. How does that sound?"
That sounded incredible. Getting paid to spend time with a little kid while also doing work for Uni?
"I really like you Blair, you seem like an ambitious young man who is just starting out his life." Louise added before I could give him an answer. "Oliver likes you too!" We shook hands on the spot after agreeing on the amount he'd pay me, which was considerable. I was expected to tutor and look after Oliver on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as well as Saturdays. That meant that I had every day of the week occupied with the exception of Sunday.
When saying goodbye, Louise nudged Oliver to give me a hug. I bent down, his small arms wrapping around my back. He was so sweet, like a little angel.
When I left the café I texted Felix to tell him the good news.
BLAIR: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I got the job, the bad news is that I'll only be seeing you on Sundays.
I walked to the bus stop, not minding the cold air. My phone buzzed.
FELIX: The sacrifices of being a strong, independent man.
FELIX: We always have my office though.
My stomach flipped with that last message.
BLAIR: Only for taking doubts, I presume.
I absolutely loved teasing him. It was so exhilarating.
FELIX: Such a good student, Mr. De Montmorency. I wonder if you'd be so diligent bent over my desk.
My eyes widened. I slammed my phone against my chest, afraid people around me would read the text. My cheeks burned bright red.
BLAIR: I guess you'll have to find out.
I put my phone away when the bus pulled over. When I got home twenty minutes later, I was greeted with curious eyes of my roommates.
"Where have you been Blair?" Asked Sammy, his notebooks spread open on the dining table. "You didn't sleep over last night... Do you have a secret girlfriend you aren't telling us about?"
I froze, my brain unable to provide an immediate answer. I completely forgot to send them a text telling them I wouldn't be coming home Monday night.
"Oh Sammy, don't put the boy on the spot." Claudio came to my rescue. "His life is none of your business."
"Thank you Claudio," I managed to say, hanging my coat. "But I was at a friend's house. We have a test coming up and we were studying together."
Sammy's eyes narrowed. "Hm, I'll pretend I believe that."
I chuckled nervously "I'm serious. If I had a girlfriend I'd be the first one to tell you."
Those words hurt when coming out of my mouth. Felix technically wasn't my girlfriend, he is a fellow man so I wasn't outright lying.
What were we then? That question filled me both with repulse and anxiety. I desperately wanted to avoid answering it, but I also craved to know where we stood. Why did he ask me about my upbringing if he was only interested in a physical relationship? What would a real relationship look like for us, anyway? How could someone be secretly committed to you? Commitment existed to show the outside world you were taken, but of course no one could ever find out about us.
It would be wonderful to call him mine though, wouldn't it?
An overwhelming sadness came over me. I couldn't allow myself to think about this anymore, so I headed to the kitchen to get dinner ready. It was the only thing that could distract me.
Later that night, an invisible force pulled me to the drawing table. This was truly my safe place, where I processed my emotions, where I let them out without judgment or inhibitions. With a warm cup of tea and fuzzy socks on, I sketched the only thing on my mind, the only thing that my hands allowed me.
Felix had sketched my naked back and I wanted to sketch his. Even though I didn't have him there as a model, I remembered him perfectly. His drawing was masterful, I knew I couldn't top it, but at least I could try. It also helped me process the vulnerability I felt during that half hour he had me naked and observed, because now I was picturing him doing the exact same.
When I was done, I hung the picture on my wall, next to Felix's sketch of me. There we were, both with our back bare, vulnerable to each other.
I took a picture of the sketches side by side and sent it to Felix.
BLAIR: Which one do you like the most?
I waited impatiently for a reply. After a while of no answer, I checked the time. It was almost midnight. When he wouldn't text back, my self-doubt took over me. Oh God, what if this was the cringiest thing he'd ever seen and didn't want to reply? What if he thought I was stupid and naive?
My phone buzzed. My anxiety sky-rocketed.
FELIX: You're making it very hard for me not to go pick you up right now.
My heart stopped.
BLAIR: Why?
FELIX: Because I can see it in your sketch you want to fuck me and I would let you.
FELIX: Gladly.
A shiver ran down my spine. This man was going to kill me. I had to respond in a way that showed him that I wasn't affected by him in the slightest.
BLAIR: I will neither confirm nor deny that statement.
FELIX: I don't need you to confirm anything, I already know you're a bad boy desperate for me to touch you.
I bit my lip. Fuck, how did he turn me on so easily? Even through texts he knew what he was doing.
I had to end the conversation on top, so I sent a simple goodbye text to show him I wasn't affected by his crude words. Little did he know I was already hard.
BLAIR: Goodnight Felix.
As I was about to turn my lights off, my phone buzzed one last time.
FELIX: Without you here can it really be a good night?
I stared at that text for a while. Did that text have a sexual innuendo or was it simply innocent and wholesome?
As I laid in bed, I missed his body next to mine. I missed his warmth, his arms, his hands, his smell, his muscles, his skin, his lips on my forehead.
I looked at that message again. Maybe he was referring to just sleeping together, cuddled up, like we did last night. I doubted it though.