Chapter 41 Chapter Twenty Part Two - Orenda
As if the growing void sucking the life from my fatigued body wasn’t bad enough, I get to add crippling guilt to my list of woes. Every day Ayawamat is at my side, tending to me and trying to uplift me. Instead of living, he’s wasting his time watching me waste away. Every second that passes, I try to fight off the emptiness. I try to cling to the broken shards of my shattered essram hoping I’m strong enough to survive this. If not for me, then for my brother. If I die…he’d be all alone. That thought pains me almost as much as the aftermath of rejection.
There are moments where I feel myself being sucked into oblivion, the frigid nothingness taking hold and refusing to let go, and just when I find myself surrendering to it, I feel this charge from deep within. I can’t explain it, but it’s like an electric paddle to the soul. It doesn’t last, but when it strikes; for the briefest moment I feel the warrior in me resurge, her voice strong and commanding, telling me not to give up and that I can fight this, and then when that voice disappears, I have my brother.
I was actually glad when he said he was leaving the house. Not for me, but for him. I don’t want him feeling like he can’t leave me; like the second he leaves I’ll croak. I want him to be able to go out into the world, even if it’s only for groceries. I don’t like feeling like I’m burdening him or robbing him of his independence. Not sure if anyone has noticed, but my brother is the definition of a free spirit.
The moment he leaves, I let myself drift off to sleep. Sleep is the only time I get a reprieve from the agony that has taken hold of my body and essram. I try to talk to Aya while I’m awake – to give him comfort and reassurance – but it takes so much out of me. Even speaking through our link is strenuous, so the chance for a 30 or 40-minute nap is greatly welcomed.
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep when I feel gentle fingers stroking my cheeks. I feel myself caught in a tug-of-war between awake and asleep, but eventually, consciousness wins. I force my eyes open, but I’m shocked when instead of seeing the warm and worried face of my brother looking back at me, I see the face of my friend, Invidia, her deep eyes as dark as the ocean in the middle of the night looking back at me with intensity.
“Invidia?” I weakly query in a whisper, confused as to why she’s here or how she even knew where I lived. I know makkares can scry for people with their magic, but that requires her to have something that belongs to me or has been touched by my magic.
“Of all the things I expected when I arrived, this was not one of them,” she murmurs, the backs of her fingers softly caressing my cheek in a comforting gesture, but I don’t find myself soothed by it at all.
As I stare at her – my mind racing with a hundred questions – I see her eyes gleam with excitement and her mouth pull up into an elated grin that has a wave of unease crashing inside my stomach.
She lets out a brief, hysterical laugh and quickly covers her mouth, shaking her head as if to calm herself down. “I can’t believe how easy this is going to be,” she beams, her bone-white beach waves bouncing around her face, emphasizing her joy.
For the first time in a week, I want to get up. I want to summon every ounce of my strength, get out of this bed and demand to know why she’s here. I want to conjure the force of the skies and make her give me answers. I don’t know how, but with shaky arms I manage to force myself to sit up, her eyes following my every movement with keen interest as she steps back. She’s not acting remotely like herself. Her personality and overall demeanour are so different from what I’ve come to expect from her that I’m not even sure if this is the real Invidia standing before me.
“Why…are you here?” I force out with great exertion as I try to stand up.
I’m barely up before I feel like I’ve been zapped of all my strength, my eyes drooping and my knees giving out from under me. Instead of landing on the floor, Invidia catches me with ease. She doesn’t just catch me, she lifts me into her arms, cradling my body as if I weighed no more than a feather. I look up at her through blurry eyes, my confusion and astonishment pushing through the fatigue as I feel her carrying me off somewhere.
I try to speak; to protest; to do anything, but I can’t.
I feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness, and in my brief moments of lucidity, I no longer recognise my surroundings. I feel myself lying on something cold and hard, followed by the feeling of something cold and heavy around my wrists. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly get any weaker, I do.
I feel the last flicker of my energy get snuffed out, plunging me into darkness as a soft, gleeful voice cackles, “I finally have you where I want you.”