Chapter 81 Chapter Eighty-One - Jartre

Chapter 81 Chapter Eighty-One - Jartre
Whoever said exposure therapy was ideal for curing people of their fears was a sadistic fucking cunt.

From the moment I met Gabriella, my greatest fear was that I would lose her. Whether it be at my own hands or due to her humanity. Nothing could have prepared me for what it would be like to feel her life slip away from mine; to feel her soul leave her body and to hold her corpse in my arms. That pain will haunt me for the rest of my life and as an immortal being, that means this ghost will be with me always.

I look down at Gabriella as she sleeps peacefully on her bed, her mind needing to recharge from all that has overwhelmed it today. I can feel in my essram that she is still the same Gabriella at her core, but I can’t help still feeling a sense of loss. I carefully reach out, picking up a lock of her dark, forest-green hair and run it between my fingers. It has the same luminous quality Fretez’s always had, and yet it seems more intense to my eyes, perhaps because of what she is to me. Her skin is even more radiant and perfectly flawless without a blemish or wrinkle to be seen. Her lashes are fuller, her cheekbones more pronounced but the features are ultimately still the same. She’s gone from an adorable 5’9” to a statuesque 7’7” which has only made the width of her hips, the swelling of her breasts and the curves of her ass all the more pronounced. She always was the most stunning beauty I had ever laid eyes on, but now…there are no words.

All the times I called her a Goddess, or said she was the light in my life, I had no idea how true those words were. I’ve called her my Starlight and now it makes perfect sense. Of course, she would be the next Goddess of Light. There is no soul I have ever encountered who was as warm as her. She truly radiated an inner light to everyone she encountered, and now she doesn’t just radiate it, she is it. I’m blessed and grateful to feel our bond once again, even if we’re back to where we started, but I can’t ease the upset within me. Just how much did she know about all this? How long was Zarseti plotting with her and leaving me in the dark?

Not wanting to disturb Gabriella’s sleep, I get up and make my way downstairs. I take in a slow, calming breath and utter one word, “Zarseti.”

Within a nano-second Zarseti appears before me, her silver eyes as calm as the energy blanketing this room as I fist my hands at my sides, my calming breath proving useless as I stare down my old friend.

She cocks her head to the side in fascination, “You can’t decide, can you?”

“Decide what?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“Whether you’re going to hit me or not. Your future keeps bouncing between the two because you can’t decide which path to choose,” she comments.

“How long have you known about all of this?”

“Since Fretez’s death,” she states.

“Thirty-thousand years…” I whisper in astonishment. “Thousands of years you’ve known this day would come. You knew Gabriella would come into my life, that happiness awaited me, and you said nothing. Gave me no hope to look forward to, and on top of that you plotted her death,” I say as my anger rises.

“Sacrifice was always to be the final step in her evolution, but that’s not a step I can take for her or force upon her. She made her choice willingly, and she did it for you.”

“Because you put her in that position!” I whisper yell. “All these years you knew everything, and you said nothing,” I hiss.

“Billions of people on this Earth go about their lives never knowing what awaits them in the future. I am not obligated to tell you what yours or anyone else’s future holds, and you know that. I have told you that time and time again. If there was anyone I could have confided in, it certainly wouldn’t have been you,” she scoffs confidently.

“This was my life you were meddling in!” I exclaim, the anger and frustration rising inside me like a geyser.

“Don’t get mad at Zarseti,” announces a voice that acts like a tranquil song soothing my nerves. I look back to see Gabriella, her bright liquid-silver eyes shining in the dimly lit light of the loft as she walks down the stairs, now forced to mind her head from crashing through the ceiling. How the tables have turned. She comes to stand at the foot of the stairs giving Zarseti a gentle smile, “I’ll take it from here.”

I turn to face Gabriella as I feel Zarseti’s presence disappear. “I wasn’t done with her,” I snap.

“You’re lashing out at her because you’re angry with me, but you don’t want to lash out at me,” she says calmly.

