Chapter 30-1

I was afraid to open my eyes. I didn't want to see what had been waiting for me on the other side of that door. But I had had enough of this darkness. Enough for a lifetime. I wanted the light, where it was easier to see, in more ways than one. No, I was ready for the sun again. I just needed to find the strength to move. "You can open your eyes, you know." I recognized that voice. I felt a flood of relief hearing it. "You're safe now." "Death?" "Yeah, it's me, kid." I sucked in a deep breath, wary even though Death was with me, and opened my eyes. We were sitting on a bench on one of the trails in Central Park. The sun had just set, and there was an orangish tint to the sky overhead. The people around us were carrying on about their lives like they did every day. Like everything hadn't just completely changed forever. Nothing was ever going to be the same again. Death, sitting to my left, had stretched out his legs in front of him, leaned back against the bench. He was still holding his side as if in pain, but I could see that the bruises on his face were gone, as well as the cut that had been bleeding a considerable amount. It felt so odd to be sitting there, in Central Park, after the things I had just witnessed. Yet at the same time, I was grateful for the familiarity. The city I knew. Nightmares? Not so much. Death blew out a heavy sigh as he shifted on the bench, rummaging around in his coat pocket, and then came up with a pack of smokes that he held out to me. I accepted one without thinking, using my zippo to light up before passing it off to Death. We sat there in silence, like we were just two pals lounging around, smoking, until we moved on to whatever struck our fancy next. There was no way we weren't going to talk about what had just happened. It felt as if we were pretending nothing was wrong for the moment. It wasn't until we had both finished our cigarettes that I decided to disturb the quiet. "How long were we in that place?" "Not too long. Two days, at the most." That was a relief. If luck was on my side, then my family was safe. I would be seeing them soon. "So. Your name is Aleph?" Death frowned, looking uncomfortable as he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. "I've been called Death for so long I'd almost forgotten my real name." I found it almost impossible to believe that Death had had a previous life before the one he was living now. His face was usually always void of emotion, unless he was smirking, that it was difficult to tell there was anything underneath it all. I felt guilt bubbling in my stomach, realizing I had always thought of him as a thing, rather than a person. Just because he wasn't human didn't mean that he wasn't a person capable of feeling. And seeing him with Lucrezia for those few short minutes...it was obvious that he felt very much. "If it helps any, I'm still going to call you Death," I told him. "Aleph just seems..." Death gave a grim smile. "That was another lifetime ago. I haven't been Aleph for a very long time." I had no way of comparing who he was now and who he had once been. The ones that knew had probably long since been dead. I would have to accept it as the truth. "Just how old are you, Death?" I found myself asking without thinking. "Christ, I can't remember." He pulled another cigarette out of his pocket and used my zippo to light up. "Memories start to fade in enough time." Not all of them, I wanted to say. He took a long drag on the cigarette and tilted his head back, exhaling a large cloud of smoke. "I only remember very little from my human life. I know I was born in the Middle East, a few decades before the birth of Christ, I think. I had sisters. That's about it." I felt my jaw dropping in disbelief. If what Death was saying was true, that he was born shortly before Christ, then that made him over two thousand years old. Holy shit. The man was a walking, talking history book. "Oh. I'm...I'm..." A part of me wanted to apologize. Death had lost so much. I knew what it was like to lose things, but never like what Death had lost. From where I was sitting, it seemed as if Death had lost everything. "Sorry." "Eh." Death shrugged a shoulder, like this was no big deal. "I kept watch over them until they died. They had good lives." "So..." I tried to think of a question that I could ask without offending him, or bringing up some old memory that he would rather forget, but it was difficult. There was so much that I wanted to know. "So, how did you become an angel?" Death shrugged again, taking a long drag on his cigarette. "I don't know. Never did know. And after I Fell, most of what I knew I forgot. My memory was erased." "Why did you Fall?" I asked without thinking. "I thought the only angel that Fell was Lucifer." "He was," Death agreed. "And his followers. If one of my kind break the rules, like I did, then they're cast out." He paused, flicking a bit of ash off his cigarette. "But I Fell because of Lucrezia." He chucked his cigarette on the ground and then pulled up the sleeve of his coat, running his finger over the black symbols that crisscrossed all over his skin. "My transgressions against Heaven." I leaned closer to inspect them further, then just as quickly pulled back. I had thought they were tattoos, but I was very wrong. They were blackened, raised burn scars. "Jesus," I muttered. "That's sick." "Heaven is a little old fashioned." "More like barbaric." Death gave a quiet chuckle, pulling down the sleeve of his coat, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why did you..." I took a deep breath, struggling to find the right words. "I mean, why did..." "You mean, why did I Fall because of Lucrezia?" Death supplied. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I didn't understand how he could say her name so easily. Not after what had just happened. Death blew out a sigh and sat staring straight ahead for quite some time, not saying anything. When he finally did speak, his voice was much quieter than it had been before. "Because I was alone. I was tired of reaping souls. I wasn't necessarily killing, but I was still taking lives. That kind of thing starts to eat at you after the first few centuries. And despite what I was, everything that I'd done, she loved me." He paused there, his mouth turned down in a frown. His fingers were tapping out a fast rhythm against his arm. "I think that was the craziest thing about it all. She was able to love something like me." There was a quiet pain that I could see brimming in Death's eyes, even in the growing darkness, that I was pretty sure I understood. I knew what it was like to be loved by someone you thought you would never deserve. "I know it doesn't...it doesn't mean much coming from me," I said slowly, "but for what it's worth? She still loves you. Any idiot could see that." Death gave a short laugh, glancing over at me. "I swear God only knows why she does." "I don't think that's true," I said. "You're not human, sure. But you're a great man. Lucrezia married a great man." Even though Death was probably always going to remain a mystery to me, that much I did know about him. "Oh, Archer." Death gave me a look that managed to seem both amused and annoyed. "You're making me blush." For the first time in what felt like a long time, the laugh that escaped from me was genuine. "You're so freakishly pale, Death, I think it's physically impossible for you to blush."