Trembling.
That was how I held a finger of Hessuel while he was carried by the pishnies using a blanket stretcher. It was the fear of losing someone that made me fragile. Matheo was the only one who pushed me to calm down until we got out through a small abandoned house in the forest. We only passed through it and the exit took us to a different forest where the sun shines.
Acro flew ahead of us and I told Matheo that Lanasia was there. I told them that I would block the passage to block Elibur's pack and they all went ahead. The deal we had was irrevocable but the timing was under my supervision. I did activate an enchantment to lock the house and trapped them inside. When I caught up, Lanasia was with her family, dramatically reunited with her son. It was about 10 years since I last saw her before that day.
There were tents on the spot. The pishnies took Hessuel inside and I came after them.
A few days passed but Hessuel's consciousness was still ambiguous. It was mentally tedious to worry about him every hour. The inexplicable fear and nervousness made me brood over time. Not just about Hessuel, but because of my deal with Elibur too. However occupied Lanasia was with training Zaeramil, the couple recognized my untameable jitters about Hessuel's condition.
As a comfort, Lanasia diverted my thoughts by spending my time chatting with her at the dining table under the shady trees.
"How is he? Is he your type?" She meddled with my love life.
"Why would I tell you? You didn't even tell me about you and Matheo. That's not the law of friendship."
"Ahahaha! Then I'll tell you now." She was rubbing a finger on the wooden table while saying, "He protected me against the Vengeance pack when they once ambushed me. I learned that he's a lone wolf who turned his back on that pack because he started to hate what they were doing. That was when we got to know each other more! He's a hard-working, understanding, and patient man... and a werewolf! We fell in love with each other with marriage and family in mind."
"You got married!?"
"No, my friend. Zaeramil happened to exist without it." And she smirked at me. "We should have a double wedding. What do you think?"
"Oh, please. You're not a virgin to undergo the pureness of marriage without repenting. Don't forget to respect that just because it's romantic. You will commit to a covenant you have already broken." I shrugged.
"Don't be savage!" She played a wry laugh. "Now it's your turn."
"Me... to Hessuel? He's an adamant guy. No matter how much I tried to turn him off, he's still clingy for my attention. I was given such an affable mate. He's so sweet... humble... powerful... he trusted me easily... hot... and a fervent kisser."
"Oooh, you've kissed?"
"Excuse me. Of course. Werewolves' love is so affectionate and protective. They can smell you and taste you better. They are so... loveable!" I cringed and shook our shoulders as if we sipped a sour soup while creaking our voices. Laughter followed.
That conversation also tackled my dilemma about the revelation I've received. I told her that it was a stifling fate. I am meant to pour my love on someone who will leave me above the ground. She was the very first person who knew and it ended the unilateral choices I've made. I was startled when she slammed the table.
"What's disheartening you? It's not love that you should end, it's the ordeal of your potential love you should end!" She stood up to demonstrate the way I enchant. "You're the illustrious priestess of Venduque, not to pressure you, but to remind you that you can do something to change your tragic ending into happily ever after. The difference between then and now is that you know it will happen. And that is your advantage. Make meaning to why you've seen it."
She sat in front of me again and held my hands sincerely. "I'm here to support you no matter what."
I held her hands too. "Really? You will?"
"Of course!"
That was how I expelled the guilt I had in dragging her life along my bargain with Elibur. With stealthy steps, I sneaked during nighttime to the passage in the abandoned house. Elibur was there. I was gloomed when everything in that dark forest was charred.
["I thought you're a weasel."]
"I'm sorry for taking so long. I needed time to bring my mind to the right condition." I brought them food that sustained their temporal need. "Hessuel is still in bad condition. We're heading to the land of Moon's Order pack once he's recovered. Until that, I will not allow you to appear before Lanasia. But you may... when we reached the place."
["The white wolves have been hiding here, huh?"]
"I want to have another deal with you. I know how much you wanted them to go extinct. But once you set foot there, if you ever think those white wolves are murderers, wicked, and aren't living a normal life like the Vengeance pack today, if you ever discovered they were planning to raise war against your pack again, then you may kill them."
I heard about the life of the white wolves through Lanasia. Secondary data aren't sufficient enough to conclude with this gamble, as the beginning of the two packs' unity is hazy but not improbable in the future. And it was done by risk.
Elibur laid his paws on the table in front of us before he shifted into his intelligence. "Deal. In exchange, I shall use your name for letting us in."
