Chapter 26 Chapter Twenty-Six - Jartre
I allow Gabriella to lead me into the club’s back alley. I focus on the feeling of her hand in mine to calm myself down, but every time I do, I see her wrapped up in that human’s arms. It makes me want to open the Earth and watch this entire club and everyone in it sink into oblivion. He might be gay, but the hurt and rage I felt seeing them in each other’s arms… it was like walking in on Apaki all over again. I hate this. I feel so stupid and weak, no better than a human.
Then there’s Gabriella.
I saw the fear in her eyes. Under the haze of my rage, that look in those glacial mint eyes broke me inside. I don’t want her to fear me or ever feel unsafe around me. Perhaps I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions, but can I truly be blamed?
Once we’re alone in the alley, I wrap my arms around Gabriella, sighing when I feel her body relax against mine. I hold onto this feeling for just a moment longer before teleporting us to my estate. I gently caress her hair, trying to focus on being gentle in hopes I can counter the fear I unintentionally placed within her.
“We’re here,” I say gently.
She slowly pulls away and glances around with wide eyes. “You live in a mansion?!” she shrieks. I merely shrug in response. “Of course, you do. Why wouldn’t you?”
She wanders around taking in the living space, running her fingers along the furniture as she stares out the 20-foot-high curved glass windows, admiring the expansive back patio and pool illuminated by lights placed amongst the palm trees and inside the pool, giving the backyard an aqua glow.
“How big is this place?”
“2.5 acres.”
Her head whips to me in astonishment, “This must have cost a fortune!”
I quirk my eyebrow, “Still assuming I have a bank account, I see.”
“So, what, you just snapped your fingers and conjured up a mansion?” she snorts.
“Precisely,” I say matter-of-factly.
She stares at me in silence, her lips slowly forming an adorable pout. “I wanna be able to snap my fingers and conjure up a dream house. No fair.”
I chuckle and make my way over to her, “You can ask me for anything you want, and I would gladly give it to you,” I softly tell her, sincerity burning through my words. I’d give her every planet in the galaxy if she asked it of me. I’d do anything just to stop her from ever looking at me again the way she did in the club.
“How about trust?” she says, looking up at me, her eyes boring into mine.
I stare at her, completely frozen in place. Such simple words have never sounded so paralysing. Slowly I force my feet to move and walk over to the wet bar to pour myself a drink which I immediately down in one gulp.
“Are you really not going to say anything?”
“What would you like me to say?”
“You can start by explaining what the hell that was at the club. You just found out I got cheated on, and immediately you just assume I’m the type who would turn around and do that to someone else?” she asks, walking over and placing her hands on the bar top.
“I didn’t assume anything of the sort,” I say in irritation.
“Jartre, everything from your voice to your posture got extremely threatening. You saw something innocent and didn’t even wait for an explanation, you just jumped to thinking the worst of me and getting a look on your face like you hated me,” she says, looking hurt.
Her words pierce me like a celestial blood-tipped blade to the heart. That was never my intention. I never wanted her to feel that way.
“I don’t hate you; how can you even think that?” I ask, feeling wounded at the very thought.
“How can I think that?” she asks in disbelief, “Your behaviour made me think that. You scared me, scared the shit out of my friend, and even worse you assumed something about me that offends me to my core. I am not the kind of person who would ever cheat on anyone or ever cross such a boundary, no matter how fresh and new a relationship is. At the least you owe me an apology and an explanation because now I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to try to convince my friends I haven’t just walked into some toxic, abusive relationship,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I would rather die than hurt you, how dare you even suggest something of the sort!” I bellow, as the entire estate shakes from the force of my words.
“Oh, doing a wonderful job at selling that. Want to break a glass for good measure while you’re at it?” she mocks.
I rest my hands on the bar and take in slow, deep breaths through my nose. “You haven’t the faintest idea how deeply we Gods feel things. Or any other supernatural for that matter. To see another man with his arms around you…” I close my eyes as the pain of the image burns through my brain, mingling itself with the image of Apaki in bed with Oshmin. I ball my hands into fists begging the haunting memory to leave me be.
