I've been watching her back anxiously.
She even looks different today. 'Tho it's fashionable for today's weather. Winter has completely poured itself onto anyone's skin. Her white dress remixes with the color of the snow, even her white umbrella.
But about the moon's will... I remember what Lanasia told me before I existed here. When I think about it deeper, she's the fated Luna, and the strongest male wolf will be the next Alpha, especially now that Alpha Shio is about to lie down to his grave—as anyone can describe.
The moon has been writing down our own path without my recognizing it consciously. I should be careful with the timing to reject her.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I noticed too late that she stopped walking to face me. "When you saw me earlier, you looked like you'd seen a ghost. Is... that what humans call the living dead ones? Anyway, are you alright?" she asked while spinning the umbrella on her shoulder.
"I'm okay. I lack sleep, that's all. And because you actually look like a ghost."
"Hmph." She shakes off the snow on my hair, then shares the umbrella with me. "We can do this the other day so you can rest instead if you want to."
"No. I've been longing for this."
"... Okay."
The inside forest is slightly clothed with snow as well. As we walk deeper into the forest, the place is getting shady because of the bulky tree. It startled me when a tree was about to attack me—exactly how my peripheral sees it. Even Sherizzah was disturbed because of me. But after all the goosebumps, 'twas just a tree.
"Relax," she tangles her arm with mine, "those trees scare the intruders if any. A similitude of scarecrow."
"Oh, but you're scared, too."
"Of course! This forest is creepy! This is where the tears of our dead pack are preserved. Sometimes, those watch-wolves heard an agonizing howl in here."
"Then there are ghosts here?"
"That can't be!"
I finally made a chuckle for the first time in a while. "That story is just a legend. It's a stupid creed to be true."
"I'm not compelling you to believe."
We're going down a tall cliff with the provided stairs that collected dried leaves and moss already. As we take the steps down, I can't keep my eyes off the pond that awaits us beneath; the water isn't transparent but blue, lilies are scattered but not dominant, and it's deep. It's surrounded by tall cliffs, trees, and hidden within the shadows. It's about one hundred meters long and it pretends to be running water at first glance.
We step on the protruding sands on the surface down the stairs. The water moves on its own to avoid contact with Sherizzah when she tries to submerge her foot. "It's the same sacred water flowing within the city. This is the pond you've been looking for. So, what will you do now?"
I gave a moment of silence while still staring at the water closely. It's inviting me in a manner that I can't describe. I just got the feeling I have to come into it. I remove my shoes and upper clothes immediately.
"W-What are you—"
"Sherizzah, if something wrong happens to me, I'm counting on you."
"What do you mean!?"
Aligned to my expectation, the water didn't avoid me. I walk farther until the water level reaches my navel. I can now hear the voice loud and clear. It's the voice of a woman I often hear. Her reflection is on the water; her white hair, captivating eyes, and she's stretching forth her arms at me. "Hessuel, come here!"
"... Mother."
I chase after her embrace. Sinking in the memories of my past.
...
...
I remember that day... My mother lifted me up in her arms. My father is there too to present me a gift for my birthday. What he gave me was an owl toy. "You said you like to have your own pet. There you have it!"
"It's not alive."
"It will if you're grateful. She will be your guide. We’re always worried whenever you lose your way home! Your new pet will aid you topographical disorientation~"
I held the toy that moment and kissed it before it became an actual owl. I smacked their cheeks with a kiss from me. It was the very day when I started petting my owl I called Acro. But as a child like me, I spend most of my time in training rather than playing with the other white pups. Because I'm from the lineage of silver wolves—that's what my mother told me.
We spent time every day running in the forest and mastering the power of my howl. She taught me how to fight with my claws. A lot of times I stumbled and rolled unstoppably on the dried leaves which made it necessary for my mother to catch me. Oftentimes she grabbed my scruff through her mouth and climbed up again.
["I'm sorry..."]
["You did your best."]
No matter how strict sometimes, her words consoled and motivated me. She licked my wounds whenever I got one in our wolf.
["Why do we have to do this?"]
["It's the moon's order. We are more consecrated than the rest of our kind. There's a war going on outside. If you can't run faster than needed, you'll die. It's hard to explain at your age."] That's what she taught me. Instead of running for the tag game, I run to practice escaping an enemy. I tested doing it alone to impress my mother, imagining that Acro is the enemy as she chases me, but I kept on failing.
"You have shorter legs," I heard a girl's voice while I was groveling on the ground that day. "Don't expect that you can run faster like the seniors. You're only stressing yourself with things you're not capable of yet."
I figured she's not a werewolf. Growling at her was the only defense that came into my thoughts at that moment, considering my fatigue. "Hessuel, that's what you're called, right? Let me help you!" It was the day that I met Rossy. A myriad of questions crossed my mind: how did she know my name? why was there a human in Asfara? and why did she approach me?
A few hours passed until I figured out her identity. She was a child of my father's human family. My father is a pureblood who chose to use his intelligence to become an enchanter. Rossy's family adopted him. The second time I tripped, she was there again to heal me. And for the nth time, she came with sweet foods for me. 'Twas the start of constructing our relationship, of painting memories.
And my father finally got home from his business with the humans' world. Every time he was here, I'm allowed to play longer than training. We often played together. And whenever his unavailability takes place, Rossy plays with me in his stead. My fellow white pups weren't welcoming toward her. There was a time when I got furious when a group of white pups attacked her. I protected her, I wanted her safe.
