Maya
I have been emailing back and forth with Conrad the last few days. It has been great to talk to him. It will be a little different tonight because he wants to video call with me. He begged. It may be too much, but it is the least I can do after leaving, as I did. I am nervous to talk to him, but it will be good to see him. He has tried to get me to tell him where I am, but I refuse. I don’t want to risk it.
I am in my room, on my bed. I had all the curtains closed and made sure there was nothing in view that he could use to work out where I was. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, and soon enough, the call comes through my laptop.
I pull myself together and answer. The second his face appears on the screen, tears roll down my cheeks. “Conrad,” I whimper.
He looks tired and like he has lost weight. I know it is all because of me.
“Maya,” he whimpers, and I see his tears too.
“Conrad, I am so sorry I left you. I had to.” I sob.
“Maya, please let me come and bring you home. Please, I beg you. I can’t take being apart from you any longer.” He whispers.
I shake my head, “I can’t. I can’t come home until he is behind bars.”
“Tell me here you are. I can come to you, and we can stay there until he is.” He sighs.
“No, because if he finds out we are together, then with neither of us around, he will go after your family, Conrad. I am doing all of this to protect you and your family. Please, understand that.” I whimper.
“He wouldn’t find out. I know you are, but I am supposed to be protecting you. You are alone. You have no one around to take care of you.”
I can see the pain in his eyes with every word. I hate I am hurting him, but it is what needs to be done.
“I promise I am safe. The people here are great and treat me well. I miss you so damn much, but until it is okay for us to be together again, we need to stay apart.”
The tears are streaming from my eyes, and my heart breaks all over again.
He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, frustrated, “You should be with me, Maya.”
“And I will be, again, I promise, but not until he is gone.”
“You should never have left. You should have come to me, and I would have found a way to ensure everyone was safe while keeping you close to me.”
“I didn’t want to risk it. Conrad, I am not coming home right now, nor am I going to tell you where I am. I agreed to this because I needed to see your face and tell you how much I miss and love you.” I say softly.
“If you loved me, you would never have left.” He snaps but soon regrets his words the second they come from his mouth.
He is angry with me, and rightly so. He should be. It doesn’t matter how much he loves me or understands why I left; he still has the right to feel other emotions towards me. I can handle them as long as he doesn’t hate me.
It didn’t stop his words from stinging, though. I start to sob louder, “I-I-I left because I love you. You have the right to be angry with me, Conrad, but don’t you ever dare question my love for you.”
He takes a few deep breaths, “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it. It just hurt too damn much being apart from you, Maya. I don’t know how to deal with it. I have never felt such pain as the one I am feeling now. A part of me is missing. Life is empty and doesn’t feel right without you.”
“I know. It is hard for me, too, Conrad. It breaks my heart every single day that I am not with you. The guilt doesn’t fade from me leaving you. I barely sleep because you aren’t there; if I do, the light must be on. I am lost, sad and broken without you, but I deal with it because at least I know you and everyone else is safe without me around.”
Callum kept his promise, something I didn’t think he would do. I don’t want to risk returning and for him to appear and start all over again.
“All I want is to have you in my arms again, Maya. It kills me you are alone and hurting. How long can we keep going on like this.” He whispers and looks down.
“As long as it takes, Conrad, unless you don’t want to wait. I would understand.”
His eyes are quick to focus back on me, “What? Why would you even say such a thing? I would wait for you no matter how long it takes.” He exclaims.
“Then why say something like you did?”
I am emotional, and I am probably taking some of what he is saying the wrong way, but I am overwhelmed.
“I meant how long can we keep being apart, not how long I am expected to wait.” He corrects.
“Hopefully, not much longer.”
Only if he knew how close I am to him since he is in London.
“I hope not because I can’t take it for much longer, Maya.” He says honestly.
“I need you to trust me, okay? Don’t give up hope, my love.”
The second I called him my love, his eyes closed, and a small smile appeared on his lips.
“I have missed hearing you call me that, sweetheart.”
My heart races in my chest at the choice of his words, too, “I have missed you calling me that.”
“Promise no matter how long it takes, you will come back to me?”
I nod, “I promise, Conrad. The second I can, I will be by your side again. You aren’t going to lose me. We will make the life together we talked about. None of that has changed for me.” I smile.
He returns the smile, “It hasn’t changed for me either. It is all I want, beautiful.”
It is so good to see his smile again. I have missed it so much, along with his handsome face, voice and how he says my name. It is all these things I miss the most. Yes, I miss his kisses too, and how we were always perfect together when making love, but other things come before that.
Even after two months, I still instantly reach for him every morning when I wake up.
“We will be together again soon, I promise, handsome.” I coo.
“Yes, we will. Can you talk with me until it is time for me to go to sleep?” he asks, hopeful.
I nod, “Yes.”
He doesn’t need to know we are in the same time zone and will be going to sleep at the same time.