29

Sometimes we say we hate certain people and never take into account that certain situations can make us lose control. And I, I said hated Nicholas Hills ever since he proposed sex in exchange for money.

But everything spiraled out of control.

A kiss and a glance were enough to unleash the worst mistake I could have ever made. I feel like a failure. I was used, I let myself be used like an idiot, and I let him see me as his sexual entertainment once again. What's done is done, and I won't be able to change what happened. I won't be able to change a damn thing because his way of touching me lingers in my head, and I still remember his rough way of kissing me. I remember it all because I never enjoyed sex as much as at that moment, and I blame myself, I blame myself for letting myself be carried away so easily and not giving up. I did exactly what he wanted; I fell into his provocations. He made it clear that he only wanted to satisfy his lust for one night, and it seems he succeeded.

I close the door of my apartment, it's later than usual, and I know Louis is asleep because if he weren't, he would already be here greeting me.

I walk through the living room and stop when I see Carol. She's sitting on the couch, reading a fashion magazine while sipping tea. No matter how much I try to run or hide, it's too late because she has already seen me.

"Bad night?" she says, raising an eyebrow.

I leave my bag on the couch and go for a glass of water.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Your hair is messy. Haven't you noticed?"

I gulp down the icy water in one go and swallow.

"What's wrong?" she asks. "You seem distressed."

I leave the glass on the counter and walk into the living room. Tears fill my eyes, and I feel like a little girl about to be scolded.

"I made a mistake," I mutter.

"What happened?"

She drops the magazine and I become the center of her attention.

"I slept with my boss."

And I explode, breaking down in tears due to the stress of this situation, for giving in so easily and letting myself be charmed by that man.

"Eva..."

Her eyes widen with surprise, and she stands up to embrace me.

"Take it easy, you don't have to feel guilty," she strokes my hair.

"But... I lost control and... I messed up, I lost control," I bring my hands to my face. "I don't know what I did, I..."

"Sometimes we can confuse things."

"Yes, but he's my boss. He could fire me after this..."

She swallows and falls silent.

"Well, yes, it was a bad move," she admits. "But we still can't rush to conclusions, let's wait until tomorrow."

I pull away from her. I still feel vulnerable and like a failure.

"I'm going to rest. Is Louis asleep?" She nods, and I bid her farewell before locking myself in my room.

I rush to the bathroom, strip off my clothes, and step into the shower. The hot water soaks my body, and I just stand there, motionless.

My mind reminds me of what happened with my boss again, and I can't feel more foolish. I start thinking about Erick, and his death and blame myself once again. Everything comes crashing down on me. It's as if I'm not only crying for giving in to my boss's charms but also for Jonas's return, for everything I went through, Erick's death...

Everything hits me. I want to retreat into my bubble and never come out again.

I rinse my hair, and my body, and step out of the shower. I wrap a towel around my body, put on my sleepwear, and lie on the bed amidst all the darkness. I cover myself with the blankets and hug my pillow as I curse a thousand times for succumbing to his charms, to him, especially to him, the man who humiliated and degraded me.

*

It's another day, a morning when Carol joins me in the kitchen as we have breakfast. I'm still a little lost in my thoughts, reminding myself that I have to face my boss today.

Carol avoids touching the subject, talking about other matters and making an attempt to lift her spirits. She manages to make me smile, but I know I'm not feeling very well. Still, I appreciate her presence. I don't know what I would do without Carol's help.

"You should contact Harmony," she tells me. "I spoke to her, and she said she's willing to come back to work here. I'll be returning to work soon, and I don't want things to get complicated for you. Will you talk to her?"

"Yes," I bring the coffee cup to my lips. "I'm in a position now to be able to pay her. I earned a little more money..."

"That's good."

I glance at the time on my phone; I'm running late, but I'll make it on time, or so I hope.

"I have to go," I stand up and pick up my bag. "Take care, don't push yourself too hard..."

"Don't worry, I'm fine. I have some symptoms, but they're not that severe."

I nod.

"See you later."

"Same to you. Have a good day."

I leave the building and drive towards the office building. Once I arrive, I park the car, grab my bag, and enter the luxurious building. The elevator welcomes me; I press the button for the top floor, and my legs tremble.

I'll likely have to face him and I don't know if he'll say anything about last night. I fear that he too sees it as a mistake and decides to fire me... Would he be capable of doing that? For God's sake, of course, he would, he's Nicholas Hills.

The doors open, I don't look at anyone and walk down the hallway, but I freeze when I see him standing outside, by the door of his office. He's on the phone, and I try to pass unnoticed by looking down, but it doesn't seem to work because...

"Miss Miller."

Damn it!

He's going to say something, fire me. I start thinking the worst, and slowly, I turn on my heels.

"Sir..."

I can't look at him, but I force myself to do it. He doesn't say anything, he simply opens the office door and invites me inside. Once in, I stand still as I hear him close the door and hear his footsteps.

"Take a seat," he orders.

His voice is clear and strong.

I take a seat in front of him. I still feel his gaze on me, and I blame myself for not resisting the idea of sleeping with him.

"It seems we need to have a conversation," he says.

I squirm as I sense a kind of perversion in his eyes. I start to hate the way this man looks at me.

I notice his phone starts vibrating, but he rejects the call. I dig my nails into the fabric of my skirt, nerves starting to get the better of me.

"What happened yesterday shouldn't have happened," I blurt out, nervous.

He looks at me with determination; I fear he's going to laugh in my face or, even worse, fire me. But that doesn't happen because his phone rings again, and he finally takes the call in a bad mood. I don't pay attention to what he says, and inevitably, my gaze lands on the desk where he took me last night. I look away. It's not the time; I'm not being prudent. It was a slip-up.

"Let's go," Mr. Hills' voice brings me out of my thoughts. "We have a meeting, grab your things."

I breathe a silent sigh of relief. Does that mean I'm not fired? For now, that's a yes.

I grab my bag and follow him out of the office. We get into the elevator, leave the building, and the limousine transports us to Mr. Baker's building. They seem to need to renegotiate some terms, as he briefly explained to me during the ride.

We arrive at the top floor of the building, and a woman who can't stop giving seductive looks to Mr. Hills leads us to the conference room. Mr. Baker comes into my field of vision, and there are other individuals in the room as well. We sit down, Mr. Hills takes the lead, and I try to concentrate, but I fail. I can't stop thinking about what happened; I feel perverse when I look at him. Every time I look at him, I can only remember his moans, his way of touching me...

I want to stop all thoughts related to that night, and I can't; it's frustrating.

By the time the meeting ends, we say our goodbyes and head toward the elevator. The doors open, we step inside the compartment, Mr. Hills presses the button for the ground floor, and we fall into silence.

However...

I startle when the lights flicker as if they're about to go out, then return to normal, but there's a loud bang, and I can feel the damn elevator abruptly stopping.

"Now, what the hell happened?" Mr. Hills grumbles, clearly stressed.

"The elevator stopped," I mutter.