“Did you see that in a vision?” I say in a snarky tone.

She sighs, and I can feel the echoes of her guilt and remorse through our partial bond. “Jartre, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I know the pain all of this caused you and it kills me. I promised to never hurt you and I did.”

“All the days and nights when I knew something was weighing on your mind, and not once did you say anything. When I would try to console you, to let you open up to me, and still you said nothing…”

“You said you believed that those with the gift of foresight are given such a gift because only they are strong enough to carry such a burden; that they know when that knowledge should be shared and when it can’t, so by your own admission, you know why I couldn’t say anything. Had I warned you or told you anything, you would have taken steps to put a stop to it and then where would we be? This was my destiny; this was our destiny, and I chose to embrace it. I just wish it didn’t cause you pain in the process,” she says remorsefully.

“You can never imagine what it was like to feel your life slip away…” I feel the tears brimming in my eyes. “To see you dead with no life or warmth in your eyes…”

“You’re right, I can’t! But for fuck sake Jartre, you’re not the only one suffering! You can’t imagine what it was like, to be a human who gets sat down by a Goddess and told the fate of the entire world rests on my shoulders; that I’m destined to be a Goddess myself and by the way I have to kill myself! For weeks I had to live with that in my head weighing up which choice I would make knowing that either way people would die and then keep it to myself because who the fuck could I vent to? I couldn’t tell you because you’d fly off the handle and try to stop it which would ruin everything, and I couldn’t tell my best friend because he’d have me fucking institutionalised.” She scrubs her hands down her face in frustration. “I am sympathetic to everything you went through because I know it was horrible and I’m sorry,” she says with tears in her eyes. “But could you at least have a little bit of compassion for me? I was there on that field! I watched you suffering and hurting yourself, and then I FUCKING DIED! Could you maybe cut me a fucking break?!” she yells, the walls of the loft shaking and dust falling from the ceiling.

I stare at her stunned for a moment before zipping over to Gabriella in less than a heartbeat, wrapping my arms around her and cradling her head against my shoulder. For the first time since knowing her, I hold her with all my strength, never wanting to let her go as I breathe in her scent. It’s not what it used to be. There’s a more intense scent of bubble gum and cream sickle but now along with it is the scent of a galaxy starburst. It’s still the most wonderful thing I have ever smelt in my life.

She puts her body weight on me, wrapping her arms tight around me and I can’t describe how wonderful it is to feel the pressure from her embrace. It’s bone-crushingly delightful! How much can change so fast. Her embrace was always glorious, but I could never feel the weight or pressure of her hugs or her body on mine. Now I feel it. I feel her need for me and for solace. I feel her strength and I feel her sorrow.

I tenderly stroke her hair as her muffled sniffles make their way to my ears. I softly kiss her temple. “I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear.

“I know,” she whispers back.

I pull back a little, looking down at her tear-filled eyes. I brush her hair from her face as I hold her head in my hands. “Talk to me. You’re right, I know this is a lot for you. It would be too much for anyone, but here you are standing strong and resilient as always. I’m sorry I was so wrapped up in my feelings as per fucking usual,” I grumble guiltily, pressing my forehead against hers.

“You have every right to feel the way you do,” she says with a shuddering breath. “It was traumatic for you.”

“Stop being so sweet, you can go back to screaming at me. I can take it.”

She chuckles, wiping the tears from her eyes. “It’s just a lot. It’s a lot to take in. I feel like…I’m grieving the woman I used to be.”

“You’re still you, Gabriella. A few powers and some aesthetic alterations don’t change the person you are inside. You’re still the woman I fell in love with,” I console her, reassuring her as much as I'm reassuring myself. I'll miss all the human qualities about her I came to love and appreciate, but as long as I have her, that's all that matters. I don't care what form she takes, she's still my Starlight.

“I know, but…that person was human, and I know what being human meant. I don’t know what it means to be a God, I wasn’t born this way. I feel like I’ve walked into some school exam, but I don’t know the subject and I never studied. There’s all this pressure on me and I don’t know how to process it.”

