Chapter 72 — Kiss Me

Emily's POV

I kept on running towards the woods and it seemed as if the path kept on getting longer and longer, not letting me reach my destination any time soon.

As I jumped off the main road towards the forest adrenaline pumped in my veins and I ran with all I had in me.

I needed to see him at any cost.

I just hoped with all my heart that he was there. If I wouldn't find him there, I didn't know how would I survive waiting for him to come back home.

I jumped over the fallen trees and small plants, clenching my fists and running for the dock.

Soon I reached the lake and my eyes roamed all around looking for him. My heart clenched in my chest when I didn't see any traces of him.

I sighed and placed my hands on my knees, trying to stabilize my breathing. I took deep breaths and lifted my eyes up again.

He wasn't there.

As I was about to turn back and run home again, I saw something move behind a tree on the far end corner of the dock.

My heart leaped out of its chest and my stomach did a weird thing when I realized it wasn't something, rather someone.

I walked towards him, slowly and carefully. Repeating the mantra over and over again in my head to not freak out at any cost.

When I circled around the tree and stood in front of him, only then he noticed another presence around him and lifted his gaze up to meet mine.

My heart broke at the sight of it.

His eyes were red and puffy and they were still glistening as if he had been crying recently. There were bags and dark circles underneath his eyes and his hair was messy as ever.

He blinked once, twice, as if making sure if I was really there. When he realized that I really was standing in front of him he chuckled humorlessly and averted his gaze back to the ground, plucking the petals of flowers again.

I went nearer to him and sat down beside him. Neither of us said anything for a while and the silence between us was becoming unbearable to handle.

I scooted a little more closer to him and sighed, "Noa—"

"Don't," he interrupted me before I had a chance to say anything.

I felt my eyes prickle but I maintained my composure and didn't break. I needed to be strong right now.

Why was I crying, anyway?

I was never the one to cry on small things like this. I was stronger than this.

"Did he hurt you?" Noah mused after an eternity still without looking at me.

"He didn't," I shook my head and he nodded.

"Noah I'm sorry," I said after another round of painful silence.

"Why do you keep apologizing when nothing is your fault," Noah said with a hint of irritation in his voice and yet again I wanted to cry and cry and never stop.

"I don't know," I mumbled and looked down at my hands when a droplet of water fell on it and I realized that a tear had managed to escape my eye.

I brushed it off and sighed heavily, not knowing what to do and how not to freak out.

"Why did you come here?" Noah asked.

"I wanted to see you," I replied and for the first time since I came here, Noah lifted his gaze up and stared into my eyes as if searching for something.

"Why do you do this to me?" he asked and his voice was thick with emotion. For a second I thought he was going to break down but he didn't.

He looked away and masked his face with the same cold expression.

"What do I do?" I asked, completely oblivious as to what he was talking about.

"You act— you know what never mind forget it," he waved it off. 

"Tell me," I scooted closer and held his hand in mine. "You know you can tell me anything." I rubbed my thumb on his knuckles and winced when I saw the bruises on them as if he had been punching someone. Or rather something seeing the marks on his hands.

"I can't," he mumbled and sighed, resting his head at the bark behind him he closed his eyes.

"You can. Please tell me where did we go? Tell me where did the Noah that I knew go? Tell me why you won't talk to me anymore like you used to do. Tell me, please," I couldn't help my emotions anymore and tears started pouring out of my eyes.

"You still don't know, do you?" he opened his eyes and looked at me with such an intense gaze that I shivered under it.

"Don't talk in riddles. Tell me what's wrong," I urged and he pulled his hand out of mine and stood up. He turned his back to me and lifted his head heavenwards.

"You won't understand," he said almost to himself but it broke my heart that he thought I wouldn't understand.

I of all people.

"Please, Noah, talk to me. Can't we go back to what we were before...all of this happened?" I stood up too and walked closer, still staring at his back.

"We can't Emily...we can't," he whispered and my heart sunk down in my chest.

"Noah...you don't trust me?" I whispered and swallowed back the tears that were threatening to spill.

"I do trust you goddamnit. It's not you, it's me!" he ran a hand through his hair, his voice louder than usual.

"Then why won't you let me in!?" I yelled in the same tone.

"Because you won't understand. You won't understand that I notice when there is no light in your eyes. When your eyes are in a daze, distant, not with everyone around you, lost in another world. I notice when you suddenly reserve yourself, when you fumble over your words as if afraid to utter anything that would lead to something disastrous. When you are so unsure of yourself, so insecure!" he yelled and I took a step back, stunned at his sudden outburst.

Streams of tears rolled down my eyes at his words. He took a step closer to me and continued 

"You won't understand that I notice the pain that is shown in the tiny spaces between your breaths. In the slight gasp when you inhale and try not to cry or break down. Try to act as if some things don't bother you at all. Try to hide what you're suffering from. You won't understand that I see your grief in all those of your 'I'm fines' and the slightest quiver in your voice when you keep on repeating it, as if convincing yourself."

