Conrad
Maya and I have been sitting in the diner for nearly two hours. One slice of pie turned into two each. One hot chocolate, turned into a milkshake after. It has been good, though. Maya seems more relaxed and has been getting to know me. She has been asking a lot of questions. I believe it is for two reasons: one, because she wants to get to know me and two, to keep the attention away from herself.
“Thank you for keeping me company, Conrad.” She smiles.
“Any time,” I reply, smiling back.
“I think I am ready to head back and try to get a couple of hours more sleep.”
“Okay. I will pay the bill, and we can return to your place.”
“You can just drop me off if you would rather go home.” She says softly.
I shake my head, “I would rather stay with you. I will sleep on the sofa.”
I wait for her to try and talk me out of it or tell me just to go home, but she doesn’t. She nods and smiles. I take care of the bill, leaving a generous tip before we leave. I really hope she will manage to get some more sleep. If she can’t, I will stay awake with her. I can manage without sleep. I will fuel myself with coffee to keep me awake during the day.
We hop in the car, back to her place and head inside. She made sure to leave a light on for our return. I know there is more to the reason why she doesn’t like the dark. It must be something bad for her still to have the fear at the age she is now. She makes sure the door is locked behind us.
“Do you have a spare blanket?” I ask.
Maya rocks on her heels, the nervousness coming back, “Y-y-you can sleep in bed with me.” she stammers.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“Yes, I am sure. Only if you don’t mind sleeping with some sort of light?”
“Okay, and no, I don’t mind. Come on, beautiful, we should try to get some rest.”
Maya nods, “Good idea.”
I follow her to the bedroom. We get ready for bed. I asked permission to remove my jeans, and she was fine with it. Maya climbs under the covers, and I lie on top of them.
“Conrad, you can come under the covers.” She laughs.
“Sorry, I wasn’t sure.” I chuckle and slide under, too.
Maya rolls onto her side to face me, and I do the same. I reach out and push the hair away from her face. She really is so beautiful.
“Conrad, why are you being so sweet to me? You can have any woman you want. You can be spending your time better than with me.” she asks nervously.
“I don’t want to spend my time with anyone else,” I answer honestly.
“But why? I am nothing special. I told you, I am broken. I would ruin your perfect little world.”
Her words come out in more of a whimper.
“Why? I don’t completely understand it myself, but the spark, the connection I felt with you, is something I haven’t felt in a long time. I know you feel it, too, Maya. I wish you would stop being so down on yourself. I don’t care how different our worlds are, Maya.”
I have told her this more than once, but I will say it as much as I need until she believes it.
Maya takes a deep breath, “I do, but it doesn’t matter, Conrad. We can’t be together.”
“Why can’t we be?”
“For the many reasons I have previously mentioned. You don’t want me, trust me. Not only that but I could get fired if anyone ever found out. I can’t afford to lose my job, Conrad.”
Maya closes her eyes and sighs loudly.
“No one needs to know,” I whisper.
She opens her to look at me, “Why can’t you let me be?”
“I don’t want to. I also don’t believe you want me to let you be. You are trying to push me away out of fear. I meant it when I said, we can even just be friends.”
Maya stays silent but keeps her eyes on me. I wish I knew what she was thinking. She chews on her lip, which I notice she does when anxious or nervous. Maya suddenly reached in and caressed my cheek with the pad of her thumb.
“So handsome.” She says softly.
I close my eyes and smile, “Thank you.”
Maya pulls her hand away, and I am just about to open my eyes, but before I can, her warm lips fall on mine. I am taken aback and don’t kiss back at first. I wasn’t expecting it, but after a second, I smiled against her lips and kissed her back. I rest my hand on her face. The kiss is slow and gentle. Her lips are so soft and warm. I place my other hand on her hip, fighting the urge to bring her a little closer to me. If I do, she may freak out on me. Everything about the kiss feels right and perfect.
She abruptly pulled away, and when I opened my eyes, I could see the panic in her eyes.
“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She whimpers and goes to climb out of the bed.
I gently grasp her arm to stop her, “Please, stay right here.”
“I-I-I am sorry.”
“Maya, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I say softly as she lies back down.
“Conrad, I can’t give you what you want. I don’t want it to seem like I am leading you on. The idea of you scares me.”
I can tell it wasn’t easy words for her to say.
“You aren’t leading me on, beautiful. Why does the idea of me scare you? I could take care of you if you would let me.”
“Because the last time I let someone close to me, they destroyed me. I promised myself I wouldn’t ever allow anyone to hurt me in such ways again.”
She is trying to hold back the tears.
“Destroyed you how?”
I reach for her hand, but she yanks it away before I can take it.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Maya quickly climbs out of bed and rushes to the bathroom. It makes me think even more that someone hurt her before. With the way, she flinched when I first tried to touch her. The sadness, the fear. Her behaviour when she is around me. What I can’t work out is whether it happened in her childhood or was she with someone who abused her. It is something, and I hate the idea of anyone hurting her. It would explain a lot. Maya has no reason to fear me. I would never hurt her, but if she has experienced bad things in the past, it makes sense she is scared. I am sure she probably trusted the people who hurt her.
I want to go after her, but I stay put. She will come back out when she is ready. I wish she would open up and talk to me. I sigh and sit up, patiently waiting for her to come back. I dance my thumb along my lips and smile; they are still tingling from the kiss. I am not sure if I will feel it again. I guess it depends on how things go.