Chapter 38 Chapter Eighteen - Orenda
I was wrong.
I’ve always said that to encounter the eyti is to experience true purgatory, but I was wrong. I now realise that the eyti are more than just shadows of the humans they once were. They are not the epitome of purgatory; they are merely shadows of it. I believed the haunting, empty coldness they leave in their wake was the worst kind of emptiness a person could feel, but as I lay here on the jagged rocks – my essram shattered into infinite pieces as my body barely clings to life – I realise that this is true emptiness.
Pain and exhaustion circulate through my body on an unrelenting loop, my eyes too tired to remain open. The devastating feelings of despair and loneliness are so consuming they have erased every happy memory from my mind. I can’t even remember the sensation of happiness, to the point that as I lay here, feeling the life draining from me, I begin to question if it ever existed, or if I imagined it.
As the darkness begins to take over, a sudden jolt of electricity shoots through my body, forcing my eyes to open and my lungs to gasp for air as if I’ve just been hit with a defibrillator. I take a shuddering breath as something in the back of my mind urges me not to give up; like a tiny spark of hope fighting back against the darkness. I cling to the feeling. I cling to the tiny spark like a life raft in the middle of a cold, dark sea, and do the only thing I can think of.
“Jar…tre…” I call in a broken whisper.
The air around me suddenly turns thick, zinging with static electricity and a hint of relief touches the tender shards of my essram.
“Orenda…” I hear his deep voice choke with worry.
I feel his large, warm hands on my face, holding my head tenderly as if he were handling a fragile piece of glass. It’s ironic really. He’s being so careful with me; afraid I will break and fall apart, not realising I’m already broken beyond repair.
I feel my body become weightless as he cradles me against his warm, yet steely chest. I try to bury myself against him and take comfort in his warmth and his rainstorm scent, but I can’t bring myself to move a muscle.
“I’m taking you home,” he tells me, his lips pressing softly against my forehead.
“You…were right,” I force out, my voice softer than a whisper, but I know his ears can hear me perfectly.
“Don’t talk, just save your strength,” he urges, his tone soft and paternal.
I do as he says, but not before I feel tears slowly trickling down my cheeks.
۩AYAWAMAT۩
I stare at the television in a daze, my eyes unfocused as the sounds coming from it get automatically filtered out of my brain while my knee bobs anxiously. Everything around me feels non-existent as my mind races, overrun with worrying thoughts about Orenda.
Orenda and I began life at exactly the same moment down to the millisecond, and while we’re not twins in the biological sense, or even spiritual, we have always felt like that’s what we were. Despite that, Orenda has always fallen into the role of the protective older sister; keeping me in line, scolding me when I misbehave and getting endlessly frustrated by my antics. I know a lot of people would find that shit annoying or to be a giant pain in the tailfeather, but I love it! Those qualities that others consider a nuisance have always brought me comfort. They’re all ways she shows she cares about me.
From day dot, Orenda has always been full of life and joy; she’s someone who can appreciate the tiniest things that others overlook and find the good in just about anything. So, to see my beautiful, joyful, radiant sister, reduced to heartbroken sobs so violent she nearly passes out, has me shaking with worry and steaming in anger.
I had my apprehension about Azadou. I saw what he did on the battlefield all those months ago and I know good and well how he came to be. I feared he’d corrupt Orenda; tainting her light by turning her into something dark and sinister where I’d lose her forever…but knowing how he has been treating her, suddenly what was my greatest fear now feels like a best-case scenario. I expected him to reject her. I even expected him to break her heart, but I never actually thought he’d physically hurt her. I may not have witnessed it, but seeing my sister looking so ashamed and broken was enough to paint a gruesome picture in my mind.
I stare, unseeing, at the television, seconds feeling like hours as I think about what might be happening at this very moment. The daze quickly lifts when a familiar heavy energy suddenly comes over the house, the air buzzing with electricity.
“AYAWAMAT!” Jartre’s thunderous voice booms from upstairs, piercing the air like lightning.
I race up the stairs, following the pull of my maker to Orenda’s room. I burst through the door, my heart pounding only to drop to my toes when I see Jartre carefully placing Orenda on the bed. My body goes numb, my lungs forgetting how to work as I take in the corpse-like state of my sister.
“Is she…” I trail off, my voice trembling as I fear his answer.
“She’s alive. For now,” he answers gravely, freeing my heart from the dread that was strangling it.
Jartre sniffs the air, his nostrils flaring and his silver eyes narrowing. In a second, all of Orenda’s bedding is replaced, and her dress is replaced by cosy sleepwear as she’s bundled up under a thick blanket that Jartre tenderly tucks around her. I walk over, my eyes burning from unshed tears as I carefully sit on the edge of the bed. I reach out and softly caress the top of her head, my heart lodging itself in my throat as I feel how cold she is to the touch.
“What’s wrong with her?” I ask, my voice a strangled mix of anger and sorrow.
Jartre stands up straight, looking down at Orenda with a guilty expression. “She rejected him.”
