Chapter 74 I'm Not Going Anywhere
LUCA
We’d returned to the estate three hours ago, and Arya had immediately collapsed into bed, exhausted from the ritual. The cleansing had drained her completely, despite the influx of power from the Moonwell. Or maybe because of it.
Bardon said her body was adjusting to the pure Moonborne magic now flowing through her veins. That she’d be stronger when she woke. More powerful than any Moonborne in recorded history.
I didn’t care about that.
I only cared that she was alive. That she’d come back to me.
My hands were still shaking. Had been shaking since the moment I’d felt her slip away through the bond, felt the darkness trying to consume her.
I’d been seconds away from doing something catastrophically stupid by throwing myself into that pool of corruption to pull her out physically. From making deals with forces I shouldn’t even acknowledge exist. From burning down the entire fucking temple to save her.
She came back. I told myself for the hundredth time. She’s safe. She’s here.
The fear still remained. If anything, it had intensified.
Because now I saw how easily I could lose her. How fragile she was despite her power. And how utterly devastating it would be if she was taken from me.
I’d existed for eight hundred years. Ruled kingdoms. Survived wars. Watched civilizations rise and fall. None of it had prepared me for the sheer terror of almost losing her.
My Lycan was raging inside me, demanding I wake her up, check her over, make sure she was truly alright. Demanding I mark her again, claim her so thoroughly that death itself would think twice about taking her.
‘Let her sleep,’ I told him. ‘She needs rest.’
‘We need to KNOW she’s ours. I need to feel her. Taste her. Make sure she’s real.’
‘Soon. Let her rest first.’
His constant push was making it harder to resist. Every second she lay there unmoving, my control slipped a little more.
I’d sent everyone away. Told them I needed privacy to ensure Arya recovered properly. Really, I just needed to be alone with her before I did something unhinged in front of witnesses.
Like strip her naked to check for injuries I knew weren’t there or wake her with my mouth between her thighs just to hear her moan my name and confirm she was alive and then fuck her until neither of us could move, until her scent was so embedded in the sheets that it would take weeks to fade.
But I couldn’t help the obsessive urges. But I could try to not act on them.
‘You almost lost her,’ a dark voice whispered in my mind. ‘You almost lost her, and it was your fault. You should have stopped her and locked her away where the darkness couldn’t reach her.’
‘She would have hated me.’
‘And she never would have been in danger.’
The voice had a point.
Next time—and there would be a next time, because the summit was coming and danger was inevitable—I wouldn’t be so accommodating.
Next time, I’d do whatever it took to keep her safe. Even if it meant she never forgave me.
A soft sound from the bed pulled me from my dark thoughts. Arya was stirring, her eyelids fluttering.
I was beside her in an instant, my hand cupping her face.
“Luca?” Her voice was hoarse.
“I’m here. I’m right here, baby.” I grabbed the water glass from the nightstand, helping her sit up enough to drink. “How do you feel?”
“Like I’ve been hit by a truck. A magic truck.” She drank deeply, then focused on my face. Whatever she saw there made her eyes widen. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Everything.” I set the glass down with shaking hands. “You’re awake. You’re alive. That’s all that matters.”
“You look terrible.”
“I feel terrible. Watching you face that darkness, feeling you slip away through the bond—” My voice broke. “I was seconds from losing my mind completely.”
“But you didn’t. You held on. You anchored me.” Her hand found mine, her eyes softened. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“You shouldn’t have had to do it at all.” The words came out harsher than intended. “I should have found another way. Should have protected you from—”
“Luca, stop.” She tried to sit up fully, wincing. “This is what I was born to do. Cleansing that darkness, reclaiming my family’s legacy was my responsibility.”
“I don’t give a fuck about responsibility.” I stood, pacing because sitting still was impossible. “I care about you. About keeping you alive. About not having to experience the worst moments of my eight-hundred-year existence watching you battle forces that could have killed you.”
“But they didn’t—”
“But they COULD have!” I whirled to face her. “Don’t you understand? I felt you dying, Aeliana. Through the bond, I felt the darkness pulling you under. Felt your power flickering. Felt you giving up.”
“I didn’t give up.”
“You came close. I felt it.” I moved back to the bed, gripping the posts to keep from grabbing her. “And in that moment, every dark thought I’ve ever had, every violent impulse I’ve spent centuries suppressing, they all came roaring back.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I was planning your resurrection. Plotting how to storm whatever afterlife claimed you. Calculating which ancient powers I could bargain with to bring you back.” My laugh was bitter. “I was literally going through a mental checklist of forbidden magic and dark rituals, trying to figure out which ones might work.”
She paled. “Luca—”
“Don’t. Don’t tell me it’s unhealthy or obsessive or wrong. I know all of that.” I finally looked at her, and I knew my eyes were pure gold, my Lycan too close to the surface. “But I don’t care. The only thing that stopped me from actually attempting any of it was you fighting back. You choosing to live.”
“I chose to live because of you. Because of us.”
“I know. And that’s the only reason I’m not currently tearing apart the fabric of reality trying to make you immortal.” I ran my hands through my hair. “Do you understand what you are to me? You’re not just my mate. You’re my entire reason for existing. Eight hundred years of emptiness, and then you. Just you. And the thought of going back to that emptiness—”
I couldn’t finish. Couldn’t put into words the existential dread that had gripped me.
“Come here,” she said softly.
I moved to the bed, and she pulled me down beside her. Her arms wrapped around me, and I buried my face in her neck, breathing her in.