CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

I thank Thomas for walking me to my room before turning the doorknob and stepping inside. I expect him to walk over to his room, but instead, he follows me into my room. As I turn around to ask him if he needs something, my words get cut off because he begins to walk me towards the bed. He makes me sit on the bed, bends down, and takes my right foot in his hand.

'What are you doing?" I ask as he holds my foot in his hand.

'How are you feeling?" He asks, taking off my heel.

'You don't have to do that. I am fine" I try to take my right leg out of his palm, but he holds it tight. He massages it a little and releases it after leaving a little kiss on it. He must be asking if I am feeling better after my little breakdown earlier tonight.

'That's good to hear" He picks up my left foot and takes off my heels. He begins to massage both feet as they rest on the ground. I stare at him, wondering if this is the same Thomas from a few months ago. I can't believe the same man massaging my feet right now is the same person that did all those horrible things to me a few months ago. It's like they are two different people.

'You know you don't have to do this, right" I try to pull my feet out of his grasp, but he doesn't let go.

'I know, I want to" He massages it for a few more seconds before giving them one final peck.

'Thank you" I stand up and walk to my vanity table to take off my jewelry.

'Are you going to shower or soak a little in the bathtub before bed?"

'I am planning to soak a little in the tub."

'Alright" He begins to walk to the bathroom after he says that. I wonder what he is going to do in my bathroom. I ignore him and begin to take off my jewelry. I also wipe off my makeup.

While struggling to unzip my dress Thomas walks out of the bathroom and helps me. His knuckles lightly brush my spine as he pulls the zip down. I arch my back a little as shivers run down my back as his hand touches my skin. I lock eyes with him momentarily through the mirror as my eyes snap shut the second his lips touch my neck. He begins to leave hot wet kisses down my neck to my shoulders.

'Così Bello (So beautiful)," Thomas whispers, kissing his way down my back. The second his lip touch one of the scars on my back, my eyes shoot open, and reality hits me. I quickly turn around and face him. I hold the back of my dress with one hand and use the other to push him away.

'Did I do something wrong, Mi amore?" Thomas grabs my hand on his chest and kisses it. He kisses each of my fingers and takes his time kissing his way up my shoulders. My eyes roll to the back of my head the second his lips hit the spot on my neck. I pull my legs together as I begin to feel moist between my legs.

'Thom" The words get cut off as Thomas smashes his lips with mine. My eyes snap shut, and my hand rests on his chest. I contemplate pushing him away or kissing him back. His left-hand wraps around my lower back, pulling me flush against him. My lower region gets in contact with his, and I feel him hard against my belly. His right-hand goes into my hair, fisting it in his hand as he pushes my face closer to his, and deepens our kiss. I give up the idea of pushing him away and wrap my hand around his neck. My lips part open as he grabs my butt and squeezes hard. His tongue invades my mouth, and I fight him as he tries to dominate my mouth. His right-hand leaves my hair and joins his other hand on my butt. He grabs my butt and lifts me off the ground. He places me on the vanity table with his lips still against mine.

'Thomas," I moan as he begins to kiss my jaw and work his way to my neck. I close my eyes and enjoy the burning sensation of his lips on my skin.

'Così fottutamente Bello (So fucking beautiful)," Thomas says as he kisses every inch of my skin.

He brings his hand to my shoulders and pulls my dress down. The second a chill passes through my body from being naked. I push Thomas away from me and get off the vanity table. I pick up my dress and quickly cover my body.

'Please leave" I use my hand to hold my dress since it's a little hard for me to zip on my own

'Did I do something wrong?" Thomas asks, worried he might. He steps closer to me, but I back away from him.

'No, I just want to be alone" I bite my lips as I feel tears begin to sting the back of my eyes.

'Mi amore, please tell me what I have done wrong" He tries to reach for my arm, but I push it behind my back before he can reach it.

'Nothing" I can feel my voice threatening to crack as I speak. Thomas needs to leave before I break down in front of him.

'It can't be ‘nothing.' You won't even allow me close to you. I must have done something wrong. Please tell me what so I can fix it."

'I said you did nothing wrong, so please leave. I just want to be alone!" I say in a harsh tone. Thomas is taken back by my tone. He opens his mouth to say something but chooses to keep it to himself.

'I don't know what I did, but I am truly sorry for whatever it is, Mi amore. I will leave you alone now since that's what you want."

'Thank you" I turn away from him, and a tear drop falls from my eyes. I hear as he walks to the door.

'I ran you a bath; make sure it's still warm before you get it. Good night Mi amore" He says before closing the door after him.

As the door closes, the tears begin to fall. I release my dress and allow it to drop to the ground. I stare at my scared-filled body, and more tears fill my eyes. I know how much Thomas is disgusted by my scars. He made it clear that day. I turn around and try to check out my back in the mirror. Even if Thomas wasn't disgusted before, he would definitely be now. My back looks horrible with my scars from the whip. James whipped my skin bad; words can't even describe how it looks even though it's healed now. I pull my hand into a fist and use it to muff my cries. I fear Thomas would hear me, and I don't want him to. I can't dare explain why I am naked and crying. It's bad enough that I can never let him see me naked in this life again. He would be disgusted beyond words once he sees my back. I can bet all the attraction he feels for me would fly out the window the second he does.

It's bad enough I don't even know what to do with my feelings for him. I can't refuse his touch. I don't know if I want to be with him again and now this. Even if I decide to be with him, it won't be possible because Thomas will leave me once he sees me naked again. Even if I choose not to be with him, I doubt any man in this world would want someone like me. My body is so disgusting with all the scars on it. No one would ever want to be with me, no one.

I walk to the bathroom and go under the shower. I pick up the sponge, put some bath wash on it, and scrub my body. I truly wish I could wash off my scars. My tears get mixed in with the water as I cry under the shower. I stare at the ground and notice something odd. Unknowing to me, I scrubbed a little too hard. I only noticed because the water on the floor mixed with my blood. I throw the sponge away, quickly rinse my body and step out of the bathroom before I decorate my body with blisters.

I put on a full-length PJ and walk to my bed to get some sleep. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. I cry more and only stop once I become too exhausted to cry and sleep overtakes me.