Chapter 75 Chapter Thirty-Five Part Three - Orenda
I take a deep breath, taking in the room once more. On one hand, he captured the style of my room back home perfectly, only far more elevated. I’m touched and amazed he put so much thought into this. He even chose the colours of my feathers for crying out loud! The blue in my feathers might not be navy, but he picked the perfect cool shade of blue that I find comforting. On the other hand…I can’t help but feel sad and a little hurt.
“I knew I was pushing too far,” he groans, scrubbing his hands down his face.
I look at him gently. “A simple glance at my thoughts would tell you that’s not what I’m thinking.”
His expression turns surprised. “I haven’t wanted you to feel like I’m intruding,” he admits.
I smile graciously at his consideration. “The room is perfect, Azadou, I genuinely can’t find any fault with it.”
“But?”
I bite my lip, looking away as I hold back tears not brought on by sorrow or joy, but none other than stupid hormones. How can I explain that I’m sad he made a separate room for me away from him? He’s gone to all this effort, and I am so very grateful. I know this is ridiculous and irrational, but I can’t stop the feeling like he’s still keeping me at arm’s length.
I suddenly feel Azadou’s hands on my face, his thumbs gently brushing away my tears as he looks down at me with shocked eyes. “Orenda, I’m not trying to keep you at arm’s length,” he breathes out, sounding taken aback. “I thought if I even so much as suggested sharing a room, you’d feel I was pushing things too far, too fast. I know I still have a ways to go to earn your trust and hopefully your heart, so I didn’t want to force anything. I just wanted you to feel welcome and know that I want you here.”
His words touch me deeply and only spur the tears on. “I know,” I blubber. “I can see why you did it, and I can’t tell you how touched and moved I am. It’s just these stupid hormones fuelling my insecurities,” I admit with a sniffle as his thumbs capture more tears.
His expression turns sympathetic as he wraps his arms around me and holds me close. I lean against him, letting his embrace comfort me and take the pressure off my feet and back.
“I would love nothing more than for you and our baby to live here with me, and I would be elated if you were willing to share a room with me. I just don’t want to push you. If you said no, I could still conjure up the same nursery at your home. I’ll do whatever you’re most comfortable with,” he assures me, tenderly caressing my back and hair.
I sniff, leaning my head against his chest. “The crazy thing is, I am comfortable with the thought of living with you. I love the idea of sharing a home and raising this baby together under the same roof. I thought I would need more time to feel safe around you or to feel like there was a future for us, but I don’t. You’ve been by my side constantly, taking care of me and the baby, and even my brother. You’ve been so caring and devoted that it’s so hard to look at you and see the man from a couple months ago who left me feeling broken. I don’t feel broken anymore, I feel hopeful, and that’s greatly in part because of you.”
“D-Does that mean if I asked you to stay, you would?” he cautiously asks, his heart pounding furiously under my ear.
I sigh and look up at him, feeling conflicted. “I want to say yes, but…I just can’t abandon my brother, especially not now. I can’t leave him all alone when he’s going through such a hard time, not after everything he has done for me, and even if that wasn’t the case…Ayawamat and I have been by each other’s sides for thousands of years. I don’t think I know how to live apart from him, and I don’t really want to know if I’m being completely honest.”
Azadou smiles softly, looking down at me as he caresses my cheek. “I’m glad to see I’m learning to understand and predict what you’ll say,” he says soft and playfully. My brows knit together, a perplexed expression coating my features. “It doesn’t take a God to know how close you two are or how cruel it would be to tear you away from him; cruel to both of you. So, I may have created a room for Ayawamat as well,” he informs me, trying to look casual.
My eyes widen to the point that if a breeze blew by, I’d probably be able to feel it in the back of my eye sockets.
“You created a room for my brother, too?” I squeak in disbelief.
“It’s obvious you come as a packaged deal,” he shrugs. “I want you here and I want you happy, and if that means having him here too, then I am fine with that. Besides, it would be good for the baby to have more positive influences around.” He places a tender hand on my belly, his thumb brushing against the fabric of my dress affectionately, that familiar worry lingering in his eyes.
My face softens as I place my hand over his. He’s not just doing this for me; he’s doing this for himself. He still sees himself as a potential danger to the baby and thinks if he surrounds the baby with enough light and goodness that it will protect them from his malice. No matter what I say, I can’t seem to quell this fear he has. I think only time and seeing it for himself will truly ease his mind.
“Thank you,” I murmur sincerely, caressing his hand on my belly. “For all of this. The nursery, the rooms for me and Aya, and the profound consideration for me, my brother, and our baby. I don’t recognise the man in front of me as the Azadou I once knew, but I admire him and appreciate him all the same. It might take a little convincing, but if Aya is onboard, then I will happily move in here with you,” I declare enthusiastically.
He blinks rapidly, his eyes searching mine. “You will?”
“I think I’m ready for a change, and I can’t think of a better change than creating a home and future for our family,” I proclaim.
Azadou holds me tighter, but carefully, as he buries his nose in my hair. “I don’t deserve you or all the chances you have given me, but I promise to never stop showing you how grateful I am for them. I swear to do everything in my power to make sure you never experience a day or even a minute of regret,” he vows.
I smile warmly, holding him tight and nuzzling his chest. I don’t need a bond to know that I’m making the right choice. It’s not my essram screaming out to be with him, although on some level it has been since the day we were reunited. This is all me and the fact that I want this. I want to leave the pain and hardship in the past and step into the future surrounded by those I care about most. And I mean, really? Who turns down the chance to live in a mansion?