Out of my control, a smile escaped my lips followed by my tears. "You recognize me." I opened my arms for him but he drew farther, shaking his head.
"No... Go away."
"No? I won't hurt you."
"... You do. You hurt dad. You hurt my brother!"
What the fork!? "I would never do that. Hed, it's not true—"
"WHY DID YOU COME HERE!? WE DON'T NEED YOU!"
From that moment on, I recognized how hurt they were because of me. Danteleon is still clinging to Dayana's waist, looking at me with sting and hatred. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry it took me so long. But I'm here now!"
"You never cared for dad! You never cared for my brother!"
"I do care—!"
"YOU WEREN'T HERE! When we want a mom, you weren't there!! We don't—"
"It doesn't matter because I'm here now! I will never leave again—!"
"No! We don't need you anymore!!"
The crack in my chest sounded louder than his furious yell. And the tears rushing out of his eyes wring my heart from guilt. This feels like drowning in my own oxygen. "... Don't say that," my voice shudders. "Aren't you waiting for me? I... I've been longing for this day... and I know you do, too!"
"No!!"
"I know you want to learn enchantment from me!"
"I don't!!"
"I know you want to play with me!"
"..."
"I know you can picture my face in your mind because you know that I was there when you were an infant! I know it! I heard everything, how much you admire me in your father's stories because I was there! watching over you two from afar."
"... But you never came home."
"And I am here in front of you, at home!"
"We want Ms. Hrista, not you!"
"What...?"
"You don't love us!"
"I love you more than I can tell."
"Go away! Get out of our house!!"
"Hedwelch, stop it."
"GET OUT!"
His scream shook my brain! "You—!" my seething resentment sounded. I stood from my seat, manifesting my 7 spellbooks and they all fumed calming air that tackled my children. However, they thought I was scheming something, so Dayana intervenes as the twins hide behind her.
"Uhm, I'm really s-sorry for getting involved in this family affairs... if... you really are their mother. Please, this isn't the right time for the kids to meet you. And we are all overwhelmed to continue this. I implore you to give the kids additional time to absorb this. Probably, Mr. Hessuel can sever this conflict!"
"... Yes, you're right." During her long statement, I'm still looking at my whimpering twins. My spellbooks vanish. "I'll just wait for him then." I wiped my tears and left silently. The sky was pouring rain outside and I didn't bother to enchant an umbrella.
And what should I do? Hessuel is with another woman. My twins despise me. And this name that came into the picture of my dream family is intrusive again. I swayed my hand upward and the rain drops were averting from me.
"Mrs. Dandeline!!"
I halted for Dayana. "If... If I'm not mistaken, y-you are the lady Eldar...?"
"I am."
"Although this isn't a good time for you, it's wonderful to meet you." And she gave me a piece of paper. "I will inform you right away once Mr. Hessuel arrives." It's a magical empty letter that will only contain a message once the caster sent it. I thanked her and left at a quick pace to the bar.
The customers are surprisingly increasing as Zaeramil's loyal friends are celebrating, but whom my eyes wanted to see was not around. I've checked every room in the inn and Lanasia was totally missing in action for my update! The room where my dogs are is where I come in, tweak the hair of my pate, and walk to and fro while the dogs are following me by their look. Upon opening the window the natural breeze comes to calm me again.
"Why is this happening? All my sacrifices were disposed of whereupon that Hrista came!? Aaah!" I stamped my foot hard, picked the innocent pillow from the bed, and whacked the bed using it several times. "Whoever that vagrant b*sh stole the favor of my twins, too!? Who the hell is she!?" The pillow splashed out to the wall. And then I removed my sandals to strike them on the floor.
"After all those anxiety from contraction during warfare, the pain while breastfeeding them, the feverish sting when I don't have them to suck my milk, and after I endured 5 years to build a world for them; all those were reduced to rejection. Why am I still frustrated at this age!?" My dogs are frightened by me. Nonetheless, I groaned to the very core of my throat as I dropped my butt on the bed and hugged my knees.
"Wow, that was an explosion," the teasing face of the salty captain displays at the doorway. "You should've asked me to suck it for you when you were in pain."
"Get out." As the door was about to slam, he blocked the way by his boot.
"Hold it. I remember you came here for your home. Did it end tragically?" He totally comes inside, drags a chair, and sits in front of me. He pulls out a stick from his pirate coat and smokes.
"It's none of your business."
"Neither do I mind my own business."
"Yours is not the ears I need. It would be best to leave me alone or summon Lanasia here."