I hear her let out a sigh, “Jartre, you’ve already seen into his mind to know that he doesn’t want me that way nor I him. He was just taking the pressure off my feet. I don’t know if you’ve ever worn heels, but from a human perspective, they hurt like a bitch.” She reaches out, placing her hand on mine, her touch burning through my vessel, attempting to close the wounds buried within. “I’m just trying to understand you. Your anger scared me… but it was the pain in your eyes that scared me more.”
My head snaps up to see the compassion and concern filling her eyes. She saw pain in my eyes? How does this mere human see me so clearly? I know she’s my animai, but still… this bond is barely complete and yet she sees right through me as if my skin was nothing more than cellophane.
“It’s when you say things like that, that I feel selfish.” She frowns in confusion. “Spiritually, you’re mine. But a deep part of me tells me that I don’t deserve you and that I can’t have you. Yet the thought of another touching you makes me want to shatter the world,” I say, my face contorting as I hear the pain in my voice.
“So, what do you want then?” she gently asks.
“I want to crawl inside you and imprint myself on your soul,” I say, my eyes boring into hers, watching them widen with each word from my lips. “I want to make every part of you yearn for me, the way I do for you.”
She gulps, the sound almost echoing around the room. “You yearn for me?”
“And I wish I fucking didn’t,” I say, my jaw clenching as I walk out from around the bar, trying to put some space between us. I stare out the window, watching how the wind causes ripples across the pool's surface.
“You think because I’m human I couldn’t possibly understand how you feel,” she says, breaking the silence.
“You’re not built the same as I am.”
“Stop underestimating or assuming how I feel just because I’m human!” she exclaims, coming and placing her hand on my arm.
Had I not glanced down, I wouldn’t have even known she was trying to turn me around. Taking the hint, I turn to face her.
“I’ve never had a jealous bone in my body until I met you. The day you left, when Derrick came over, the way he was complimenting your body and making remarks about it made me sick to my stomach. Derrick is my family. We have always shared everything, and there are no secrets between us, and yet you were the one thing I didn’t want to share. I felt irrationally angry at the thought of him even seeing any intimate part of you, regardless of whether it was clothed. I hated feeling those emotions, especially towards my best friend, and yet another part of me was okay with it. I’m not used to feeling this way about anyone, and maybe it’s this bond you talk about, but whatever it is, I hope that it’s enough to tell you that you’re not alone in your feelings. For fuck sake, Jartre, I lied to my best friend through my fucking teeth for you, and the only reason I felt okay doing that was because it was for you!”
Each word from her sweet lips is like a sledgehammer to the walls I’ve built up inside me. She lied to protect me? She feels possessive of me? No one has ever felt possessive of me. Not even Apaki. It took me thousands of years to realise I was nothing more than her play toy, and it’s a fact I’m still not able to come to terms with. Not once in our time together did she ever make even a hint of the declaration that Gabriella just did. I know I shouldn’t compare the two. Gabriella is my true soulmate, my present and my future. Apaki is just the ghost of my past who haunts me every day.
I reach out, cupping my palm to her cheek, relishing the way she nestles her face into my palm, holding my hand in place to bring her comfort as our contact burns through my very being. Her eyes flutter closed and my heart melts to see her look so content from my touch.
“I’m sorry you had to lie for me,” I whisper.
She opens her eyes, “You’re worth it. Besides, I really don’t think he was going to believe the whole God thing.”
I smirk, “I could easily prove it,” I say, brushing my thumb against her cheek.
“I’m sure you could.”
I lean forward, placing my forehead against hers, “I’m sorry for how I behaved. I never meant to frighten you.”
She cups her hands to my face, her fingers sinking into my beard sending me to heaven. “Thank you for apologising. But I know there’s something else going on. I can feel it.”
Taking a deep breath, I gently kiss her forehead, “Your powers of perception could give Morrtemis a run for her money. I won’t lie and say you’re wrong, but I will say it’s not something I’m ready to discuss.”
She studies me carefully and then nods, satisfied by my answer. “I can live with that. Just know that whenever you are ready to talk about it, whatever it is, I’m going to be right here.”
I smile, taking her hands in mine and kissing the back of them, “You truly are my Starlight.”
“And you’re a handful,” she says playfully.
I chuckle, “Believe it or not, you’re not the first person to point this out.”
“That actually gives me some comfort. At least there are other people out there who have experience in handling you. I might need to call them and ask for tips,” she says, playing with the buttons of my shirt.
“They would enjoy that far too much,” I say with displeasure.