Chapter 17-1

| July 1st | Monday Morning | ~ Megan's POV ~ The first day of July in Florida is a hot one, but it's too pretty not to leave the passenger window rolled down for a few more minutes. I wonder what July has in store for us after a great month of June and hope it reaches my expectations. After officially getting married to Sam, things seemed to be aligning in our lives more and more, and it was something I couldn't ignore. That's when I feel Sam's right hand slip into my left that sits on my lap. It pulls me out of my mind and brings my attention to her. She gives me a reassuring smile. "You're really quiet," she says. "Sorry," I apologize. "I'm just... happy." She squeezes my hand. "Yeah? You're not nervous therapy is gonna ruin that?" "No." I shake my head. "Couples therapy always benefits us." Sam doesn't say anything else as she pulls into the familiar parking lot. We exit her car and she holds the door open for me to head in first. I blush as she follows me in, her hand gently landing on my back. Dr. Dupree is waiting for us as she calls us back to her office. When we're settled in, she starts the session. "So, how has the first month of marriage been treating you two?" she asks. Sam and I laugh, and she takes the lead while I sit back and listen. "It's been... well, it's no different than before," Sam answers. "It's familiar and comfortable and... the only thing different is calling Megan my wife now." "She's still getting the hang of it," I include with a laugh. We boast about finally going through with it and how it feels natural and right, which is something I always believed would be true for us. Of course, I know marriage comes with a lot more responsibilities and we were still in the honeymoon phase of it all, but I felt ready to take on the challenges with Sam regardless. "And what about Ava?" Dr. Dupree asks. Suddenly, my heart constricts, and Sam reaches for my hand, sensing the tension. "Well, we applied but..." Sam sighs. "We haven't heard anything." "It's been weeks," I include. Dr. Dupree leans back in her chair, but I can tell even she feels for us, although she's supposed to remain neutral. I don't know everything Sam has told her about Ava, but it's possible they've talked in detail about her and her situation. Sam and I both knew it was a long shot applying to adopt her, but maybe my expectations weren't as low as I thought. I mean, I at least expected a call back within a week of completing the process. "Megan," Dr. Dupree addresses. "How are you feeling about it all?" The image of Ava sitting in her desk engrossed in a book infiltrates my mind. It strikes a nerve and I take in a deep breath. "Disappointed," I reveal. "Disappointed in...?" "Myself," I continue. "The system, the world, the unfairness of it all..." I hear Sam shift next to me. "I know Ava isn't the only child in need of a home but... it's just hard to move on from." Sam takes in a deep breath next to me and suddenly I feel bad. "But Sam..." I continue. "She's been so level-headed about it all. She reminds me that, regardless of the outcome, I did help her as much as I possibly could've." I look at Sam and she gives me a sad smile. It's enough to ease some of the pain I feel over the matter. "I want you to try and remember that on your own as well," Dr. Dupree says. After talking about Ava, we try to finish the session on a lighter note, but my mind is shot. Sam can probably tell I've checked out, but I try not to let it get to me too much. It isn't until we walk out of the office that she decides to bring it up again. "Are you okay?" Sam asks. "That was kind of a heavy session." "I'm okay." I shake my head. "Or, I will be, eventually." Sam knows this, but me verbally telling her helps her own anxiety. We climb into her car and she hesitates to do anything else. She sighs heavily and slips her hand into mine again. "Let's go get lunch," she suggests. "And we can go to the beach after." All I can do is nod and allow the day to unfold. Sam's strength is more than enough to help me get through it all, but I wonder if I'll ever be able to get over failing Ava. And I wonder where she'll end up if not with us. ~ As the weekend after our couple session approaches, I find myself helping Casey set up for her baby shower as a distraction. As I blow up balloons for some game we intend to play, I watch Sam hang a banner while carefully balancing on a ladder. "Thank you so much for coming to help," Casey says. "I really appreciate it." "Absolutely," I say. "Hey Sam," Shawn calls to his sister. "Can you move the right side up just a little bit more?" Sam groans. "Sure." "It's crooked," Shawn says. "It's crooked," Sam mocks as she adjusts the banner. "How's this?" "Perfect." Shawn says. "Just like you, little sister." "Oh, shut up," Sam laughs as she climbs down the ladder. Shawn and Casey disappear to tend to other things while Sam joins me where I'm sitting. She begins to help me with my task while actively distracting me with how happy she seems. Watching Sam grow and basking in the happiness that now seems to radiate around her is contagious. It manages to put me in a state of awe quite often. "What?" she asks. "Why are you looking at me like that?" "I just love when you're happy." She looks up from her balloon and smiles, a tinge of pink on her cheeks from my comment. "I never thought I could feel this... whole," she reveals. "I mean, I think about how I felt during my darkest days and how I feel now and it's overwhelming." She looks at me and my heart skips. "I never wanna go back to that." "Well, you don't have to." I scoot closer to her. "I mean, you'll still have good and bad days but..."