At this point, I was crying hysterically and Noah was holding both of my hands in his. His eyes no longer the shade of black. His expressions were soft and filled with warmth that made me cry harder.

"You won't understand that I see it in your eyes. When you fake a smile but that doesn't reach your eyes. When suddenly all the light leaves your face and all I see is hollowness, begging to be filled. You won't understand Emily, you won't," he whispered and rested his forehead against mine, a tear sliding down his cheek.

I closed my eyes and let the tears out. I lifted my hands up and cupped his cheeks, brushing the tear that had found its way out.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him, as if afraid that I would disappear any moment.

"Noah..." I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.

"You won't understand...." he whispered again.

"Then make me. Make me understand," I sobbed and brought my head to his neck, resting it on his shoulder and closing my eyes.

We stayed like this, in each other's embrace, filling the missing pieces of the other. I didn't want him to let go. I vowed to myself to never, ever let him go again.

"Emily?"

"Mhm?"

"You really want to understand?" Noah pulled away from me and made me look at him in the eyes.

"Yes," I nodded without hesitation.

"Then be mine," he whispered and my heart almost jumped out of its chest at his words.

I controlled the urge to freak out and struggled to stand my ground.

"Noah..." I whispered in disbelief.

"Tell me, Emily, would you be my girlfriend?"

"Can I ever say no to you?" I hugged him tighter and smiled and his eyes lit up, like a child in the candy store. 

He looked at me, unsure as if I was going to say that I was kidding or something.

"Seriously?" he asked when I didn't say anything else.

"Yes," I grinned widely and he swept me off of my feet and swung me around. The sound of his laughter and my giggles erupted all around in the valley and as he stood me back on the ground. 

"You are wearing my clothes," Noah stated and gave me a once over as if he had just noticed it.

"I am," I smiled and bit my lip, unsure as to what would be his reaction.

"I love seeing you in my clothes," Noah grinned and wrapped his arms around me again, sighing in content as if it had been the happiest he had been in a while.

He sat down against the tree again, this time with me on his lap. He caressed my cheek with his hand and placed soft kisses all over my face.

"Noah?"

"Mhm?" he absentmindedly replied and kissed the crown of my head.

"Don't call me Emily again," I mumbled and lowered my gaze to the ground.

Confusion spread all over his expressions but in no time it was replaced with realization.

"You like it when I call you Cupcake," he stated and smiled cheekily and I bit my lip and brought my gaze to our intertwined hands.

"Duh," I whispered and blushed with embarrassment as I felt him vibrate in a chuckle against me, once again pressing a soft kiss to my temple.

"You have no idea how much I've waited for this," he said and smiled at me.

"For what?" I asked and snuggled in his chest, making myself comfortable in the warmth his body spread.

"For calling you mine. For holding you like this. For kissing you like there is no tomorrow," he whispered huskily and leaned forward and cupped my face in his hands.

"Then do it," I said and for a second I was shocked by the level confidence in my voice but I let it slide.

I did weird things when I was with Noah.

"Do what?" he asked and raised an eyebrow.

"Kiss me," I said and met his gaze this time.

Shock and confusion spread all over his face but it was quickly replaced by amusement and adoration.

He stared deep into my eyes and I did in his. None of us pulled back this time as he kept on leaning forward towards me that I could feel his breath on my lips, making a tingling sensation all over my body.

Then he closed his eyes and met my lips with his. Almost immediately I kissed him back this time and I felt him smile against my lips.

His kiss was soft and gentle at first but then it became hungry and passionate. He sought entrance to my mouth which I gladly gave and he explored each part of my mouth with his tongue.

I lost my fingers in his hair and he groaned inside my mouth, making my insides do a weird dance. I tugged at his hair and he shuddered against my body.

I was more than glad to know that I had the same effect on him as he had on me.

In a swift motion, he pinned me against the tree and started placing passionate kisses on my neck and collarbone. He sucked on a sensitive spot right below my ear and I shivered and I could practically picture him smirking against my skin.

What was he doing to me? 

"You're so fucking beautiful," he murmured against my skin and I closed my eyes, letting every part of my soul embrace his touch.

He rested his forehead against mine once again and closed his eyes, sighing in content he said, "I love you, Cupcake."

My eyes went wide open and my heart swelled with an indescribable emotion.

I didn't know what to say.

"You don't have to say it back. I know you need time. I just wanted to let you know that I really do love you, Emily Woods. I've never been so certain about anything else in my life," he smiled at me and I saw sincerity in his eyes that made me want to hold him with my dear life and never let him go.

I was falling for him 

Harder than anyone could've ever thought.