He blows smoke. "We haven't seen her before you. You just made an entrance into the bar crestfallen so I thought of scooping off some gossip."
"I said—!"
"You said your children repulsed you? Why?"
"..." I sunk my face on my knees rather than speaking with him. Upon doing this my dogs, especially my Siberian Husky and Golden Retriever, will cuddle with me. Just by picturing the angry gazes at me from my children wringing my eyes to tears. Until it continues with me weeping as a child. Every pull of breath was not enough to soothe me.
"I suppose you need a hug more than ears," he says gently and a pat on my head is felt. "The pet peeve of having kids... You make your own weakness however powerful you are."
"Nooo. You cannot understand... Having them was one of the happiest days of my life." Politely, I removed his big hand from my head, my Golden Retriever tenderly tapping her paws on my arm, and I daubed my face in the blanket. "And losing them is killing me alive. You'll never know, and you'll never understand, that having children is one of the best things in life."
"Sure. Although you sound fooled, I won't argue about it no matter how annoying kids can be," he mumbles and chuckles—shaking his head. He spins the cigarette and it transforms into a slate pencil, he manifests his spellbook to jot down something there. "So, what happened?"
"... I wasn't welcomed home." I hug my Golden Retriever like a huffing child and remain silent for a minute. "... That was what I feared, too. My babies would hate me and it's understandable. It was my firstborn, he... outbursted his bereavement unto me. He said that I never cared. And he's adamant with what he judges. I'm guilty I spoke out of turn for I found it impolite. But he was right. I was not a good mother to them... I wasn't there during this first time in school...
"I wasn't there when they couldn't understand enchantment... I wasn't there to prepare their favorite meal... I wasn't there to show them that I care for their father too. I have so many... so many shortcomings to meet their definition of love. I should've been there earlier than 5 years... and be with them... Would that make me a better mother in the slightest?" I've been wiping away the tears while speaking to him. "I could destroy Linevr if I can't have my family with me in the end."
"Don't waste our hard work. That was the remembrance of our partnership." He closes his spellbook.
"Partnership!? Is that how you see that world!?"
"It was a pleasure to work with you, Lady Eldar," he said but his expression is undefined as always. "But you know what, I like your kid. He has his own opinions and stands up for those principles! He's no ordinary kid who's pliable to his parent's demands."
"..." As I recalled the past, I looked at him with that bright idea. "That's correct... I used to be like him when I was his age. I was full of endeavor to have an education despite being a girl."
"And look what you are now: the very first female Eldar in history. Your firstborn has a brighter future. Look at the bright side in the dark sky, that's where you'll know where to sail."
Fiddling my ring under the blanket, I glared at him in a manner of astonishment. He's been a good partner in our project, but his behavior is far too different from how he acts in the future. Possibly because he knows my mate exists unlike in the future and I appreciate that as a symptom of his respect. Moreover, ever since we met on his ship, he's chosen his immaculate ages! It would be dense of me to overlook his changes. And it's very easy for anyone to be his friend, probably the kind of trait Andrew and Haiban found in him.
"Coming from you?"
"Why not? Your incorrigible life is interesting. Besides, don't be upset with the attitude of your kids, it's an inherited trait coming from you."
"Why you little—"
"See? Exactly." He sips his cigarette again which was a slate pencil a second ago.
"Get out of here. You heard the update, you stinky pirate."
"I'm not done, lady. Why won't you spill the beans regarding your boyfriend? Where was he?"
"I said get out! And know your limits!" I jabbed a finger at him.
"I know no limits. But," he walks toward the door, hands flail, "if the lady wants it so shall it be done. Don't have second thoughts about coming down to the fun if you can't find other ideas to feel better."
"Thanks but no thanks," I replied. "... That won't make me feel better," I murmured.
"Do you want me to leave or not?"
"I'm talking to my dogs!" Then I hug Two. Only a short second passed when the excruciating pain in my bitemark made me groan aloud, pressed my hand on my neck, and curved. Vivid scenarios in my head are showing unto me; the look of Hedwelch's eyes at me, their fear of me, and an image of a baby girl in my arms stabbed me to the very core! The joy I had back then is overwhelming in my chest!
I want to make it happen.
I want to see my children.
I have to find my mate!
Upon implying those urges I then found myself being restrained by Afvshaganifs. A forceful push of enchantment didn't falter him, he even dragged me back inside the room, closed the door, and tightened his arms around me from behind. "Let me go!! I want to see them! I want to feel them! I... I miss them... so damn much..." Tears are sliding on my exasperated fangs.