Four Hundred Seventy Eight

Four Hundred Seventy Eight
"There isn't anything you can't tell me. Please tell me what's wrong?"

I rest my forehead against Alicia's and let out a deep breath. I grab her hand. I place her hand on my collarbone and rub her fingers against the swelling I discovered a few days ago.
Her eyes get big and she drops her hand.
"This can't be." she whispers. "Maybe you just have a virus. Maybe you're coming down with a bug."
"Alicia, I hope so. Because I can't bear it if it were... You have so many things happening. Cecily. The kids. Your art classes. The gallery opening. This is too much on you. I know before..."
"You're scared I'm gonna leave you," she whispers.
"I won't blame you if you did."
"Have you gone to the doctor?"
"I have an appointment with Lisa, Tuesday.
I just have a horrible feeling Alicia.
I'm fucking terrified and I don't know what to do."
"When did you notice the lump?"
"A few days ago."
"Thats why you've been so strange? different?"
"Yes."
"Whatever this is-- we will deal with it together I will be here. I know you must have doubts about me because I wasn't there with you before... And I will forever be sorry for that. We will deal with whatever happens together."
"I... am so sorry Alicia.
I'm... I don't know what to do, baby." I can't hold back anymore and break down in tears. She holds me to her chest and wraps her arms around me.
"We will do whatever it takes to get you well."
She wraps her arms around me and rubs my back.
"It's gonna be okay. I promise."
"Alicia, I cant."
"You don't have to go through this alone."
"I don't want to get sick. I don't want to die. I don't want to...."
"Baby. You aren't gonna die." She grabs my face in her hands. "You aren't. If this happens to be lymphoma again, then we will do everything possible so you can beat this thing. Okay?"
"Okay..."
"Who all knows?" she asks.
"Kenny."
"He threatened to tell me. Thats why you two looked so serious earlier?"
"Yes. He thought I should tell you. I wanted to wait until i knew for sure. He's gonna tell Heather tonight."
"If you want me to keep this a secret, I will, Jonathan."
"I don't want you to hide anything from anybody, but until we know for sure..."
"Ok," she whispers. "Is that the only lump?"
"I guess."
"I haven't felt anything," she sighs. "But we can check tonight."
I let out a deep sigh. "Alicia there's something else... I've been thinking a lot and I think I want to step away from the restaurant."
"Jonathan, don't make any rash decisions. We don't know..."
"Even if it isn't cancer... I still think it's best. I just want to spend more time with my family. I'm gonna see if Anthony would like to buy me out."
"Jonathan. No! That restaurant is your dream. Shit... step back and let Anthony run it completely, but still own it baby! Don't give up your dream.
We will figure out a way to make you less involved... but don't give up what you've worked so hard for. Okay?"
"Ok."
"I guess we better head home, huh?" I laugh. "Are you sure you are up for a crowd of people?"
"Not really, but I guess Kenny figured that once I told you that it would do me some good to be surrounded by family."
"If it gets to be too much then you let me know and I will tell them you aren't feeling well."
She draws me in for a kiss and grabs my keys.
"Come on. Lets go home. I will drive."

Alicia drives around for a good while until I calm down. It's 8:15 when we get home.
"Just in time!" Heather smiles. "Kenny is about to cut the roast."
"Heather are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm cool, Alicia."
"You look like you've been crying."
"I was."
"I guess Kenny told you?"
"Yeah. Rght after y'all left."
"Please tell me nobody else knows?"
"No one else knows. Alicia? Do you have any visine?"
"Yeah in my desk in the studio..."
"I will be right back." she nods.
"Baby, I don't think I can handle being in a room full of people right now."
"I'm beginning to feel the same,
But we have to. Maybe laughing and just being surrounded by everyone will help take our minds off of this for a few hours."
"You good?" Kenny asks?
"Yeah we are okay. And yes. I told her."
"I'm sorry to have forced your hand. She needed to know. I'm thinking this is probably too much." Kenny sighs. "Heather won't stop crying. I just thought..."
"Lets just have dinner and have fun. No use in worrying until we know for certain what's going on."
We take a seat at the table and Avery gives me a hug.
"Hey munchkin".
"Hey daddy." I give her a tight hug and she eyes me suspiciously. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah! I'm good. We were outside for awhile and walked around the park. I'm tired!" I smile.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm okay. Listen... how about you and I hang out one night this week?"
"Ok. I would like that!"
"How about day after tomorrow? You and I can go to the movies and have dinner. Unless you already have plans?"
"I don't have any plans. Lets do it!" She smiles.
"Cool beans." She gives me a high five and a hug. We take a seat at the dining room table and enjoy our dinner with our friends.
Cecily, Avery, and Crew end up in the studio painting, and Teresa and the kids head upstairs to watch a movie before bed. Heather and Kenny tend to the dishes and we offer to help, but they insist that they have it under control.
"Tomorrow is the last day of school." Heather mutters. "I don't even know why? I mean it's Monday. They're really pressed to make them go for one day then have until January 3rd off?"
"Are you sending Anya and Crew to school tomorrow?" Alicia asks.
"Hell no. I mean... nobody shows up that day anyway and they get out two hours early Monday."
"Yeah fuck that". Kenny laughs.
"I'm thinking we should let Dominic and Estella stay home tomorrow too," Alicia says. "We should tell Jeanette to just let Avery stay home as well."
"We are such horrible parents!" Heather laughs. "If this were us when we were little our parents would have sent us regardless."
"So free day tomorrow?" Kenny asks.