"You may excuse me for the upcoming festival in Plandreas. But Elibur, I plead you to think twice. You're a paragon among your pack. I hope you'll choose what's best for all... and the next generation."
I somehow didn't know what I was actually doing. I might've brought a clash between 2 packs. On top of my concern, Hessuel was still unconscious. I ruminated for several hours on how I shall spare his life from his fate. It was in the middle of the night in his tent when I felt the desire to sleep with him. I put out my handkerchief, enchanted it, and unfold it multiple times until it became a fluffy blanket. I laid the blanket on him before I lay down beside him under the same blanket.
The following night was the beginning of my haggle with the moon. The only wide spot for the moon was the river nearby. I made an enchast on my feet to step on the water, manifested my spellbook to surround myself with the enchantment that calls the moon, then recited my proposal.
"In this pledge, I shall prove my loyalty to thee, not to the other or another pack, but only to thee. I will not be in favor of any of them, neither to my mate, the silver wolf. As an exchange, do not take away the life of Biaco and Hessuel."
The result was terrifying; the moon turned to blood, and my ability to use the moon's power was gone. I was half-submerged. The moon didn't approve. I made several revisions to my pledge, with a soliloquy, but the moon rejected it all. Plus, my anxiety was extended for Hessuel who hadn't eaten anything while we ate as we waited for him to wake up. I brainstormed with Lanasia about the pledge and she tackled,
"Considering the limitations of the Moon Goddess, she didn't totally give life to werewolves, instead, she gave power and intelligence to them. That might mean that it isn't her power to take away their life."
That was how I concluded the haggle: sparing the 2 lives by taking away their intelligence instead. The moon finally approved and whatever happens, once that time comes, come what may. However, it only has little difference from death. I was researching in a spellbook about the retracting of a werewolf's intelligence but only the goddess could do that. It is her power.
My nose was stuck on studying when Hessuel played a prank on me. "Rossy..." he uttered. I almost believed that he hit his head hard for his memories to be altered. I was happy to see him awake, and I was angry to hear another woman from him. I remembered we were not on good terms so I played hard. And it wasn't even written amongst my expectations that he would prepare a grandiose and romantic swing to propose his love for me.
Just when I thought that romance is all about steamy, that every guy wants to build their romance in the name of lust, and that courtship is dead, there was that guy standing in front of me, candor with his sincerity to woo me. That kiss on my foot and knee made me feel respected. It reminded me of how important I should treat my body. It reminded me that my dignity deserves to be honored.
Thence, I dared him to do a difficult task and that was to cut his beloved hair. His desperation made me expect he would accept the challenge but it made me guilty... Guilty for drooling over his new and fresh look! Guilty for falling harder! When we bathed together in the spring, I was profoundly attracted the moment he looked up; a drop sliding down his neck to his collarbone. But whenever I thought about falling for him, my brain kills my joy by reminding me of the tragedy that awaits.
I couldn't stop overthinking.
The happiness Hessuel had when he finally met his home again was heart-warming. But part of his home was the werewolves who would slowly take him away from me. There was a prick in my chest when I witnessed Hessuel's first meeting with Sherizzah.
Sherizzah was tasked to tour Hessuel in the land. Squinting from my room, eyes narrowed and lips jammed, I saw when Sherizzah fixed his cloth. I closed the door and slowly strode toward the bed, staring at nowhere, then laughed on my own.
"Future Alpha and Luna your ass! They both look good together!? Stupid monks with horrendous taste!" I wielded the pillow like a sword, dropped it on the bed, and I wrestled with it. "And this silver dog isn't doing anything!? So he wants to mingle with that she-wolf!? Flirting!? He said he'll court me! Ugh! Men are all the same!"
I flipped my hair upward and panted. I know I should be open-minded with the way they entertain Hessuel. And that I should've acted appropriately. Yet Hessuel seemed unaware of how everyone sees them together. I wielded the pillow again. "I don't care! So what if I'm reacting immaturely!? Frustration has no age limit!" I ranted to myself.
Concocted meals were served at Hessuel's party and it was during that time when I sneaked into the passage to open the portal for outsiders. It made me anxious since I trusted the threat to be not a threat. It was jubilantly loud at the party because of how Hessuel impressed the crowd with his combats.
I turned my back from the crowd, from the fun. I realized that I don't belong there, but it is where Hessuel belongs.