My eyes widen in disbelief. I know I’d made those stupid remarks about rejection, but I never meant them. I know the ramifications of rejection. I only said those stupid things out of frustration. I know she was broken and unsure of what to do about Azadou, but my sister would never ever resort to rejection unless she had absolutely no choice.
“What happened?” I press, looking Orenda over, her usual burnt sienna complexion now a sickly grey and her breathing so shallow it’s almost undetectable.
Jartre’s fists clench at his sides. “This is my fault…”
I look up at him, my eyes narrowing in frustration as my tolerance level quickly depletes to zero. “Jartre, I don’t give a fuck about you and your issues right now and I don’t want to hear you go off on some self-deprecating monologue where you make what my sister is going through about yourself. Just cut to the chase and tell me what the fuck happened!” I snap at him. He may be my maker and a God, but I don’t give a flying fuck. All that matters to me right now is my sister and knowing if she’s going to be okay.
Jartre stares down at me, stunned. He composes himself and nods in acceptance. “Azadou…he snapped. I went to him to try and work things, out and I thought for a split second I was getting through to him, even if it was just a little bit…but then something in him shifted. I guess I said the wrong thing. He sent me away and by the time I was able to return to Earth…I could feel Orenda’s life force slipping away. She called for me and I found her like this. I knew immediately what had happened. I could feel it in her,” hhe utters, his voice pained. “I could feel his energy all around and I saw the destruction he had caused and the people he killed,” he adds, his eyes closing in shame.
I look back down at Orenda, tenderly stroking my thumb against her forehead, the rejection now making sense. Up until now, Azadou had never taken a human life, at least not in the conventional sense. He’d never deliberately taken his anger out on humans. Even when I think back to the battle, he wasn’t going out of his way to hurt and target the humans on the field; his sole focus was the Gods. Orenda could accept his nature and overlook his past actions, but him crossing that line is something I know she couldn’t have accepted or forgiven. I know how hard a decision that must have been for her, and I hate that she was forced to make it. I hate that she’s been reduced to this state all so she could be free of her bond to him.
“She’ll be okay though, won’t she?” I question apprehensively. I hear Jartre’s intake of breath, looking up at him as his expression fills with dread. “Jartre? She’s going to be okay, right?” I press, desperation coating my words.
“I don’t know, Aya,” he replies sorrowfully. “Honestly, I don’t even know how she’s alive right now,” he says, glancing at Orenda, looking more confused than hopeful.
“But that’s a good sign. The fact she’s still alive means she’s strong and she’ll pull through this,” I say forcefully, trying desperately to will my words into reality.
“A God’s rejection should be fatal. I may not know what rejection feels like, but I do know how it feels to have your bond shattered,” he explains, a haunted look in his eyes. “It was the closest I ever came to knowing death. Orenda is clinging to life…but I don’t know how long she can keep that up,” she sighs, lowering his head.
“We were made from you; she carries an essram just like you and the rest of the Gods. If an essram is stronger than a soul, then that should be what saves her,” I hypothesize in desperation.
Jartre looks at me, his eyes filling with sympathy. “Having an essram is the very reason the rejection was so catastrophic. Even humans and supernaturals have died from it. Some quickly, others over time. I want to believe she’ll survive, but I don’t want to give you false hope.”
I glare up at him, my vision becoming blurry as tears fill my eyes. “I don’t give a fuck what you want. She’s my sister, and I believe she’ll pull through this…I have to believe that,” I add quietly, my voice breaking.
Jartre reaches out and clasps my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. “Then we’ll hope and be there for her,” he promises.
“Can’t Zarseti or Oshmin do something to help her?” I beg.
Jartre shakes his head despondently. “Zarseti’s gift doesn’t work like that and while Oshmin can restore souls, he can’t heal a broken one.”
“Then what fucking good are any of you? If Zarseti had just left my sister alone this wouldn’t be happening. If Orenda dies because of her stupid bond I will never forgive her and so help me, I will find a way to lock Azadou back into the Earth so deep he’ll never be able to crawl his way back out,” I snarl venomously through gritted teeth.
“I know you’re hurting, Ayawamat, but you’re not that person. Don’t let your pain turn into malice like I once did,” he implores. “Orenda wouldn’t want that for you and neither do I. Just focus on taking care of her,” he encourages.
I look back at Orenda as I feel the tears begin a slow stream down my cheeks. I tenderly stroke her cheek, knowing that he’s right. Having Orenda by my side has been the greatest gift I could ever have asked for. Never once in the thousands of years we’ve been alive have I ever thought there might come a day when I’d lose her. It wasn’t even fathomable to me. But as I look down at her in this fragile state, that possibility now stares back at me, haunting me like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. Orenda has looked out for me our whole lives, now it’s my turn to look out for her. I don’t care what it takes, I will make sure she pulls through this.
“You’re going to be okay, Orenda. I’m not going anywhere,” I vow, leaning in, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek and laying my forehead against hers.
Orenda is strong. If there’s anyone who can survive this, it’s her.