Chapter 27: The delay
Luna pressed a hand to her stomach as she stared at Dr. Gina.
“Are you sure?” she asked, hoping the answer would be different the second time around.
But Dr. Gina just shook her head sadly. “I’m sorry, Luna, but it would be dangerous for you to go ahead with the insemination process right now. Your cervix is looking weaker than it was the last time you were here, and the situation’s just too delicate right now. I only have your best interest at heart.”
Luna exhaled a breath, she raised a hand to wave away the other woman’s sympathy and worries.
“I know, Gina, I know,” she replied. “I just,” she shook her head, disappointment sagging her shoulders, “I was looking forward to this, you know?”
Gina gave her friend a sympathetic look. “I know,” she said softly.
“I really thought this was it, that this would finally be it. The time when I got to have my baby, safe and healthy, and alive. But now you’re saying if I go ahead and do this now, I might not carry the baby to term, is that correct?”
Gina nodded. “Yes, that’s correct.”
“And it will just be like three years ago all over again,” Luna added, dejected.
Gina stretched her hand across her desk to lay it over Luna’s. “I am so sorry.”
Luna looked at Gina. “What is the cause? I mean, what caused my cervix to be weak again? Was it something I did, something I ate? I know you guys don’t have a surefire answer for it, but do you know?”
Gina withdrew her hand to fold both over her desk, she looked thoughtful.
“Well, like you said, we don’t have a surefire answer when it comes to the cervix and the causes of its weakness, but we have theories. Most of them are the common ones, you know, like imbalanced diet, malnourishment, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and just basically hard substances. And these are definitely not what caused yours, you take good care of your body. You take such good care of your body that I dare say you are even healthier than a newborn baby.”
Luna managed a small smile for Gina, she wrung her hands together on her lap.
“So what’s the other cause?” Luna asked.
Dr. Gina blew out a breath, she sat up straighter in her chair. “Well, I guess you can say that one is also a common one. Stress,” she added, looking at Luna. “Have you been stressed lately, Luna? Work? Your company? Managing it all?”
Luna looked back at Gina too. “Maybe,” she replied.
“Most of the time, stress is always the cause for the weakening of the cervix. Especially with healthy women like you. You might not even know you’re taxing yourself, but it’s showing in your body in ways that are undeniable.”
Worried, Luna stood up from her chair, she walked over to the window in the office overlooking the streets down below.
“I cannot believe I let something like work get in the way of having my baby,” she said, shaking her head. “I mean, I have been preparing for this for a whole year. We-” she wiggled her fingers back and forth between her and Gina, “have been preparing, taking every precaution, working every step, implementing every solution. And we’ve been very careful too.”
Gina nodded, smiling a little. “I know, I was there.”
Luna let her hands drop to her sides. “And now I have ruined everything because I have been too busy having board meetings and going to parties.”
Gina stood up from her chair too. “Well, I wouldn’t say you’ve ruined it, you have not ruined anything, Luna. The process isn’t undoable forever, it’s just for the main time, until we’re certain your cervix is strong enough again to carry your baby to term. It’s just a precaution, for your safety.” Gina walked out from behind her desk. “And, when I say stress, I don’t necessarily, and only, mean physical stress. It could be emotional stress too, emotional stress is far more dangerous to your health than even physical sometimes.” She stared at Luna, concern shining in her eyes. “Have you been emotionally stressed lately, Luna?” she asked softly.
Luna wrung her hands together again at Gina’s question. She toyed with the pendant around her neck, her mind immediately going to Justin. The night after the party, when she opened her door to find Justin standing in her doorway. The kiss.
Luna turned away from Gina’s gaze, she looked out of the window at the busy street down below. The cars passing by, people walking fast to and from whatever places they had to be or leave. And no matter how much she stared at the bustling activities, she knew nothing could drown out the memory of the kiss she’d shared with Justin.
The kiss that had both brought her back to life, and killed her all over again at the same time.
“Maybe I have been stressed emotionally too,” Luna finally replied to Gina, her back still turned to her. “There has been a lot on my mind these past few days, a lot of emotions all tangled up inside me in a messy knot. I’ve been thinking a lot lately, trying to untangle these feelings and sort through them.”
“Well, that’s good,” Gina replied from behind Luna. “It’s good to sort through your feelings, and not let them be entangled in your mind. It’s when they entangled, that’s when they’re a danger to you and your baby.”
Luna turned to look at Gina.
“I think what you’re doing is worrying,” Gina suggested softly. She shifts her shoulders lightly. “Well, more worrying than sorting anyway. Because if you were sorting through your feelings, then you would have peace. And if you have peace, then you wouldn’t be emotionally stressed.”
She paused, Luna ruminated on that.
“You need to truly sort through those feelings, Luna, so you can put them aside.”