"You have such lovely eyes. I can see the ocean in it," she praised one time we were shading behind the giant stone.
"Rossy... I love your name. It sounds delicious," I praised back for I had a silly feeling that I had to.
"Ahaha! Is it because you always have sweets with me?" She carves the names of her family and my family, our names are altogether. "This stone will remind you of everything we've been through."
"Hm? Why do you have to do it? Are you leaving again?"
"No. I know it'll be useful in time."
I cuddled with her in my wolf form. I like it when she caresses my chin and fur along with consecutive kisses. We could spend the whole day like it.
These humans made my puppyhood happier for it felt like running with shackles being born in the tradition of silver wolves. I remember those times when my parents argue maturely because of the differences in their culture, including what they were supposed to teach me. My father is wry as always, he tames my mother with his sweetness. While my mother had light-hearted feelings for the principles of my father.
Technically, there were times that they agreed with each other. We made time for a picnic—one of the vacations that humans call—and we played together as a family. But that was the last precious moment we had together.
My father once took me into his world and he told me about his creation of the pishnies. They were friendly from the very beginning and I gave them names one by one. My father also toured me around the human city he used to live in, that was the first time I've witnessed human activities. And they are very advanced creatures.
With stories packed, I was excited to go home and tell everything to my mother. However, the welcoming land became horrifying scenery when bloodshed was everywhere. Terrified silence suffocated my breath when I saw in a distance the decapitated white wolves on the ground, the mark of scratches on the walls, and the weeping of the few survivors. The wall of the palace was vandalized by the ink of blood saying,
'GLORY TO ALPHA RIGO!'
I can feel the cold hand of my father and we held it tight to diminish the trembling but nothing fortunately worked. The grievous gash in our chest deepens the moment we found my mother lying down with her own blood beside the fountain of the central space. I ran and fell on my knees which caused me a bruise, wept, and hugged my mother tight.
Howls of crying weren't enough to wake up the dead. Not even the shedding of tears could replace the shed of blood. My father gently knelt down with his numbed knees, embraced my mother, and wept silently. "Lerouka... I'm sorry..." Other than the death of my mother, the mourning of my father contributes to my broken heart.
It was the day I wanted to forget.
The survivor seniors of our pack caught hope when they found me, the last silver wolf. But my father took me away from them, from home. We spent the following days with lamentation while my father had performed enchantment more than his body can. His skin wrinkled. He said that he poured all his power to put in reinforcements for the land of Asfara.
I remember the night in the office with my father. I was sitting on the table with my tiny legs hanging. "I'm sorry I have to hide you. They see you as a weapon, and I don't want to thrust you down with that responsibility, you're too young."
"..."
"I'll make sure he will regret this throughout his life." He gave me a necklace and said, "Wear it if you want to find these memories of us someday. Or if he ever figured out you’re alive, wear this to kill him." However, it sounded like a farewell.
"Are you leaving?"
"... No. I want you to live free, fill your childhood with sweet memories, I want you to experience a normal life. But you can't in this era. I know it's my obligation to give it to you. And this is the best I can do..." His eyes formed tears that I've never seen fall. "I want you to live anew... without the memories that pull back your smile." He hugged me tight and kissed my head. It was the last affection I had from him.
I can recall that I hugged him back tight, grasping his cloth behind as clingy as I can, and I closed my eyes when my vision blurred. "Don't go... Don't leave me..." I pleaded before my weep resonated in every ear.
"I love you, Hessuel."
...
...
Those were the words he said before he blinded me with his enchantment and lost everything I have in my memories. It was his way to protect me. He gave me a new life with ordinary people. I'm bombarded with the pain I used to forget. The huge missing piece of my life has finally reconnected. I feel extreme suffocation!
I crawl to reach the surface then pant as deep as I could, lurching towards the sands and grovel.
"Hessuel! What happened to you!? Were you trying to drown yourself!?"
Staring at the sacred water dripping from me to the sands, I remember the tears of those who've died... including my mother... then my father, while I was preserved for this day. I left everyone behind centuries ago... including Rossy. My eyes added the drops coming from me. Not even the shivering wind can bother.
I scream and howl and squirm and weep.
"W-What's wrong?" Sherizzah became anxious about touching me. She picks up my clothes and covers me partially. Her arms pull me to her closely, giving me permission to dry my tears on her shoulder. "Please, calm down. Everything is fine," she said in the name of comfort. Yet I didn't cease. She gave me a long moment to calm around her arms, underneath the umbrella.
☪ ✧ ✧
I crashed myself to bed when we got back into my room. I heard the flapping wings coming to me then I pushed myself up to accept her on my lap. "Acro... I know now where you came from."
She stretches her neck.
"I remember everything."
["You remember everything?"]
"Yes, I remember everything... about my past."
["You remember everything,"] and she flies up to the ceiling in random directions, saying the same words. Her voice... My eyes haven't fully reduced all my tears.
"Come here!" I extend my arms to catch her landing, then I caress her head. "Your voice sounds like my mother's. My father did well with creating you."
["I love you, Hessuel."]
A finger of mine twitched. I almost thought that my mother said those words. Acro is a gift from them. A guardian who will direct me. They never left me behind after all. I stick my forehead to her and shed tears silently.
"I love you, too... mother... father."