I nod slowly, taking in her words. “That makes sense. I’m adjusting too,” I say as I caress her cheek, her flesh scolding my fingers wonderfully. “It’ll take time, but I promise I’ll be here every step of the way. I’ll help you through this and if there’s one thing I’m sure of it, it’s that if anyone can adjust to all this craziness, it’s you.”

“It’s not just that,” she says quietly, her voice trembling as a single tear rolls down her cheek, the tear casting little rainbow refractions of light against her cheek as though she were crying diamonds.

“Then what is it?” I ask, gently wiping away her tear with my thumb.

“Innocent people died because of me,” she says remorsefully.

I shake my head furiously. “Don’t. You saved everyone. You stopped me from destroying the universe, you stopped me from destroying myself. You saved the others and everyone on the field. You didn’t kill anyone,” I say vehemently.

“I did! I knew that if I chose to complete our bond Azadou would be set free, and all of this would start. My choice cost people their lives!” she sobs, the anguish and hysteria seeping through our bond. She truly blames herself for the lives lost on that field, when if anyone is to blame it’s me all because I still don’t know how to process my own emotions.

I grasp her shoulders firmly and give her a shake, “Gabriella, stop! You made a choice because you are trying to reverse the damage I did. If anyone should feel remorse, it’s me. Not you! Don’t you fucking dare carry the burden of my actions, do you hear me? I will work at your side to do everything I can to make this right, I give you my word, but don’t you for a fucking minute blame yourself for what happened,” I say sternly, staring into her eyes.

“But I–”

“NO! You’ve told me time and time again to take accountability and that’s what I’m doing. You didn’t create Azadou. You didn’t start any of this. You’re trying to preserve our future and the future of all those lives who have been lost for thousands of years. I don’t want to hear another fucking word of you blaming yourself for any of this shit. Do you understand me?!” I bellow, my tone as forceful as I can make it without being aggressive.

She gulps and nods her head furiously, “Yes.”

“Yes, what?” I ask pointedly.

“Yes, I won’t…” she takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Blame myself.”

“That’s better.” I wrap her up in my arms, kissing the top of her head, loving the fact I no longer have to bend to reach it. “We’ll handle all of this together, I promise. I won’t fail you again. I’m sorry I let you down.”

She holds me tight, inhaling my scent into her lungs as she buries her face into the crook of my neck. “I’m sorry I died.”

I chuckle and let out a deep sigh. “I’m just glad you came back to me.”

“Please don’t fight with Zarseti, she’s been trying so hard to help everyone,” she pleads.

“Becoming quick friends I see,” I mutter.

“She saved my life,” she retorts.

“After ensuring it ended,” I counter.

She sighs, “Point is, she’s not the bad guy. She’s your friend. She just wants to give everyone their best chance, don’t hold this against her. She’s been carrying this burden all alone. Try seeing it from her side.”

“Ever the mediator,” I grumble, resting my cheek on top of her head. “How about we rest? I think both of us could use some sleep. We can figure the rest out later.”

“Can you at least promise not to start any more fights?”

I take in a deep breath. While I’ve always been quick to aggression, it’s not doing me or anyone else any favours. I was starting to improve but today’s events have certainly set me back, but I have to start somewhere, may as well be here.

“I promise not to start any unnecessary fights,” I promise.

“Key word being, ‘unnecessary’,” she says pointedly.

“I’m not sitting on the sidelines if you or someone else I care about requires my help, so yes, I will only fight if it is necessary.”

She thinks about it and nods in acceptance. “I can live with that.”

“Good, now let’s go sleep because I’ve never felt so drained in all my years.”

“Who knew the second strongest God in existence could get so tired?” she teases as she starts walking up the stairs, looking back at me with a smirk on her face.

I stare up at her gobsmacked. “Second? Who the fuck said second?” She ignores my questions and lies down on the bed as I rush up the stairs. “Excuse me, who the fuck said I was second?”