Chapter 45

“What do you plan to do, Ellie?” he asked as he stroked her back. They were lying on her bed, holding each other.

“I don’t know, Ryo. Everything’s happening too fast. I’m overwhelmed.” She took a deep breath, then snuggled closer to him. “Part of me wanted to get away from all this. But another part of me forces me to stay, to face this. My conscience is clean, Ryo. It never crossed my mind to harm Angelo. I did not hire people to kill him. I couldn’t… I wouldn’t do that. And if I flee, it’s like I am saying I’m guilty of their accusations. I’m not.”

Ryo felt her shuddering against him. Her tears wet his bare chest. The sobs she tried to suppress stabbed his heart. His jaws clenched, listening to her pain. How did things end up this way? Of everyone who has to suffer, why does it have to be her? She who had done nothing.

“I’m sorry, Ellie…” Ryo continued to whisper as he stroked her hair. He repeated the words, hoping they could ease all the pain and the stress she felt.

Ellie lifted her head to look at him. His eyes are so tender and full of love. “You’ve been saying sorry since you arrived. What are you apologizing for? It’s not like you caused this to happen,” she smiled at him, but he did not smile back. The heated atmosphere they had shared became cold as his eyes fixed on hers. His clenched jaws and pursed mouth confused her.

Their eyes tried to speak their hearts but failed to communicate. Ryo let out a sigh and rolled off at the side of the bed. With his back against her, he sat at the bed’s edge and clutched on his head. With the way his shoulders moved up and down, Ellie could tell he’s trying to control his breathing. After a while, he broke the tense silence of the room by releasing his breath.

“It’s not entirely true that Angelo’s death has nothing to do with me.” He took another deep breath and ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. “I did not order it, but my grandfather did.” Gathering all the courage had, Ryo shifted his body to look at her.

She sat in the middle of the bed and held the blanket up to her neck to cover her naked body. With eyes as large as plates, she looked at him. Her mouth agape and color drained from her face. She closed and opened her mouth twice, shut her eyes tight and shook her head. It’s as if by doing so, by denying what she heard, that the truth would change. Ryo also hoped so.

He has hoped all these were not true and were only a dream. But the pain in his knuckles told him it wasn’t a dream. They both looked at each other, speechless. He watched as tears formed at the rim of her eyes, and the corners of her mouth trembled.

He’d pay a king’s ransom to know what’s going on in her mind. What is she thinking? The longer she kept her silence, the more tortured he felt. If she had screamed right away, he would understand. After all, his family’s actions had put her through hell these past 24 hours. But she did nothing. He held his breath and waited for her reaction.

“W-what… what… what do you mean your g-grandfather ordered it?”

Her mind seemed to freeze from trying to absorb the information. His grandfather ordered Angelo’s death? Why? It was difficult for her to wrap her mind around the information Ryo gave. What pushed him to do it?

Her eyes looked at Ryo. From the moment he spoke, she felt like she was looking at a different person. He looked grim and cold. The tiny hair from her arms stood up and shivers ran up and down her spine. He was no longer her sunny Ryo.

“Does your grandfather know Angelo?” she asked when he did not speak. He shook his head and continued to look at her with his cold eyes. “Then why? What pushed him to do what he did? What could Angelo have done to him to order his death?”

“Ellie…” his voice broke. He wanted to reach out to her, but she looked at him like he’s the most horrible person she’s seen. Seeing surprise and confusion written on her face did not surprise him. But seeing the disbelief and disgust on her face tore him apart.

“Why Ryo, why?” the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes finally rained down on her face.

She must have loved Angelo so much to be affected this way. That thought was the most devastating for Ryo. She looked so shaken and broken. “Why?” he couldn’t help but smirk. “It’s all because of you. If you have forgotten, let me remind you how that man almost raped you.”

“What?” Ellie could not believe her ears. Somebody ordered Angelo’s death because he assaulted her? Was that worth wasting life for? She understood that rape is heinous and should never be tolerated. But she also believed that all life is valuable. Guilty or not, he did not deserve to die.

“My grandfather avenged you from the man who disrespected you, Ellie. But by the way you’re looking at me now, it seems like you see me as some kind of monster.”

“Ryo, I know Angelo did something bad. But to pay with his life? That’s incredulous! That’s life Ryo! We don’t play with life.”

“And so with honor and dignity.”

Their flaming gazes burned both of them. Ryo looked at her with anger in his eyes while she looked at him with mortification.

Both did not notice how long they had kept their staring contest. None of them wanted to give up. It’s like averting one’s gaze would mean one’s conviction was weaker than the other.

After a while, her mouth stretched to a smile. It was so bitter and did not reach her eyes. She shook her head and let out a forced laugh. “I cannot believe that they were right after all. I caused his death. It’s all on me.”

“That’s not true, Ellie. You did not ask for it to happen—”

“But it happened, Ryo. He died a brutal death, and it’s all because of me.” She looked up to the ceiling to stop the impending fresh wave of tears from falling. She continued to shake her head in disbelief.

“Is it only because he suffered the kind of death he had, Ellie?” Ryo’s voice sounded so hurt it made Ellie open her eyes and look at him. Their gaze once again burned each other. “Or is it because deep down, he still mattered to you?”

“What the fuck are you saying, Ryo?”

“Do you still love him?”

“You are crazy, Ryo. How dare you question what I feel. You of all people should know the answer. I will not let you turn the table against me, Ryo. I won’t let you change the narrative of this story.”

“Then why are you so affected? Why are you so emotionally invested?”

“Why? Why? Because somebody died!”

“People die every day, Ellie!”

“Yes, but not on my account, they don’t!”

Ellie hid her face in her hands and counted to ten. She took deep breaths before speaking. “I think you should leave, Ryo. I want to be alone.”

“What the fuck, Ellie!”

“Just leave, Ryo.”

Ellie lay back down on her bed and covered herself with her blanket. All she wanted to do was to escape. She did not want to see anybody, hear anybody. She heard Ryo exhale a deep breath, then cursed. He scrambled around her room, probably picking up his clothes. Then a few minutes after, Ellie heard her door banged shut.