Chapter 20

**STEPH POV**

He leans forward, roughly grabbing my chin, “I asked you a question, Malyshka, and I expect you to answer me.”

I stare into his eyes, wondering how long it’ll take them to change to disgust when he looks at me, “he did. They did. They all touched me. Tortured me.” I take a deep breath, “they said they were training me for the outside world.”

He lets go of me, holding a hand over his mouth as though he might vomit. “How old?” He asks.

I don’t quite catch the question, so I frown, “how old what?”

“How old were you!?” He shouts, physically shaking with rage.

I move back on the bed, fearful for my life, I knew he would hate to even look at me once he knew. I knew he’d throw me away. It’s just a matter of time before I’m dead. He can’t let me go. Not with what I know.

He wouldn’t be able to take the risk.

I just hope that when he murders me I go quickly, and I hope that he still decides to save Sarah.

“The moment I arrived there.” I say softly, “I was around nine years old.” I laugh a little, though it sounds hollow. “It’s a blessing that I don’t remember much from back then. It would have been quite the change from what I was used to.”

He shoves the tray towards me, “eat.” He says, “I will be back in a moment.”

He stands, staring at me for a few seconds before storming from the room and locking the door, his angered shouts echoing through the walls.

I stare at the food on the plate, steak, potatoes and asparagus, it all looks delicious, to die for. But I have no appetite. That vanished long ago, back when I was still a child. And whenever I think about what happened to me, it all comes goofing back, the emotions, the defeat, the way that they starved me to keep me a certain size.

If only I knew of a way to tell him the full extent of my pain. Maybe then he would show me a slither of mercy.

But it isn’t me who needs his mercy, it is Sarah. I know that he said they had a rule against hurting children. But how do I know that is true? How do I know that any of what he has said is true?

I quickly decide that it would be better to do as I am told and eat, so I take large bites of the steak and potatoes, trying to ignore the sickness deep in my stomach.

I thought that I grew out of all this, I thought that I had heeled.

But I haven’t, and maybe I never will.

The steak was medium, so there was blood, though only a little. It was just the way that I liked it. I hated rare steak. It made my stomach churn worse than ever. I refuse to eat anything that still bleeds that much. It isn’t right.

The potatoes were seasoned well, just the way that I like it. They were spicy, but also full of flavour. It was like an explosion on my tongue.

I didn’t touch the asparagus, I never liked the stuff. I’m not really a fan of any vegetable. I’d much rather eat something else.

The door reopens and I jump, trembling as I pick up the cup of coffee, but Alexi doesn’t look angry anymore, he looks calm, too calm.

“Where did you go?” I ask, keep my eyes on him as he shuts the door.

It isn’t like I can run, my leg will still be broken for a while.

“I needed a moment to collect my thoughts.” He says, coming back to the bed and sitting down, “you didn’t eat your asparagus.”

I look down at my plate, and back up at him, raising an eyebrow, “does that even matter?”

I sound bitter, and angry. Maybe I should be angry. I should be furious. At everyone around me.

He nods, “it matters, eat it.”

I pick up a piece, it doesn’t smell like a vegetable, it smell like butter and garlic. Two of my favourite things.

“You didn’t answer me.” I say, taking a bite. “Where did you go?”

He watches me, “I went to call Nikolai and tell him that plans have changed.”

I gulp down the food in my mouth, “what plans?”

He smirks, “so nosey.” He says softly, “if you must know, I wanted to torture David by draining all his money from all of his accounts, and then I would have gotten him fired. And then I would have taken him. But I can’t wait that long anymore. I want him here. Now.”

“Why?” I ask, but I fear I already know the answer.

“Because what he did to you was beyond sick, Stephanie.” He says, leaning back against the wall he broke, “I do not pretend to be a good man, because I am not, but I would never do any of that to a child. Children are the closest we will ever get to God and they must be protected.” He takes my hand, “I have saved many children from the fate that you lived, but I’d make them all suffer it just to keep you safe.”

I smile, he’s talking about sending other children to be raped and tortured in my place, but I cannot help but think his words are sweet. In a way, he is telling me that he would have saved me sooner had he known, and that is all he needed to say to open my heart a little.

I still hate him, and I will kill him if the opportunity arises, but at least I’m not sure I hate him anymore. He’s growing on me in a weird sort of way.

“What will you do when you get him?” I ask, wanting to know.

“What do you want me to do?” He asks, kissing the back of my hand, “I can make him suffer in ways that would make the toughest of men cry.” He says softly against my skin, “when I am finished, he will be begging for death to take him.”

I think about it for a minute, really think about it. There were so many ways I imagined killing and torturing him. So many things I wanted to do if I ever got the chance.

“I want you to cut off his dick.” I say, my voice cold, “and feed it to him, piece by piece.”

Alexi smiles, leaning so close I can smell the coffee on his breath, “anything for you, malyshka, ask and you shall receive it.”

I gently brush my lips against his, “Can I be the one to do it?”

He jumps back, a wide smile coating his entire face, “you want to be the one to cut it off and feed it to him?”

I nod. There are no words needed.

I want to be the one to do it. I need to be the one to do it.

“Your wish, is my command.” He says, bowing slightly.

I laugh, and for the first time in a lifetime, my smile is real.

Maybe I really will get my revenge.