19

Chapter 19

Slowly accepting the fact that Ezra isn’t here… he really left and I still feel weird out by it even though we don’t hang out as often as before. I miss him everyday and as I go on with my day he’s all I could ever think of… when I walk around the neighborhood I remember the memories we share upon growing up… the food that he loves and even think I saw him the other day… everything just reminds me of him and it’s a bittersweet feeling. I heard that they kept contact with Leah and I can’t even do the same because my father forbid me.

But I’m keeping myself busy, I enroll myself to classes that I wanted to try since forever. Like cooking class, painting and pottery, it’s making me busy and I did that so I wouldn’t have the time to think of him and also because I don’t want to stay at home all the time when I don’t have work… I don’t know what’s mom’s plan about our family but I feel like she’s not planning to leave dad, rather they are coexisting in our house with no talking… I don’t know if I could live like that forever and if I were the one to pick what mom would do I would want us to move out from the house and live together away from dad.

Thinking about it actually breaks my heart… my heart is still aching from our family but I do not tolerate dad for what he did… and I also come to term that our relationship with each other will never be the same again.

“This is really delicious.” I pout at Jade.

I gave him the first ever viand that I ever cook and he says it’s good but his face says otherwise... that’s making me pout.

“You can spit it out if you don’t like it… I’d rather die from heartbreak that you dying on my poisonous food.” He gulp… he really swallowed it before laughing at me.

“You’re being dramatic. It’s not that good but it’s also not bad. You’re still learning and it’s your first time cooking, in time I know you’re going to be a great cook.” He patted my head as he chuckle.. and that actually made me feel better… simple words can make my heart flatter but I kind of wish that I’m receiving it from the person I miss right now. I know I’m being rude to Jade because he’s the one who’s here but I really can’t force myself… and I can’t lie to myself.

Because of how busy I am I don’t usually see dad anymore and even though this is what I want I can’t deny to myself that I also miss him and our bonds… I miss how we were before… but I can’t bring back those times and I need to move on because life won’t wait for me… it continues so I need to keep going.

“I love that I’m getting to know you more… it makes me like you more… thank you for letting me get to know you deeply.” Jade suddenly said that made me pout… he’s so sweet and random.

Jade is snob to the people he doesn’t know and he has this serious side that made admire him, he’s passionate with the work he’s doing right now and learning things about the company… like Ezra does. I shake my head, I really shouldn’t be thinking about him… but the more I get to know Jade the more I think that he has a lot of similarities with Ezra… and I know I’m being unfair to Jade but I also can’t force myself… maybe in time I will move on from him with the help of Jade… he’s a wonderful man and he’s the one I’m going to marry.

“And thank you for always being there for me… you stayed by my side despite what other people are saying to me.”

Aside from going on dates with Jade I also go on a date with my mom, tonight we’re going to have a fancy dinner at a hotel and I immediately smiled upon seeing her, it’s hard to also see her and I can’t always visit her at work because she’s going around from site to site, backed to back meetings and so much work to do.

“You’re a grown up now.” She hugged me tight after checking me out, I’m only wearing a cute long body con dress that hugs my body perfectly, that’s what mom likes me to dress up and I also find it really cute since it matches my style really well.

After ordering our food that’s when mom asked me about the things that I have been doing and I shared every detail to her and she’s all smiles until I asked her a question that made her stopped.

“Mom… do you plan on moving out?”

“H-huh? Why? Do you want me to move out? Are you bothered by our set up with your father?”

“It’s not like that. I just wonder why you still want to stay with him despite the horrible things he did to us… and I know you’re going to say that he’s not perfect and so are we and people make mistake but the thing is dad doesn’t look remorseful to what he did… I even think that the only thing he regret is… getting caught.”

Mom looks away and sigh, it took her a moment before looking back at me, she holds my hands across the table. “Do you want us to move out? I thought of it actually but I’m a coward and I’m scared that people will find out… but if you want to… we can… we can start fresh together… I’ll always do anything for you honey.” That made me smile and I nodded.

One thing about my relationship with mom… I think we grew closer after the incident of my dad and Aunt Marie… and it’s a bittersweet feeling because I wanted things to be different but I’m happy with what I have with mom right now… and I guess slowly we’re moving forward together.